Save Me

A couple of days later I was back at the beach for my shift again. But this time, Morgan was already standing there.

“Morgie, it’s 9am – what are you doing here?” I chuckled, locking my car.

“I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d come and find you,” Morgan shrugged.

“Why didn’t you just go to my house?” I mused, walking over to him.

“I figured you’d be here at some point,” Morgan said simply.

“Fair enough. You want to hang by my station with me today then?” I asked with a smile.

Hanging out with Morgan for the day would definitely spice up my shift. Especially since Javier’s shift only overlaps with mine for an hour.

“Sounds good to me. As long as I don’t have to go in the water,” Morgan nodded.

“You’re not allowed in the water until you’ve had swimming lessons, remember?” I teased.

“Yeah, yeah,” Morgan mumbled, shoving me lightly.

I just laughed and started walking across the sand to the main hut. If I’m hanging out with Morgan today, then I’ll need to put my spare clothes into my locker. I don’t always bring a change of clothes, but I’m glad I did today. And I’m especially glad that there are showers in the main hut – at least I’ll be able to get the salt water and sand off my body so I won’t have to feel uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

“What time are you working until?” Morgan asked, following me.

“I’m starting now at 9, so my shift will end at 3. Everyone only does 6 hour shifts, and if we’re needed for another shift in the day, then we take an hour break in between. But I’m only working till 3 today, which is good,” I smiled.

Morgan just nodded. I opened my locker and put my faded denim shorts and white t-shirt in there, leaving myself only in my red boardshorts. Damn, I do love summer.

“Alright, let’s get going then!” I said enthusiastically.

*

At half past 3, I was back in the staff changing rooms of the main hut with Morgan. He was sitting down on a bench while I had a quick shower, the door open between us. Obviously he wasn’t looking in, but leaning against the wall closest to the door so he could hear me. We’d spend most of the day just talking about what’s changed between the two of us. Like our music tastes, our sport tastes, our girl tastes, our clothing tastes…you know, the important things. Okay, so not quite important, but it was avoiding the emotional baggage that I really didn’t want to unload right now.

“So you do this every day?” Morgan called.

“Nah, not every day. About 4 days a week. But I spend all my free days at the gym in the morning and surfing in the afternoon. And if I have an afternoon shift I go to the gym that morning too,” I explained, washing the shampoo out of my hair.

“Fuck, a gym addict?” Morgan teased.

“Hey, if I didn’t go to the gym I wouldn’t have a body like this,” I called back teasingly.

Morgan stayed silent, confusing me a little. I turned the shower off, and roughly dried my hair and body, before wrapping the towel around my waist. I walked out of the shower room to where Morgan was sitting, smiling at him.

“What’s with you and towels, huh?” Morgan asked weakly.

I just laughed, rolling my eyes. I’m used to the jocks I share a changing room with at school walking around in towels after games when Javier and I have finished swim practice, so it doesn’t faze me. Did Morgan not keep up with his football then?

“My mom thinks I spend too much time at the beach, but I don’t. It helps me feel connected to…”

The words dried up in my mouth. Morgan does know yet.

“Connected to the people,” I finished lamely, pulling on my boxers under my towel.

“You care way too much,” Morgan laughed, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, probably,” I shrugged, dropping my towel and grabbing my t-shirt.

As I finished getting dressed, we stayed in silence. A kind of awkward silence. Damn, I thought we were over these by now.

“Can I ask something?” Morgan said suddenly, breaking the silence.

“Uh, sure, go for it,” I nodded.

What on Earth would he want to know?

“Where’s Jensen?” Morgan asked.

“W-What?” I choked.

Oh fuck. Oh holy fuck.

“You know, your twin brother? Dude, I haven’t seen him once since I’ve been back – is he in some sort of military academy or something?” Morgan chuckled.

My twin brother. My dead twin brother. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t. I was just…frozen. Morgan frowned.

“Tee, what’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“I-I…there’s something you need to see,” I managed to whisper.

Morgan looked even more confused now. In silence I shut my locker and grabbed my car keys, walking out of the hut without even checking to see if Morgan was following. I knew he would be though. I got into my car and started the engine, waiting until Morgan had put his seatbelt on to pull out of the parking space.

“Where are we going?” Morgan demanded.

“You’ll see,” I grunted.

So sue me if I’m not feeling so cheerful right now. The car ride was silent apart from Escape The Fate blaring from the speakers. My hands were shaking as I drove, but I tried to hide it. There was no need to break the composure I’ve worked so hard on, is there? When we eventually pulled up outside the cemetery, Morgan gasped.

“Oh my God,” Morgan whispered.

I just cut the engine and got out the car, walking into the cemetery. I heard Morgan get out the car and run to catch up with me. I’m just grateful that he didn’t speak as we walked through the headstones. I don’t think I’d be able to hold a conversation right now. When we got to Jensen’s grave, I knelt down in front of it.

“Jensen Reagan, 20th July 1992 – 29th August 2000, beloved son and twin taken too soon from this earth by the sea,” I read quietly.

I couldn’t look at Morgan. I just couldn’t. A lump rose in my throat and tears stung at my eyes, but I fought them. I can’t show this weakness! I can’t! I’ve worked so hard to be perfect, and now…no, I won’t crumble!

