The World Is Still Sleeping, While I Keep on Dreaming

Time passed as I sat on that curb, feeling my heart shatter, my mind trying to piece together what happened. How I was going to break it to Jonathan what happened, how I couldn't remember anything, how I was so stupid.

My eyes were watered down with tears that I couldn't stop now when I heard a car stop in front of me. I didn't care who or what it was but when I felt two strong arms pull me into them, I let go all of my tears on Adam's shoulder as he pulled me into the car.

I was carefully placed into the driver's seat to see Brent Seabrook in the back seat, "What's he doing?"

"Babe, I had to have someone help me find you. I was scared to death, when you went missing."

"Did you tell him anything?" I questioned as I felt some slight tension.

"I don't know what's going on, so there's nothing I can tell him."

"Nothing is," I glared out the window.

"Blaze," Brent spoke lightly in the backseat, "You can trust me. I promise whatever it is, I'll help you."

"I can't," I sniffled as I watched the fading hotel leave, "I just, I can't."

"What happened?" Adam questioned as I shook my head.

"It's over."

"What's over?" He questioned.

"Me and Jonathan," I sighed feeling my tears start to fall again, "I messed everything up big time and there's no way to explain it because I don't even know what happened."

"What do you remember?" Adam asked quietly as I took a deep breath.

"I remember you going to the bathroom, and I was waiting for you, when these girls asked me to have one more drink. I did, but the next thing I remembered after that was waking up with a pounding headache, cold, and my phone ringing. It took me a while to take in my surroundings but I was naked in a hotel room with someone next to me," I shifted not wanting to say his name right now.

"Do you know who it was?" Adam questioned as I shifted again when I felt Brent's hand land softly on my shoulder.

"Yes," I whispered slightly, hearing the pause to continue, "It was Chris."

"Chris?" I heard the anger in Adam's voice as he looked at me, "No, he didn't."

"He was naked too," I felt the sickness come over me again, "I can't remember what happened or anything."

"Blaze," Adam placed a soft hand on mine as I cried.

"And now I've got to tell Jonathan. He's going to think that I slept with Chris and am claiming I don't remember, than not want anything to do with me." I sniffled again to which my make up was now ruined. "I can't do it. I can't do this."

"Hey," I felt Brent's hand on my back, "Maybe he'll understand. Maybe it'll be ok."

"Maybe's like "what if" right now."

Adam drove back to the house, which when he we got there, there were a few extra cars, one of them being Jonathan's. I didn't want to get out but my door was being opened and my body was carried into the house. I guess they were all worried about me and had started a seach party but right now, I didn't want them to know what happened.

Adam sat me down, half fuming about what Chris did but I didn't want them to know what was going on. I just calmly walked to my bedroom, knowing that Jonathan was right behind me.

"Please, just go away," I looked slightly over my shoulder but I heard him move closer to me.

"Blaze, what happened?" He placed a hand on my shoulder but I tried to shrug it off.

"Just, don't, please. I don't want to hurt you."

"You can tell me anything," He mentioned lightly, my aggrivated-ness with myself turned towards him as my glazed over red eyes met his concerned brown ones.

"I can't tell you because I don't know what happened. I woke up naked next to my naked ex-boyfriend."

"Chris?" Jonathan's jaw clenched as I nodded.

"Our clothes were piled on the floor."

"You slept with Chris?" He questioned, his anger slowly starting to show.

"I don't know," I shrugged running a hand through my hair.

"You don't know?" He raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes," I snapped with a hiss, "All I remembered was Adam going to the bathroom then waking up to where I was now."

Jonathan just looked at me then towards my door as I was now confused. Was he pissed at me? Pissed at Chris? Pissed at Adam?"

"Where are you going?" I questioned as he now looked over his shoulder at me.

"Does it matter?"

I watched him walk out to the living room, his body language, showing he was pissed but I followed him to the door.

"Please," I took his arm but he shook out of it, "Jonathan, I swear to you, I have no idea what happened."

"I need to thin," He looked at me as he walked out the door to slam it shut behind him.

That was 2 days ago, now I was busy packing in silence to head to Philly again. I hadn't ate but maybe an apple over the past day. Hell, I hadn't even done much. I called off work for those two days, I kept in the house, I didn't eat, didn't sleep, nothing. Jonathan hadn't talked to me in those two days, not even stopping by or anything. Not that I hadn't called him like every hour or so the following day. Then when I thought I was being too clingy, it became every morning and night, when it hurt the most.

I tossed some clothes into the bag, not really caring what I was wearing anymore, then turned my neck to look at my phone. Quickly picking it up off the dressar, I fell into the bed, scrolling through contacts, stopping on Jonathan's debating if I should call them or not since they were leaving in a couple hours.

There was a knock at my door, then it slowly opened to reveal Adam's face.

"Is it ok if I come in?" He asked with a light smile as I sat up on my bed, closing my phone.

"I guess," I shrugged as he sat on the edge of the bed with me.

"I'm not going to ask if you're ok because I know everyone has been asking you," He smiled lightly, "So, I guess, you got everything packed?"

"It sucks," I sighed knowing what he wanted to know wasn't about packing, "I swear, I really do like him and there's no way to apologize for what happened. I mean, I don't even know if we're together anymore. Is he single? Am I single again? I just feel so-"

"Lost?" Adam questioned as I shrugged.

"A bit, depressed, whorish-"

"You're not a whore," He smiled lightly at me as I picked at the sheets.

