Remembering the Summers

“Garret!” Shiloh whined, wiping cake off of her face. She heard snickers and snorts from around her.

“If someone doesn’t get me another rag, there is going to be a problem.” She said, feeling around her. Her eyes were still closed because cake was threatening to invade them.

“Come on! You’re seventeen, you can get a rag yourself.” Garret said, laughing some more.

“That’s it.” Shiloh grabbed the nearest cloth she could feel, wiped her face and eyes, then glared at the faces around her. She walked up to garret and wiped the rag all over his face. At first he froze, but then he realized what she was doing and pulled away, hitting her hand. Shiloh was laughing, which made everyone else laugh.

“I told you.” Shiloh said, fake glaring at Garret. Her whole face was smiling at him. He had little spots of frosting on his face.

“Sorry love.” She heard John whisper, then felt more cake slam into the side of her head. She gasped and turned around, smiling. She reached for John and pulled his head towards hers. She rubbed her head against his, smearing cake on another victim. John started laughing and pulled her into a hug. “Happy Birthday.” He whispered.

Shiloh looked up and her breath caught at how close he was to her. She smiled and hugged John back, in the process smearing more cake on his shirt.

“I hope you don’t like that shirt too much.” Shiloh smiled up at him, then turned away. She ignored the feeling in the pit of her stomach as she looked for another victim. As she started to walk away, she felt John grab her hand. None of the other guys noticed because they were too busy eating the cake off Garret. She turned to John and blushed as he smiled at her.

“I forgot to give you your present.” He said, pulling a package out of his pocket. She grabbed it and smiled.

“Let’s go inside and clean up, then I’ll open it.” She told him, dragging him inside. They went up to her bathroom. She grabbed him a towel and went to the sink. She started with her face then worked on her hair. She gave up five minutes into trying to untangle her hair, and decided to just put it up. She looked at John and huffed. He was leaning on her door frame, cake free and smirking. She shook her head and went to her bed. She sat down and looked at her package.

“What is it?” She asked, shaking it.

“Like I’d tell you.” John smirked. He came and sat down next to her, their legs touching. Shiloh ignored her pulse as it increased.

“Fine.” She pulled off the red paper and the purple bow and was faced with a delicate box. Her heart began to beat faster, and she felt a blush coming on. She opened the box and gasped.

“Do you like it?” John asked, biting his lip. Shiloh looked at him and smiled. In the box was a silver charm bracelet that had several charms on them. One was a dolphin, her favorite animal. The next one was half of a sun, and half of a moon. And the last one was heart with stones in it.

“John, its beautiful!” she smiled, hugging him. He hugged back and kissed her cheek.

“Can you…uhm.” she said, pulling away from him slowly, referring to the bracelet. He nodded and grabbed the bracelet out of the box. He clasped it around her wrist and beamed down at her. She looked down at her bracelet and smiled.

She felt John touch her cheek and pull her face to his. “John…” she whispered, grabbing his shirt and pulling him toward her softly.

“Shiloh.” He said, his voice hoarse. He was looking all over her face, taking her every feature in. He cupped her cheeks and brushed his lips against hers. She couldn’t ignore the feelings that were bubbling up inside of her. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She had wanted this ever since she could remember.

John had his lips to her neck, and she was pulling him harder against her. His hands traveled up her shirt and she started taking his off. John reattached their mouths and leaned her onto the bed.

“John.” she moaned into the kiss. He grabbed the back of her neck, his hands roaming her body. Her shirt was unbuttoned and he was in the process of undoing her bra. She moved her hands to his belt and unfastened it.

“John? Shiloh? Where are you?” Kennedy’s voice rang from the hallway. John shot up, grabbing his shirt along the way, having it on in one motion. Shiloh stood up, her whole body shaking as she tried to straighten her shirt. She and John were staring at each other, confused looks on both of their faces.

“I, uh-”She started, but the door opened, revealing Kennedy and the rest of the guys.

“What are you guys doing?” Kennedy asked, looking directly at Shiloh. She averted her gaze to the bracelet box on the floor.

“I just gave her the present I got for her.” John said, moving toward her with a faux smile and grabbing her wrist, showing everyone her bracelet. Not five seconds later, he was dropping her hand and moving toward the door, not even glancing at her.

“Come back downstairs Shi, you still have to open our presents!” Pat smiled, hopping up and down behind Kennedy. Shiloh nodded and made an excuse about going to the bathroom first. Kennedy followed her, blocking the bathroom door before it shut.

“What Kenny?” She smiled, balling her hands into fists to stop shaking.

“What just happened?” he demanded, concern written all over his face.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, her eyes not moving from his. She had to play dumb, had to pretend that didn’t happen until she talked to John.

“Don’t play dumb with me Shiloh. You didn’t see the look on your face when John left the room. What happened between you two?” he asked, moving into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

“Kenny, your seeing things. Nothing happened, he just gave me my bracelet. That’s it. Let it go.” She snapped, turning away from him.