“But…I stopped coming here in July of 2000,” Morgan whimpered.

I turned my head to him, glaring slightly. Morgan looked shocked at the teary anger in my eyes.

“Yeah, my twin died 2 months after you abandoned us. I had no-one! No-one at all! Both of my best friends left me and I was alone! I had nothing!” I hissed.

“Tee, if I had known…” Morgan said desperately.

“What? You would’ve come back? You would’ve made an attempt to contact me for the last 9 years? Well guess what…you didn’t! You did NOTHING!” I shouted.

“I didn’t know!” Morgan defended.

“You have NO idea of the hell I’ve gone through! I was so fucking depressed at the age of 8 that my parents had to get me a therapist! Aged 8! For years I had this massive fucking hole inside of me because I had no-one left. Carlie and my parents had NEVER looked at me the same because it’s my fault that he died! So don’t you dare try to defend yourself because there is NOTHING you can say that will even come close to making this right!” I yelled.

“Tryce, please,” Morgan begged, “I’m sorry,”

“Forget it. I’m out of here,” I said angrily.

I rose to my feet, storming away. Tears streamed down my face as I walked, and I let them. Too much time has passed for me to be able to keep up this barrier. I heard running feet behind me, but I yelped as Morgan jumped on my back, sending the both of us crashing to the floor.

“Let me go!” I shouted, trying to fight off his encasing arms.

“No. I wasn’t fucking here for you when you needed me 9 years ago so I’m going to be here for you now, damn it,” Morgan growled.

I thrashed a bit more, before giving up and dropping my head back onto Morgan chest. I closed my eyes as the tears continued to pour, whimpering as Morgan dried my cheeks with his hands.

“Ssh, it’s okay. I’m here now,” Morgan soothed, rubbing his thumb over my collarbone.

I sniffed and swallowed hard to control my emotions, keeping my eyes closed as Morgan continued to run his thumb over my collarbone.

“Tell me what happened,” Morgan urged.

“I-I don’t know if I can,” I choked.

“Try. For me,” Morgan pleaded.

I took a deep breath, before nodding. Here does nothing.

“Come on Tee, the waves are amazing today!” Jensen grinned, his unruly blonde hair bouncing in excitement.

I turned to face him, running a hand through my identical hair.

“I don’t know. We’re not meant to go into the water when mom and dad aren’t home,” I frowned.

“When are mom and dad ever home?” Jensen retorted.

“Won’t we get into trouble?” I persisted.

“It’ll be fun! Come on Tee, for me?” Jensen begged.

He knows I’d do anything for him. So I pushed my doubts to the back of my head and picked up my kid-size surfboard, following my brother out of our house and onto the beach. If he thinks it’s okay, then it must be okay, right? I frowned as my twin jogged down the beach, further than we normally go, well away from the parts that the public use.

“There are a lot of rocks here,” I frowned.

“It’ll be fine. Jeez, you worry too much,” Jensen giggled.

I stuck my tongue out at him, and he returned the favor.

“Race you!” Jensen yelled.

He started running before I even processed his words.

“HEY! CHEATER!” I yelled back.

I pulled my t-shirt over my head and tossed it to the ground, knowing it wouldn’t get stolen because there were only a few people on this part of the beach. As I got to the water’s edge, I saw Jensen already riding a wave. A really big wave.

“Be careful Jay!” I shouted.

“I always am!” he shouted back, not even looking at me.

I froze as the wave crashed early, Jensen tumbling with it. And he was really close to the rocks! I waited until the water had calmed a bit for Jensen to come back up. But after a minute or two, there was no sign of him. Not even his board.

“Come on Jay, this isn’t funny!” I shouted.

But he still didn’t come up. Panic filled me, and I turned my head to see if there was a lifeguard anywhere. I spotted one quite far away.

“HELP! HELP!!!!!” I screamed.

The lifeguard didn’t hear me, but a few other people did, and ran over to the station. I ran into the water and dived under, trying desperately to spot my brother even though the salt was stinging my eyes like crazy. Just before my breath ran out, I spotted a yellow surfboard. Jensen’s surfboard. With my lungs screaming at me, I dove further down, swimming faster. I was always a better swimmer than Jensen. I screamed silently when I saw Jensen’s unconscious body, but I tugged on his board cord, releasing his leg. I grabbed his body and swam to the surf, gasping for air as I broke out the water. When the lifeguard spotted us, he dove in and grabbed both our bodies, dragging us to the shore. I collapsed onto my back, the lifeguard lying Jensen down. There were people crowded around us, but I paid no attention to them. Jensen was all I cared about. The lifeguard tried to resuscitate my twin, but no matter how many times he breathed into his mouth and pumped on his chest, Jensen didn’t move. His eyes didn’t open and his chest didn’t rise or fall. He was…nothing.

“NO!!” I screamed.

“Jensen had got his cord trapped between two rocks, and he swallowed too much water before the wave calmed down for him to release his leg. If I had stopped us going to the beach, or if I had gone after him quicker, he wouldn’t be dead. It’s my fault,” I finished.

“No it’s not your fault. Don’t you dare think that. Jensen made his decision, not you,” Morgan whispered.

I just shook my head, knowing he was wrong. Morgan scooped me up in his arms, holding me tightly.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered into my ear.

“Me too,” I whispered back.