The World Is Still Sleeping, While I Keep on Dreaming

It was now the 22nd and I haven't talked to Jonathan or even seen him for that matter. It hurts and it sucks since Chris will come into work and eat lunch with Gina which pisses me off even more. What even sucks is that Kaner comes in and tries to relay things between me and Jonathan, but I'm not playing high school anymore.

The only thing is keeping me sane were the endless nights of movies and music with Adam and Sharpie, then the girlie nights of staying up late and watching Brad Pitt movies with Talia. Talia easily became a close friend,allowing me to open up about everything that happened between me and Chris in the past, opening up about everything about me and Jonathan, everything.

"So here's what you do," Talia smiled at me as she stood up from her apartment that I was sitting on the floor with her, "You march over to him and confess your love to him then have hot, crazy, make up sex."

"Who said I was in love with him?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well you are," She smiled, "You just haven't noticed it yet."

"Yeah and I'm the one who's crazy?" I shook my head as she pulled me up to my feet.

"Come on," She jerked up, "We're going to get coffee."

"It's hot out," I whined sliding my flip flops back on.

"So?" She shrugged, "It's late at night and I can't have you falling asleep on me now."

"Why?"

"Because despite what you think," Talia smiled at me, "You've got people who want you to stay with Jonathan. And he's down the street right now."

"No," I shook my head, "I'm not talking to him."

"Yes, you are," She smirked, dragging me out the door, "Even if you're kicking and screaming, you are."

"No, it's been four days," I pleaded with her, "I don't deserve him anymore."

"You really think that?" She raised an eyebrow at me, "Wow, you really are lost, aren't you?"

"Talia, just let it go. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be," My sad eyes met hers in which she shook her head.

"No, I'm not letting you give up that easily."

Talia drug me down the street. Literally, I was like a little kid who didn't want to go to the doctor or dentist or something. I swear if no one would've thought I was crazy, I would've dropped down to the ground and threw a fit like one. I still don't think she would've cared since she had a firm grip on my wrist, pulling me into the little cafe that wasn't that busy tonight.

Sitting in the corner of the cafe, on his phone, sat Jonathan. The bruise on his eye was slowly starting to fade but his body language held a depressed state to it. Like he could hold himself together on the outside but the inside, everything was a mess. My heart wanted to race over there and wrap him in my arms, make everything better but my feet were glued to the ground.

4 days. 4 days of not talking. 4 days of not seeing him. 4 days of anyone barely mentioning made my feet stick to their spot.

"What are you waiting for?" Talia nudged me, "Go over there and talk to him."

"I don't think he wants to talk to me," I shook my head, "I punched him. There's no excuse for it. He most likely wants nothing to do with me."

"Kaner was right," she sighed, "you two are meant for each other."

"What?" My eyes looked at her, "You talked to Kaner? What'd he say? Did he say if Jonathan mentioned me?"

"Just go," Talia shoved me towards him, close enough to be next to his table so I couldn't run away without him noticing if I wanted to.

I looked behind me to see Talia now by the door, blocking my exit but Jonathan's head was still down. I cleared my throat just to have his eyes travel up to me.

"Is this seat taken?" I croaked out to have him just lower his eyes but not rejecting me from sitting there.

The sound of the chair scratching the floor echoed through the small cafe, just as I leant my elbows on the chair.

"I never meant to hurt you," I let out first, not sure if that was the right thing to do, "I just, everything you started to say reminded me of Chris and I guess I wasn't over hearing those things from him and it just happened. It's all I could think about these past four days and I swear if there was a way I could take it back."

"But you can't," He mentioned lowly.

"I know," I sniffled a bit, "and I know I've fucked up this relationship now. So I totally understand that if I walk out this door and this is the last time I see you, I'll leave you alone. I know it'll be hard on me and I'll need you more than anything, but if it's meant to end this way, I just wanted to know that you've meant the world to me. I'm not sure what this feeling is quite yet but I can deal with the heartbreak on my own. So thank you for everything."

I felt my heart crash down, since he didn't even look at me. I got up from my chair quickly to head out the door which was no longer blocked by Talia since I think she left and went back home. The darkness on the street welcomed me, just as my tears fell from my eyes. I didn't care if anyone seen me cry anymore.

I heard the door from the cafe open and the sound of shuffling feet behind me.

"Blaze," I heard my name rushed out just as I turned around to see Jonathan standing there.

"What?" I dried my eyes, waiting for him to tell me what I said was right and he wanted me gone.

"I don't want to fight anymore," He rushed out, moving closer to me again.

"I don't either," I sniffled, pulling at the seems of my shirt.

"We both said and did things that we can't take back," He stuffed his hands in his pockets which earned a nod for me, "I don't care who's wrong or right anymore."

"Me neither."

"Can we just let it go?" He sighed but I knew something could spark it up again.

"You know it'll sneak back into another fight again," I looked into his eyes.

"Maybe not. All I know is these past four days have been hell. And me and my ego wouldn't break to talk to you, or anything."

"I don't blame you," I mumbled.

"I don't hate you. I was pissed, yes but I could never hate you."

"The same," I nodded, just locking eyes with him, "I just don't want to hurt anymore or hurt you."

"I deserved to be smacked for the things I said," He mentioned.

"And you needed to say those things. You've been holding them in for a long time," I gave him a faint smile, "But I want you to know that I'd never cheat on you. Especially never with Chris. What happened that night at the hotel, it was, it was horrible. I couldn't remember anything. I just wanted to run to you but I hated myself."

"Because it's what he wanted you to feel," Jonathan looked at me then made the move to wrap his arms around me, "He's gone, no more Chris, ok?"

"Ok."

I felt his lips connect to my temple, as we stood on the street. Jonathan's body heat moved from mine to take me to his car then back to his apartment. The city lights flickered against his face as he drove us back. Once in his apartment, Jonathan opened the door to his dimly light room. I stood in the middle of the apartment, unsure of what to do since I hadn't been here in a while. He, on the other hand, walked around to me to the stereo to turn it on quietly.

I heard the faint stounds of Poison "Be the One" just as he walked back over to me. Slowly he started dancing with me, letting our bodies move to the music, while the world outside started to fade away. When the song ended, our foreheads rested against each other's in complete silence.

"I missed you," Jonathan whispered in the dark.

"Me too."

"Let's head to bed," He mentioned, slightly running his fingers down my sides.

"But mine's halfway across town," I giggled slightly to hear him let out a snickered sigh.

Jonathan lead me to his bedroom which was dark, except for the lights that were shining in through the window. I quickly took off my shirt to be in shorts and a sports bra to crawl under his covers. He soon pulled off his shirt and slid out of his jeans to crawl into bed next to me, moved his arms around my body, making the space between the two of us, lesser yet still warm.

"I missed this too," I smiled running my fingers down his bare arms.

"Mhmm," He mentioned into my neck, my eyes growing tired since I hadn't been able to sleep much lately.

"Bon nuit, Jonathan," I mentioned just before my body took me into slumber land.

"I love you, Blaze Chasez," Jonathan whispered into the night before finally falling asleep himself.