My Calamity
Epilogue
I thought the world would crumble away under my feet, or maybe a meteor would flail through the sky and kill us all, taking me with it. I'd been ready for a savaging vengeance, something that would tell me that I'd been wrong to say I love you. But alas, none of these things happened, nothing happened really; except inside me, I knew that I had changed. I didn't think my heart had grown bigger, or that my intestines had shifted, or even that I'd put on an extraneous amount of weight, there was just something different about me.
I felt whole even though I'd never really felt incomplete, I felt like I could climb Mount Everest, or sail the seven seas but nothing would really ever compare to saying I love you to the person I truly did love. It was unexplainable, all of it was – the concept of being in love, the idea of being loved. I'd never believed that teenagers could feel, or express such an emotion, I always thought that our parents were right, and we didn't know love.
And maybe we didn't know love, but does anyone know love? Can anyone quite define what love is? Was it spending every waking moment with a person but never being bored of it? Or wiling to fling your body in the way of bullet just to save that person? There is no real definition behind love. We, us teenagers, may not know what love is, but adults don't know what it is either.
My parents were in love, they were madly in love with each other but they didn't stay together till the end, and yet we all are disillusioned to believe that love will keep us together till the end, we feel that this is the way to describe love. Just because my parents didn't stay together doesn't mean they weren't once in love. It means we didn't know love as quite much as we thought we did.
But I guess what I'm trying to say is nobody knows love, nobody can define, but that doesn't mean that we're incapable of it. No matter the age, or the person we are susceptible to love, whether we want to be or not. I'd spent so much time believing I'd never fall in love, not because I couldn't but because I didn't want to. The first thing I wanted to do was get out of Harbor Springs.
And maybe I will get out of Harbor Springs, but maybe Patrick O'Connell will come with me because while we may not know much about love, or much about anything, we know that we love each other, and though that won't protect us against heartache, or bullet wounds, it will keep us whole until we're not in love anymore.
And sure that day could be tomorrow, or twenty years down the line when we have three kids, but right now, right here under the fireworks tonight with Patrick by my side, I'm not worrying about it. I've got my senior year ahead of me with Patrick by my side, and that's all I could ask for, it really is.
I felt whole even though I'd never really felt incomplete, I felt like I could climb Mount Everest, or sail the seven seas but nothing would really ever compare to saying I love you to the person I truly did love. It was unexplainable, all of it was – the concept of being in love, the idea of being loved. I'd never believed that teenagers could feel, or express such an emotion, I always thought that our parents were right, and we didn't know love.
And maybe we didn't know love, but does anyone know love? Can anyone quite define what love is? Was it spending every waking moment with a person but never being bored of it? Or wiling to fling your body in the way of bullet just to save that person? There is no real definition behind love. We, us teenagers, may not know what love is, but adults don't know what it is either.
My parents were in love, they were madly in love with each other but they didn't stay together till the end, and yet we all are disillusioned to believe that love will keep us together till the end, we feel that this is the way to describe love. Just because my parents didn't stay together doesn't mean they weren't once in love. It means we didn't know love as quite much as we thought we did.
But I guess what I'm trying to say is nobody knows love, nobody can define, but that doesn't mean that we're incapable of it. No matter the age, or the person we are susceptible to love, whether we want to be or not. I'd spent so much time believing I'd never fall in love, not because I couldn't but because I didn't want to. The first thing I wanted to do was get out of Harbor Springs.
And maybe I will get out of Harbor Springs, but maybe Patrick O'Connell will come with me because while we may not know much about love, or much about anything, we know that we love each other, and though that won't protect us against heartache, or bullet wounds, it will keep us whole until we're not in love anymore.
And sure that day could be tomorrow, or twenty years down the line when we have three kids, but right now, right here under the fireworks tonight with Patrick by my side, I'm not worrying about it. I've got my senior year ahead of me with Patrick by my side, and that's all I could ask for, it really is.
♠ ♠ ♠
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