Ways to Love Your Brother

My parents signed me up for counseling at school, and therapy outside school. I had no problem in sharing my problems, but I had to be careful with what I said about Gerard.

The word was out with all out parents, that Frank and I were gay. To our surprise, Frank and mine, none of them freaked out.

Frank's mom and my parents both knew that we were dating and were fine with it. Ray, Matt, and other friends teased us about it.

Today was Monday, I had both counseling, and therapy today. They have both assigned me a series of rubber bands. I was to wear them everyday.

It was a method they assigned most cutters. When there was an urge, we would snap the bands against our wrists, until the urge went away. It's almost like quitting smoking, and everyone knew when you were troubled.

"So, Mikey," Mrs. Martin, our school counselor started after we exchanged out 'warm' hellos, "How have you been this past week?"

"I've been fine."

"How are things with you and Frank? Well, I hope."

"Yeah, we're fine," of course I told her about me and Frank.

"How many times have you had the urge to cut yourself this week?"

"Just twice."

"'Just twice,'" I nodded, "What caused them?"

"Shouldn't my therapist be asking me these questions?"

"You don't have to tell me, Mikey. I'm only here.... As a friend."

"Well, it's not working," I replied.

"I'm sorry," she answered.

We talked about things for the rest of the hour that I had, and then mom picked me up to take me to Dr. Telsey, my therapist.

Sharron Telsy was a nice person, and a good therapist. She could get the story out of you in an instant if she had to. But lucky for me.... She didn't want to just yet.

"Good evening, Mikey," she said smiling.

"Hello," I answered.

"Have a seat."

Her office had changed since the last time I was here. Her desk and bookshelves were in the same place, but two chairs and a couch were added to the room.

Dr. Telsey took a seat in one of the chairs, and waved her hand at the other two choices.

Now, I'm a big fan of Stephen King, along with my brother, and I've read most of his books... including Dream Catcher. And I know what she's trying to pull... But unfortunately, I forgot which chair means which.

Taking the one my gut wanted, I sat in the chair next to her, leaving the couch empty. Dr. Telsey nodded slightly, and wrote something down on her notepad.

"How has your week been," she asked.

"It's okay," I answered.

"Did you cut yourself? And be honest."

"I had the urge to, but I used the rubber bands."

"That's good," she wrote something down on he notepad again, "Why?"

"They.... Had to do with my... love life."

"What happened?"

"I... don't really know, like, I'm not sure."

"Try to explain."

"I love Frank, but he's not my first love. Someone else was."

"Who is this 'someone else?'"

"I'd rather not say."

"Alright, continue."

"Well, when I was with this someone, I cheated on him with Frank," I could feel myself begin to stare into space, "and after a while, he found out what I was doing, and we tired to work it out, but it didn't work.

"So Frank and I started dating, and now, I feel like.... I might be in love with that someone again."

"Did you ever stop loving them in the first place?"

"I'm not sure."

Looking back at Dr. Telsey, I noticed that she hadn't written anything down on her notepad.

"How long have you known this person?"

"My whole life."

"Is this someone close to you?"

"I really don't want to talk about him."

"Why not, Mikey? Because you don't want to believe that you're still in love with this man, and not Frank?"

"No."

"Why are you so scared of saying his name? You have nothing to hide here."

"Stop."

"You can trust me. Please. Whatever happens in this room, stays-"

"Please stop! I don't want to talk about Gee!"

"Gee? As in Gerard," Dr. Telsey's eyes were fixed on me, and I soon realized that in my separate attempt to silence her, I had stood up, and was standing in front of her.

"Mikey, are you in love with your brother?"