The World Is Still Sleeping, While I Keep on Dreaming

These Are My Confessions Because I Can't Lose You

After dinner with Duncan and Kelly, Jonathan took me back to his apartment where I was a bit quiet since a lot was going through my head. I mean on one hand, I really needed to tell Jonathan about mine and Quinn's son, but than again on the other hand, I didn't want to tell Jonathan because I didn't want to lose him.

"You were quiet on the way home," Jonathan mentioned as he closed the door to the apartment.

"Just a lot on my mind, I guess," I shrugged sitting down slowly on the couch.

"What's you talk with Quinn about?" Jonathan questioned sitting next to me.

"It's not important," I shrugged looking in the opposite direction of him.

"Blaze," Jonathan gave me a look.

"It's just complicated right now," I smiled at him lightly.

"You know I love you, right?" Jonthan questioned as I nodded.

"I do and I love you too," I smiled at him.

"And you can tell me anything," Jonathan made sure I knew.

"I know, just give me some time on this. Ok?" I pleaded as he kissed me quickly.

"Ok," He smiled looking deep into my eyes.

Jonathan leant in to kiss me again, slowly making out with me, placing his hands on my stomach when he pulled away slowly.

"What?" I looked at his smile on his face.

"They kicked," Jonathan smirked at me, his face pretty much speechless causing me to giggle.

"You look so cute," I watched him as he still had his hands resting on my stomach.

"It's still incredible," He smiled one of those bright smiles that I hadn't seen in a long time from him over his twins. "Makes you an amazing person."

"An amazing person that used to be at your throat," I giggled as he pushed me back into the couch.

"Only girl to do and it make it hot at the same time," He mentioned laying lightly on top of me.

"Really? You were attracted to me when I first stumbled into that locker room to meet you guys after Paula couldn't make it?" I ran my fingers up and down his arm.

"Yeah," He watched my eyes. "I just wasn't sure how to say anything to you, but then you gave me so much crap, I gave it back."

"But you still were drawn to me?" I slowly moved my hand that was on his arm underneath his shirt, to feel his abs. "Why?"

"I don't know," Jonathan shrugged at the thought. "I didn't think much, I just went with what felt right. And you were the only thing that made sense in my life."

"Depsite all the scars?" I smiled lightly remembering what Chris did.

"It made me realize that you were a strong person," Jonathan brushed hair out of my eyes. "What about you?"

"I always thought you were cute," I smiled lightly. "Just a tad moody when I met you but what guy isn't. Then seeing how much you'd fight for me and stand up to me, it made me realize I finally found the best damn thing in my life."

"Damn right you did," Jonathan smirked leaning down to kiss me as I felt a wave of guilt over the Quinn thing wash over me. "What's wrong?"

"Actually there's something I do need to tell you," I moved to sit up slightly as he looked at me.

"What?" Jonathan questioned watching me.

"The thing with Quinn," I took a deep breath just to prepare myself and him for what I was about to say. "No one else knows about this because at the time, I was so young and stupid, but-"

"But what?" Jonathan tensed at the thought while watching me.

"Quinn and I have a son, Bradin," I sighed then swallowed hard at what I was saying. "He's seven now."

"Tell me, you're joking?" Jonathan moved away from me slightly as I bit my lip.

"I wish I could but I'm not," I took a deep breath, ready for him to yell at me. "I'm sorry."

"So you just now tell me?" He glared as I felt even worse.

"No, it's just I gave Quinn full custody of Bradin since I didn't want kids when I was that young so Quinn took him in," I pleaded at him. "And I understand if you totally hate me because I hate me right now."

"But there's nothing going on with you and Quinn?" Jonathan questioned trying to process everything.

"No, I swear, nothing," I tried to get him to lighten up a little.

"So, do you want to be a part of Bradin's life?" Jonathan played with his finger as I pulled my knees up to my chest the best I could.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "That's the thing, I mean I do but at the same I was out of his life for so long that I don't know if I want to mess things up for him."

"I see," Jonathan got up from his spot to walk towards our room.

"Where are you going?" I watched him leave as he didn't look back at me.

"To bed," He mumbled.

"I can join you-" I started getting up but he turned sharply to look at me.

"I just want to think," He half snapped as my heart broke with the shutting of the door.

I sat there, stunned for a second before I got up from the couch to put my shoes and jacket on, then grabbed my keys to leave the apartment. Normally a girl would go get wasted but that wasn't me, I couldn't. I was pregnant with twins that I wasn't going to hurt because of what just happened.

No, instead, I drove to the next best thing. I headed to Sharpie's apartment just because I knew he would listen and if Jonathan went to look for me, he would find me easily. He knew I'd either be here or at Talia's or even Kaner's but he could find me.

Knocking at Patrick's door, my heart broke waiting for him to answer and when he did, I just collasped into a fit of tears. Patrick drug me into the apartment, sobbing the entire time.

"Blaze, what's going on?" Patrick questioned just as Abby walked into the room.

"I fucked up everything up," I sniffled still crying into his chest. "I'm the stupidest fucking girl ever."