Mother's arms are the shields for your life.

“Mom! Where are we going?” I questioned my mom while she was making up her face. She put her lipstick into her pink lips.

“Well, just follow me, darling. You’ll find out soon.” She answered with lipstick and make ups stuff rules her face.

We used our both legs to walked to our car. The motion of the winds seems to be furious and scratch away my perfect, thick, and black hair. Mom plugged the key into the keyhole, she rotated it with her potential energy from her body, then came the roaring of the car machine. I sat besides my mom, tighten my seatbelt. Then, our little awkward journey began.

Pressures jumped to my life that time, my friends were being enemies to me, I mean, they hated me that time, while I love them so much. You know how it feels like, right? Being leaved by someone you adored? Especially by the important humans in your life. I always said: “Duh, I have the worst life ever, I wish I can die right now.” That line, always forcing my brain to think about it, then commanded my mouth to say it.

I saw all of the clouds, outside my car window, were following me in my desperate endeayor. I just wished I could die that time, in the car, wherever my mom is going to take me to.

Mom stopped the car because she was being ordered by the Mr. Red Traffic Light. With a deep breathe from her lungs, she started to pushing out words from her mouth.

“Jess, I’m going to tell you a story about my friend. Maybe this story will somehow helps you in your future life when you have a major trouble in your life.”

I let my both eyes getting bigger. Wow, mom, not just in the future. I already felt it right now.

She continued without looking at the horrible creature besides her car seat.

“So, this man, who is my nicest, candid and pure-minded friend, was riding a motorcycle with all of his family member, who are his wife, his three weeks old cute baby, and his older son who had just graduated from his kindergarden period.”

“Hmm” I declared.

The powerful wind of my car air conditioner stuck to my arm’s skin so my ears couldn’t really hear her. But, three weeks old baby existed on a motorcycle? The father must be some kind of having mental problems, I thought.

“They were going back to their home that time, from their older son graduation ceremony, while suddenly another motorcycle appeared with a maid above it. The maid screamed when she saw them, with the expansion of their lips, created a smile on their face because they were so pleased that time. The maid banged her hair, rolling her motorcycle gas, screamed again then she let her motorcycle crashed against their motorcycle.”

I bet you guys, who reading this right now, can imagine the expression of my face that time.

“Then, their body left their motorcycle, and smacked the road. You can imagine right? When their heart was being controlled my the glorious, satisfied, overjoyed emotion, then suddenly that all turns into black.”

Before I could answered her, Mr. Red Traffic Light change its body into green. So do my mom, pressing the gas for the car to motion on the road.

We arrived at a place; with a white walls, tall building, and also with a word appeared as “hospital”. The car leaded us both into the parking lot, and our legs leaded us to a room.

In that room, I could sight a little creature in its massive, but transparent box. The creature is a living creature, that is a human. A baby. A majorly cute, chubby and solid baby. My mom left me there, and she was gone somewhere in this hospital, but in that moment, I didn’t really cared about my mom, my mind stuck on that baby.

I touched the baby, and all of my nasty feeling were gone. I felt peace in my brain my I touched him, because I could imagine if I were him. This kind of baby? A baby with a red, rosy, circle cheeks that seems to be like a red fresh apples, with skins that as soft as a silk, and with eyes that glowing like an angel, had just being smacked into the satanic road, how could he still be alive? Looking at this baby, creating a reflect inside of me to smiled for the first time on that day.

Mom suddenly appeared in front of the room’s door, with her friend that mom had just told me while in the car, I thought. His five fingers searched mine, then shook them all. My eyes were rotating from looking at my fingers, to his face. His hairs were all messy, the skin that surrounded his eyes was black, and my eyes could say that he is as similar as a rotten human.

Behind my mom friend’s back, my eyes found a little boy, who was seeking at me, wearing his school uniform, with his school bag hunging behind his body, and a school cap above his head, connected his eyes into mine. There was a bandaids circling his head. He walked to me and my mom, and said:

“Hey! Look!”

He gifted us his graduation certificate and his lips were made by a smile. A rare smile; like Monalisa’s. Miserable face, with a smile that being forced. Mom congratulated him, and commanded me to kiss his cheek, so do I.

Was it kind of weird kissing a toddler’s cheeks who had just suffered from his “nightmare”?

Was it? Was it?

I wondered why in this universe he could smile.

I sight my mom inviting her friend to sat on a sofa in front of this room. She was pushing out words from her mouth to her friend. I didn’t know what is it, but I was barely sure I shouldn’t talk.

The older brother walked to his baby-brother’s box, combined their hand into one, and asked:

“Are you okay?”

I was touched by that vista. Love enveloped their kinship ties. Even me and my brother, well, I have a younger brother too, like he does, can’t do that. I’m a teenager, he is a toddler, I should’ve known love better than he does. I should’ve love my brother like he does. I felt jealous and ashamed at the same time. However, the baby didn’t answer it, his eyes were sealed.

Once he knew that his brother already fall asleep, he let his palm grabbed mine, then asked me to coloured his colouring book together with him. I couldn’t refuse him, so do I. Honestly, I still adore colouring stuffs. But that moment, my devotion of colouring stuffs gone because my mind were managed by tons of things that I wanted to ask to my mom, or her friend, about this terrifying accident but I couldn’t. Those things ruled my all of the cells in my brain somehow so I couldn’t coloured it properly. My head looked at his feature, and I found misery in it.

It has been half an hour since we started colouring. A sudden motion from his body, left me alone in the room with the sleeping baby, searching for his father. I stalked him, because I just couldn’t let a toddler running in the hospital without sights.

His feet stuck into a floor in a room that consisted of his father, my mother, and one elder. I bet the elder is his grandfather.

