Ways to Love Your Brother

Staring back into the yes of a shocked Gerard, the tears that were held in his eyes, fell down his face.

"I-I don't understand," Frank stammered.

"I do this, because it's too much to handle," I said, "You won't eve look at me," I screamed this at Gerard, "I'm sorry if I hurt you, but you hurt me too. I need someone who will trust me when I tell them I'm not lying."

"What are you talking about," Frank asked, looking at me, then at Gerard.

"Well maybe if you wouldn't have cheated on me, then I would believe you," Gerard yelled.

"Look! I said I was sorry," I responded, "I told you I was sorry, and as far as I was concerned, you had forgiven me."

"You called him sugar!"

"It's a fucking name! Get over it! I'll call everyone sugar at some point tin time," I took a deep breath, and sighed, "It's just.... You over reacted."

"I'm sorry," Gerard said, pulling me in for a hug, "I'm sorry."

"Me too," I replied.

"Was it really just that," he asked, pulling away.

"It just hurt so much that you hated me. That.... No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough to get your attention.

"And then there's Ray and Matt, who don't help at all. They're always.... Making things difficult.

"And Frank's been possessive lately, it's almost as if he doesn't want me around any guy for fear that he'll loose me, and.... Oh Gerard.... I'm so sorry." I surrendered back into Gerard's loving embrace.

"It's okay Mikey..... I'm here.... I'll always be here," Gerard said, hugging me tightly.

"Do.... Do you really think I'm possessive," came Frank's voice from behind me.

Pulling away, I turned around to face Frank. He sat on Gee's bed, staring at us, more at me, with hurt eyes.

Standing up, I grabbed a hold of my jeans, and pulled them up, re-buckled them. My cut had stopped bleeding by now, and I was getting the urge to cut again... this room was filled with too much drama.

"Frank...." I came closer to him, and further away from the door, "I do, but it's not to the point where it's a major problem. It's just.... Annoying."

"You could have said something," he said.

"Frank," shit, this was taking too long, "It's just you being you.... You're always annoying everyone," I smiled, trying to make him feel better, but it wasn't working. Frank still looked hurt.

Leaning in, I gently took his lips in mine, and kissed him softly. Pulling away, I placed my forehead against his, and stared into his hazel eyes.

"I love you," I said, shocking not only myself, but Gerard and Frank as well. I'm not sure I ever told Frank that before.

Frank's arms wrapped themselves around my waist, holding me close. A small smile appeared on his lips as he moved his head to close the space between us.

This kiss however was mind blowing. It was the most intense kiss we've ever shared, and that counts the time I cheated too.

This kiss managed to wash away every thought, and basically everything that was within reach of us. The only thing we were aware of were each other and the kiss.

Pulling away, I noticed we were not lying down on Gee's bed. A smile split on our faces, and we both dove back in for another kiss.

Pulling at each others shirts, and hair all that became important to us, was the other person.

I didn't care if Gerard was in the room, or if mom was downstairs, or if dad was home.... Shit! Dad's home.

"Frank, Gerard, Mikey," Mom called form the bottom of the stirs, "Dinners ready!"

Frank pulled away from underneath me, which earned him a pout from me. He gave me a sly grin which could have signaled several things.

"Well have fun later," he whispered, his lips close to my ear.

I kissed his lips, and with our lips connected, we got up and tried to make our way to the door.

"Come on you two," Gerard demanded, standing in the doorway, not exactly looking at us.

We separated, and laced out fingers together, walking down the stairs behind Gee, we entered the dinning room, and saw my mom, and dad sitting at the table.

Three more spots were set, two on one side and one on the other.

Gerard sat on the side with one spot, taking the hint, and Frank and I sat next to each other.

Smiling at my mother, I got a warm, but worried, look form her. Turning to my father, my smile faded at the sight of his sour face.

"Hey dad," I said calmly, "Hello mom," once again mom smiled at me, but upon turning to my father, he did nothing.

Mom started passing around the food, and we all took what we wanted and passed the dish on to the next person.

Once everyone had their food, we started waiting. The meal was quiet, and no one dared to look up at each other, but Frank and I managed to sustain ourselves, but rubbing elbows, or some other body part.

"So," mom said, breaking the silence, "How was your day at work dear?" all eyes turned on dad eagerly waiting his answer.

"I had to fire six of our employees. Six of them! And, to top that, our shipment is a month behind, and we already have a mile's worth of complaints."

My eyes fell to my plate, as a wave of nervousness washed over me. Dad was angry enough as it is, and if I were to tell him I was gay, well, there's no telling how he'll react.

The table fell silent again, and I watched as my family, and boyfriend, kept their eyes on their plates.

Looking over at Frank, I took a deep breath, and looked up.

"Dad," I said, gaining the attention of everyone at the table, "I don't really know if this is going to make your day brighter, or darker, but mom already knows this, and is happy that I told her."

Gerard was staring at me quizzically, trying to figure out what my announcement was. Mom smiled at me, and dad was just staring at me.

"Dad...." I took a deep breath, "I'm gay."

"What," he shouted, looking at me with dangerous eyes, that caused me to shrink away, "How is that supposed to help me?"

"Donald," mom exclaimed.

"Not now, Donna," he said, "Get out of his room! Get out of my sight!"

Tears formed in my eyes, started to slip. Getting up from my chair, I ran to the upstairs bathroom, unaware that Gerard and Frank running up behind me.

After closing and locking the door, I broke down into massive sobs.

Outside, I heard muffled yells, and the sound of two more people coming up the stairs.

Reaching into the shower, I pulled out the razor I used for cutting, and quickly pulled down my pants.

The muffled yells softened into desperate nonsense.

"Mikey," dad called, banging on the door, "Michale?"

I didn't answer, I couldn't answer.

Bringing the edge of the razor to the inner part of my thigh, I applied pressure, and dragged the blade down my thigh, drawing a line of dark red blood.

Biting down on my lip, I got ready to cut again, when the door opened.

"Michale," dad exclaimed, staring at me in complete shock. Mom stood in the doorway, one hand clutching dad's elbow, and the other was held over her mouth.

Through my tears, I could see hers going down her cheeks.

Dropping the razor, I stumbled back, falling over the edge of the bathtub, and landing very painfully at the bottom. My tears ran down my face, past my messed up glasses.

Dad and Gee came forward, and pulled me out. My legs gave out, and I pulled my father down with me. My sobs soon consumed me, as I clung to him, crying into his chest.

Mom and Gerard bent down next to us, mom hugging me from behind, and Gerard placing his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Mikey," dad said, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry," he was quiet for a moment, then he added, "I love you so much."

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice strained with tears, "I love you too, dad."