My Calamity

I loved Penelope. I really truly and honestly loved her. I loved everything about her. I loved the way she scrunched her nose at things she didn't like. I loved the way her hands though small and light could create magnificent works of art. I loved the way she blushed profusely at the slightest innuendo of sex. I loved her with everything that was me, in every possible way.

It wasn't something easy I could come to terms with though because I knew this was really it. I knew that Penelope could break my heart but it wouldn't change anything. There wasn't a being in the world that could change the way I felt. I didn't understand for a long time why people stayed together forever, why sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't, why other people were lucky enough for it to work out.

But being with Penelope now – it was shedding light on these questions. We were only human, and we made mistakes, and sometimes we chose the wrong person but if you were lucky enough to choose the right person, the person you truly did love, you'd have to stay together forever because there wasn't any other way to live.

Being in love with someone meant you were willing to give up everything that made you happy just to make that person happy. It didn't guarantee you a perfect life, it didn't mean there wasn't going to be trials, and fights, but in the end you'd be willing to look past it because you were with someone that made you feel special even in your worst moments.

And I don't understand it all, I really don't but the pieces are starting to fall into place, and all I know is Penelope was all I could ever ask for, she really is. And while I'm scared, I'm so scared of what will happen, I'm not willing to end this with her because I don't think I'll have this ever again.

Penelope stirred next to me shaking me from my thoughts, and I looked down at her. She was looking up at me, and the light was beginning to seep into my room from outside, and I could see the light highlights in her hair, and her eyes that were blue unlike any blue I'd ever seen them before. "How long have you been awake?" she whispered not moving to look away from me.

"Not too long," I responded, and Penelope nodded. She closed her eyes briefly and then opened them again to look at me. "What?"

Her eyes were smiling at me and it made me smile back. "Nothing," she whispered a smile forming on her face to match her eyes. She sat up, her hair tumbling over her shoulder. "I should probably go." She bit into her bottom lip the way she always did when she was struggling with words, and I decided to help her a bit.

"I'll drive you." Before she could answer I'd climbed out of bed, and was looking for something to throw on. There were some diesel jeans at the top of the first drawer I opened, and I slipped into them, and then found a plain white tee shirt.

When I turned back to Penelope she was staring at something on my dresser. With further scrutiny I realized she was actually smelling my colognes. I watched her silently as she lifted a bottle and sniffed at it precariously, noting the way her nose curled, and how her eyes were slightly closed as if she were a dog trying to commit the scent to memory.

"Penel," I said and she looked up at me as if she was a deer caught in headlights. She set the cologne down slowly and I couldn't help but smile at her. We stared at each other, and I could feel it in the air, that unnamable thing that was just ours, Penelope and mine.

__________

To say Ben lived alone could be considered the truth. His mother had left when he was five, and his father worked his life away. The only person that was in the house other than Ben and Tallulah was Yvette, the live-in house maid. When we were young, Ben would sleep over my place more than he stayed at his own home, and my parents had taken the place of his own parents.

It was the reason Ben and I were so close, we were more brothers than friends. We knew things about each other; we were able to read each other, almost like what I had with Jessica.

After driving around his block for a good hour, I let myself in, and made my way up the winding staircase to his bedroom. I was kind of hoping, praying actually that Tallulah hadn't spent the night because that wasn't really something I needed, or wanted, to walk in on.

When I walked in I wasn't too sure if Ben was with Tallulah or not because it was pitch black. He had this thing about light and sleep, they just didn't go together. Not a single it of light was allowed if he was going to bed. As I got closer to his bed I noted thankfully he was the only one in it.

I kicked the bed, and watched delightfully as he jumped in it, and flipped onto his back like a fish out of water. He was always a light sleeper. "What the hell man?" he snapped when he noted it was me standing above him. I walked over to his computer desk which was littered with Playboys and CDs and grabbed the rolling chair, pulling it up to him.

I hadn't said anything yet and I guess that threw him off because he sat up quick and said, "You broke up."

I was bewildered, and a bit hurt by the assumption. "What? No."

"Oh," Ben said. "Sorry it's just your face…the expression..."

"I told her I loved her."

"And how did that work out for you?"

"Well," I answered mildly. "She's still with me." I told Ben everything that had occurred in the last twenty-four hour time-span. I was looking for someone to listen, maybe some advice, possibly some wisdom though I doubted Ben had any of that.

"So," he said when I was finished, staring up at the ceiling as he thought. "You weren't kidding."

"About what?" I asked staring at him curiously.

He cleared his throat before speaking. "You really do love her."

I shook my head. "That's all you're going to say?"

Ben laughed. "What else do you want me to say?"

"I don't know; tell me it was stupid to tell her so soon. Give me some kind of advice."

"My advice would be to be careful," he offered seriously.

"W-why?" I asked though I wasn't sure if I wanted the answer or not.

"Because no good can come from loving someone like that."