His both as fast as he could, he didn’t care if the wind of the room’s air conditioner destroyed his hair with malignant. I arrived in front of the room, after chasing him, feeling exhausted, while he started to creating words from his mouth.

“Dad, where is Mom? I miss her, Daddy. I want her, Daddy. Can I be with her right now, Daddy? Please?” He finally released this line to his dad, while I’m still wiping my sweat from finished my jogging in this hospital.

I inhale.

My mom’s friend was suddenly kneeling in front of his own father, maintained his head against the thigh of his father, and invited sobbing and the sea of tears out of his eyes, as well as the screams from the mouth.

The toddler stood still, with no winking, stared at his dad kneeling to his grandfather.

But, congratulations, he was not the only. I still on my inhaling process, yet I couldn’t exhaled when I sight that scene. It felt like my soul was disappear and running in this room, and I was there, standing only with my body.

My heart was rising up nearly out of my chest, pain attacked me from my head, stifled a shout from my mouth and created a poker face on me.

If I had a knife, cutter, or a spear now, I would probably cut up the parts of my body than to saw the scene. It was not excessive, but, what do you feel if your have just feels your life is extremely inconvenient, but there is one adult, which is usually stronger in living his life, crying and kneeling in front of his own father?

Mom suddenly dragged my only left body viciously as if my body is a stone, out of the area. She threw me into a sofa body that located in front of the room, slightly rough, and enjoined me to settled there.

She ran back into the room, united her body and arms into his. With her all of her fingers and both palms, she started to paralyzing his back. I spied her one and only pink coloured face part were moving; seems to be releasing advices from it.

I were still sitting there with a blank stare looking at the floor, mouth-opened, and jaws dropped, I didn’t care if every creatures observed me in this state.

I stayed in that state until I sensed two pairs of foot – my mom’s, appeared in front of my eyes. Suddenly, I felt wetness in my hand. I moved my neck upward. I viewed something unusual. Waters were coming out from her eyes, too.

I rubbed my neck’s hinge to the right with an innocent, yet confusing look.

She dragged again my limp arms.

“We must go home now. We should give them a break.” She declared.

She inhaled then continued:

“And they all also have to say the final goodbye to----“

She cut her own line and sighed.

“To?” I asked.

She shook her head while all of her lip’s muscle were weakened.

Staring at my mom, I could say the face commanded my brain to obey her will.

Mom said farewells to her friend, the toddler, and the baby, except the mother of the baby, who is I don’t know where she was. Then so do I, with a smile on my face because I didn’t know what kind of emotion should I used in this genre of situation. My mom’s friend smiled back. One gorgeous smile; but I could detect it was a fake.

The arrival of us in our car mixed with our silence. Mom started to start the engine and leaved the hospital’s area.

She inhaled again, then started to open her mouth. She told me that apparently the wife of her friend died. Her friend was puzzled how to explain it to their children. She died because she was protecting her baby, hugged the baby’s body into her from falling onto the road, but in a way to sacrifice her life away.

The baby was safe in his mother’s arms.

I felt.. Even from more than one hundred thousands of English words couldn’t suit to described my feeling that time.

“You know that a three weeks old baby still needs her mother’s breast milk to survive, right?” She questioned me.

Maybe she thought that it was better to ordered me something that makes me breathe or else I’ll going to die in the confusion and unknown feeling.

“Yes.” I only could say this.

“The miracle is, the day before the dreadful, horrifying, and nightmarish accident happens, the had prepared him bottles of breast milk in the fridge. God gave her tons of liquids of breast milks, unlike the usual mother. Maybe it will provide enough for the baby. She seems like already had a sense that this accident is going to happen.”

I was shocked. Supremely shocked. I let my egoistic jaws, fell again for the second time.

“Is this the way that God had planned to a friend of my mom?” I said this to own self, in my own heart.

Mom continued to drive without any of other single words came from her mouth. She somehow knew that I were thinking that time. As you can always see, mothers somehow had a connection with her children.

I felt like an autism that time. Who am I? I should’ve be lucky to have my one strong and united family together with me. I was just losing friends, not my family members. Instead of feeling lucky, I declined the opportunity of my life that should have been happy just because a simple thing. Though there are still people who were far more miserable than I am. I felt is was a very sinful living creature. I didn’t feel thanks enough from the breathe, soul, and body that my mom and dad had created for me.

I couldn’t imagine if I were my mom’s friend, had lose someone that we love, and also had play an very important role in his life. How will I explain to my baby that her mother died because of protecting him? I might kills me. Well, it will not kills my body, but my heart.

I also couldn’t imagine if I was the baby. I will probably suicide if knowing that the person who gave us life and who made us existed in this universe, released her life to god because of protecting me with her own arms. Her warm arms, that filled with tenderness, intimacy, and compassion.

My car retired from its today’s job in my garage. I let my feet leaded me into my house’s balcony –that is the place that I usually visited when I need to calm my mind, and sat there. My views were straight into the streets and road signs. My brain suddenly thought that our own streets corner keeps secrets, and our own road signs only suggest, it never deciding for us, never knowing if the destination to which lead, is where we purely belong. It just the precisely same as our life. Our life’s greatest tragedy is not that it will some day ends, but that most of us just live to follow directions, and many times we accidentally end up totally lost. But we have the spirit to fight our lost, we could change it into a better life.

I can only pray to my mother friend’s family, because I couldn’t decorating back the time when they were in one overjoyed family with salvation. God can only protect them all for the rest of their lives. Also with the baby, he can be proud of his mother who have the soul of an angel, and have the memories of he, was safe in her mother’s arms.