Nothing else was said between them, Kennedy left and Shiloh stayed up there for a few minutes breathing. She went downstairs and put on a smile for the rest of the guys. John sat in the corner of the living room, not even looking at Shiloh as she opened her presents. They all left with goodbyes, even John. But he didn’t touch her. He just told her happy birthday and left. Leaving Shiloh there not knowing if that would ever happen again.

_____________________________

Shiloh walked into The Maine’s band practice after another week of silence in her room. All eyes shot towards her, and Kennedy was the first to jump up and hug her. Pat soon followed, then the rest of the guys. John just sat there, staring at her with curious eyes. He hadn’t called her, nor had she called him. She really did need time to think about everything.

After John kissed her, she needed to re-group. She needed to think about what she wanted her and John to be. She loved him more than anything, and she didn’t want to ruin that. But just being his friend? She didn’t know if she could handle that. After what had happened, after finally realizing why he had kissed her on her 17th birthday, she could never forget that.

But she did need him in her life. Even if it would be hard. She needed him there for her. Maybe things wouldn’t be like they used to be, but it would be better than not having each other.

She walked to John and gave him a small smile. He grinned back and stood up, automatically hugging her. Shiloh gave him a tiny hug, then stepped away from him quickly. She didn’t know if she could handle contact like that for a while.

“Can we uhm, talk later? After you guys practice, of course. But, yeah.” She mumbled, she didn’t want anyone to overhear them.

“Of course.” He said, sticking his hands in his pockets. Shiloh nodded and then went to sit down where Kennedy was sitting. She felt John’s eyes on her the whole way.

They started their practice and Shiloh sat there watching them all. She admired them more than they knew. She was so proud that they were following their dreams. They were achieving the goals that they set for themselves in seventh grade. Now all of them, except for Pat, where graduated and were about to head out on their first tour.

She laid down on the couch and shut her eyes, listening to the music. She didn’t realize she fell asleep until someone was shaking her awake. She opened her eyes and saw a smiling Pat sitting there, grinning.

“Get up sleepy head.” he said, the sides of his eyes crinkling with his smile.

“I’m up.” she said softly. She looked around the room and frowned. No one but her and Pat were there.

“They all went upstairs.” he said simply. He got up and started up the stairs, but stopped when he noticed she was still on the couch. “Are you coming?”

“Sorry about the last few-”

“Don’t. Everything is fine between everyone. Don’t even mention it.” he said, giving a tiny smile, then disappearing up the stairs.

She sighed then followed him up the steps. She heard them in the kitchen, so she headed in that direction.

“Shiloh.” He said, stopping her dead in her tracks. He stepped out into view in front of her and smiled softly. “You said you wanted to talk.”

“I do.” She said, turning and going out the back door. She heard him following her, but decided not to look back. She reached the table outside and sat down. He sat down across from her, and they just stared at each other.

“I’m sorry, about last week. I was out of line.” he said softly, clasping his hands together. She looked at his face and saw no sarcasm, or anything that would make her believe that he was lying. He was telling the truth.

“I need you in my life John.” she told him, deciding to go straight to the point. She wouldn’t look him in the eyes, she couldn’t trust her emotions.

“Shiloh, I should have told you sooner…about how I felt about you. I should have told you on your 17th birthday. We could have been together for two years. But I though-” he started, but Shiloh couldn’t take it.

“You thought that me kissing you back wasn’t enough of a hint? You thought me taking your shirt off was just for fun?” she asked, her tone sarcastic. “ No, wait. Taking off your pants wasn’t a hint. It’s just something friends do while making out.” He sat there staring at her, unable to talk.

“You didn’t give me any answers that next day, John. None. But I accepted that it was a mistake, and I ignored every feeling I had for you after that. I went on pretending that it never happened, and it seemed you did too. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Three weeks ago, I tell you how I feel, because I couldn’t take it anymore. You sit there, like a deer caught in the headlights. Did you even wonder how that made me feel? But wait, after I tell you, I decide to go get a little tipsy and walk on a bridge and you think I want to kill myself. And that just makes me feel like I’m on top of the fucking world. I thought everything had happened, but when that letter came, I couldn’t believe it. You had to tell me in a letter? You couldn’t have told me at the bridge?” She finished, breathing heavy. She promised herself she wasn’t going to cry. And she wasn’t going to. She was heartbroken, but she would never admit to it.

John sat slumped in his chair, looking at Shiloh with a pained expression on his face. They didn’t move for minutes, letting her words sink in.

“Shiloh, I’m sorry. For everything I have ever done to you. I never meant to hurt you, what happened between us… I never wanted it to end. But look at it from my point of view. When we were in high school, I was immature and stupid, I couldn’t read girls. Let alone you, and I saw you everyday. And now? Now that we both know how we feel? I cant just leave you. I leave next week for five months. I cant do that to you Shiloh. Please, just believe me. I need you in my life, like you need me in yours.” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

“I want to be your friend, John. Nothing more. Please don’t make that complicated.” she whispered as well, looking away from him.

“Shiloh, I cant-”

“Just promise me.” she cut him off, looking back at him. She saw the flash of hurt in his eyes but ignored it.

“I cant promise you anything.”