Remembering the Summers

She sat at the edge of her driveway, sunglasses on her face and her famous lemonade in one hand. She felt her back burning in the Wednesday heat, but she didn’t care. She hadn’t cared much for anything lately, not since one of her best friends found out her secret. She took a sip of lemonade and almost choked as the sugar came in contact with her dry mouth. She couldn’t believe that it had been only two weeks since he had found out. Two weeks that she sat up in her room, not talking to anyone. Not even her best friend.

But today she sat outside. Waiting for the mail to come. She figured no one would see her, since no one had bothered coming to her house for the past week. But the odds were against her.

“I thought you died.” a voice rang, coming from her left. Her head shot in that direction and she frowned, brow furrowing. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, her eyes moving to the glass in her hand. There were only about three ice cubes left, after putting a cup full in earlier.

She heard him sigh and she fought the urge to look at him. “Why the hell do you think I’m here, Shi?” he said, and edge in his voice she had not once heard in their eight year best-friendship. This caused her to look up at him and deepen her frown. She hated the look that was plastered on his face. She hated how she wanted to wrap her arms around her best friend and tell him she was sorry. But mostly, she hated how she knew that it was her fault for him to be in this mood.

“You shouldn’t be here Kennedy.” She said, looking away from him and to the pavement in front of her. There were ants crawling along the road, carrying different items.

“Dear god Shiloh Eve. You’re my best friend, I’ve been worried about you. I cant fucking believe that you didn’t even answer my calls. I can understand Gar’s, and Pat’s even Jared’s. But mine?” he said, his voice cracking.

She started shaking her head as soon as she felt his speech starting. The back of her throat started to hurt and she felt her eyes burn. “Kenny, you don’t get it. This whole thing should not have happened. I wish it didn’t.”

He came and sat down next to her, then wrapped his arm around her waist as he kissed her head.

“None of this is your fault, Shiloh.” he whispered, as she started to cry.

“John hates me, doesn’t he? I shouldn’t have done it Kenny.” She said through sobs. She could feel her make up running down her cheeks.

“You know he could never hate you, darling. You know this, so does he. But, he needs time.” he said softly, rubbing soft circles on her back.

Not too long later they walked into her house, and up to her room. She collapsed onto her bed and started to cry more. She couldn’t believe this day would come. She felt Kennedy sit down beside her and she wrapped her arms around his middle and cried on his shirt.

“Thank you, Kennedy.” she whispered, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

Kennedy moved so he was sitting in front of her, then he grabbed her face and held her eyes with his.

“You know how much I love you Shi, you’re my best friend. I will always be here for you, no matter happens, alright?” he said, his voice so stern that she trembled with another set of sobs.

She felt as if she didn’t deserve friends like Kenny. After how she acted for the past two weeks, she felt like she didn’t deserve anything.

“I have to go sweetie.” He said, giving her one last hug and standing up. He was almost to the door when she spoke.

“If he goes through with it, I cant do it anymore. I cant be friends with him. It would hurt too much. Am I a horrible person for that?” she asked, her eyes searching his face for any sign that he did indeed see her as a horrible person. But nothing was there.

He walked back over to her and cupped her cheek. “I am never going to think your horrible for how you feel. I love you Shi.” He kissed her forehead and walked swiftly from the room.

She was left to think and cry by herself. It was astonishing to her that even though so many horrible things had happened, she still had her best friend there for her. She realized then that he would never leave her and she felt a little better. It wasn’t like she was going to go around purposely doing stupid things, but she felt like she could make it through whatever was to happen in the next month, or the month after that.

She heard her mom and dad come home a few hours later, and she decided that she should shower so her parents didn’t think something horrible had happened, even though something did.

She went into her shower and let the steam calm her down. She got out twenty minutes later, feeling decent. She went into her room and straight to her closet, not even noticing the flower and note that were on her window seal, until after she was fully dressed.

Walking over to her window an odd feeling came to the pit of her stomach: nervousness. She picked up the red tulip and smiled slightly, this was her favorite flower. She opened the note and her eyes started to water as she read it.

Shiloh,

I am just going to go straight to the point. I can’t believe you did that to me. You knew how much that day meant to me, yet you still had to go and be an idiot and scare the living shit out of me. You mean the world to me, and seeing you stumble across that bridge like that scared me more than I thought was ever possible. I love you. I have loved you since day one, when you started school in fifth grade, and I saw you beat up Harley after school for picking on you. I knew there was something about you that was extremely different, and I liked it. Getting older only made you more perfect in my eyes. You became one of my best friends, and seeing you everyday made me want to confess my feelings for you. But I thought those feelings faded as I realized that you would never like me in the same way. I decided that it hurt less in thinking that one day you wouldn’t love me. But I woke up this morning and realized that they never faded, they were always there. I saw you date other guys, and always felt that they were never good enough for you, but I thought it was because I was being protective. I was protective of you because I was jealous of those guys. They got to hold you and kiss you, while I stood on the sidelines. I cant believe you thought that I loved Haven, even after everything she did. But I understand it. After you telling me how you felt about me, I didn’t know what to think. When you ran out after I didn’t answer, I wanted to call you back and kiss you. But I was shocked. I never though you did. I love you Shi, I always have.

These past two weeks I have been in my room, wondering why you would walk across the bridge, looking toward the ground as if you wanted to jump toward it. I didn’t realize it was because of how I reacted. It was my fault, wasn’t it? I just need to know why I had to pull you down, and shake some sense into you. God, I’m so sorry Shi. Sorry for not telling you this until now.

I also realized that we could never really be together. The reason being that I would only be home for a month or two at a time because of touring. I couldn’t do that to you. It would be too hard for the both of us. I know this sounds like a lame excuse, but I honestly think that I want you as a friend until we settle into this new life. Then maybe we could try it. Try to make us work. But I don’t know how long that would be, and I don’t want you to wait for me.

I know your going to need time, and I respect that. But Shi, if you stop being my friend, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. You mean too much to me, more than anything.

I love you,
John.

Shiloh supped her hand over her mouth and let out a sob as the note and the flower fell to the floor. This couldn’t have been happening. She would have rather him tell her he didn’t like her like that than this. Knowing he loved her only made her feel worse and empty. Knowing they couldn’t be together killed her.

She sat on her bed and repeated what she had been doing for the past two weeks. Only this time, her sobs deepened. She didn’t even bother stopping when her mother came in to tell her about dinner, but ended up comforting her daughter.

Once Shiloh had cried herself to sleep, her mother left and called Kennedy who immediately came over. When he entered her room, he noticed the note and flower on her floor and picked them up. He didn’t read the note, but he knew it was from John. He set the flower and note on her nightstand then crawled into bed next to her. He fell asleep with his arms around her, scolding John in his head.