"I just want him to call me. Give me some kind of hope, sign, anything. I mean if he wants to break my heart, then do it, don't just keep me hanging on like this."

"He's a complicated guy," Adam gave me a light smile, "We don't even understand him on the team sometimes."

"Thanks Adam," I mumbled lightly, "I just want to be alone, though, ok?"

"Ok,"He smiled as he stood up then motioned for me to stand up, "Come here." Adam pulled me into a warm hug that I grew accustomed to lately, "Now I know he wanted you to come on the ice when we won but even if you're still not talking to him, I still want you out there, ok?"

"Ok," I took a deep breath in, taking in his scent.

"I'll see you in Philly."

"Laters," I sniffled as Adam broke away reluctantly.

"Are you sure you don't want to ride on the team's plane?"

"Paula already got me a ticket for today."

"Alright," He smiled walking towards my door, "There's still time before the plane leaves. Why don't you try to call him again?"

I smiled as Adam headed out the door and I picked up my phone again. I waited in silence, tension on each ring as I waited for Jonathan to maybe pick up on his end. I got his voicemail again for the millionth time which I sighed and waited for the beep.

"Hey," I started out slowly, "It's just me again. I know I've apologized a million times already for what happened and I'm sorry." I shook my head as I could feel the tears in my eyes. "No, there's no way to apologize to you. I messed up. I shouldn't of drunk that other drink. I should've filed that restraining order and taken him to court like you kept saying. But I'm stupid, and my stupidness caused me to lose you. Hell I don't even know if I lost you but I feel like I did and it sucks."

I choked back a few tears, trying to keep myself together again. "I really do like you, Jonathan. Since the moment you let me stand in the stadium when Paula wasn't there, I felt something for you. I wasn't sure what it was but now, now I realize that it was that warming of my heart. That'd you be the person who'd mend my bloodied heart. The one that'd make my world complete. I'm not going to go on about how miserable I am, because you're probably feel a million times worse than me. I just want to know if it's the end, then tell me. I can't wait on the silence."

I hung up the phone, sat it on it's charger than finished packing. My plane with Paula was leaving a few hours after the Blackhawks but we were still going to get there on time. I just knew that I wasn't going to be able to sleep again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning came too early. I hadn't slept at all, I sat in a chair, watching the bed, my mind not shutting down. I couldn't, I didn't know if something or someone would call. Paula had spent the day gathering things for tonight in which I dressed in my Patrick Sharp jersey and followed her around the entire day.

By time the game was about to start, Paula had met up with the other reporters that were there. The others from the station and everything. I just wasn't feeling their light-hearted conversations right now, so I kept to the background, carefully watching my phone, wishing it would light up but it didn't, at least not from the person I wanted it to be from.

Once the game started, I took my seat, watched the game and zoned out. It was the only time my heart wasn't breaking into a million pieces. I was focused on the ice and where the puck went each time. On the edge of my seat with the other Blackhawk fans since tonight if they won, they'd be Stanley Cup Champions. It was an intense game, both teams probably played their hardest for all three periods. Then it was tied in the third period, sending the game into overtime.

I think I didn't breath the entire time the puck was on the ice, watching it almost make it to the goal the Flyers almost scoring then it going back to the Blackhaws. Then Patrick Kane shot the puck to the goal, he started celebrating but the light did go off and the officials had to review it. Holding that breath in and being on edge, they finally declared they won.

Hearing the crowd roar, I was stoked, I was so happy for them and celebrated with the fans and a bit with Paula but then she cut that short since they had to go do press stuff. That's when I made my break for it, I headed towards the long hallway in which I heading to the changing rooms. I headed to the end of the hall to watch them get presented with the cup then Jonathan win the Conn Symthe Trophy. I had to smile at it but him being serious, it was hard to see the excitment in his face.

Heading out to the ice with the rest of the family and friends, I ran up to Adam first since he was the first person to greet me. I hugged him tightly, in which I was stoked about the win. Then he introduced me to his family who hugged me too, I guess he did talk about me when I wasn't there.

Soon after, I found Sharp and the rest of the team, then Kaner walked up to me to hug me.

"Did you see me?" He questioned with a smile as I smirked.

"Dude, that was awesome!" I smiled as he introduced me to his cousins and everyone then looked over my shoulder to see Jonathan then nodded, "Go congradulate him."

"Oh," I shrugged with a smile, "He's probably busy with press and stuff. Being the captain and everything."

"Blaze," He gave me a stern look but smiled, "Go talk to that man."

"He hasn't talked to me."

"Just go," He pushed me towards him as I sent a glare but he just smirked as I found my feet going towards Jonathan who was talking to some people and a few reporters.

I stood next to him, was about to walk away, when I felt a tug at my hand. I looked back at him but my eyes went elsewhere.

"Did you want something?" Jonathan questioned, no change in his voice or expression.

"I just wanted to congradulate on the win and everything," I shrugged, stuffing my hands in my pockets, "So congrats."

We stood there for a second, the silence between the two of us, my mind racing with what could happen, when I shook my head then stood up on my tippy toes to reach his lips. My mind screaming at me "screw it" not caring who seen or what was going to happen after that.

He was tense, he didn't move, but I slowly felt his hand move to my lower back, then settling into the kiss. It was like the world stopped but then he broke the kiss only to whisper in my ear.

"We still need to talk."

I nodded as he kissed my cheek and was then ushered off to do other interviews and talk to other press.

Maybe things were finally working in my favor?