Ways to Love Your Brother

"Mikey," she pressed, after I didn't answer. "Answer the question."

My mind way spinning, the room was spinning. I felt like I was going to pass out. My breathing quickened to the point where it felt I wasn't getting enough air. Eventually, I sat back down.

"Mikey," Dr. Telsey sat up in her chair and placed her hand on my knee. "Mikey, please. It's okay."

"I...." I couldn't say anything. Not because I was speechless, or I couldn't think of anything. Even though it was a little like that, but it was mostly because of my lack of air.

"Mikey.... Please, just breath."

Her eyes were concerned, and worried, which I guessed is the same thing, but were separated in her eyes.

Closing my eyes, I gripped the arms of the chair, and forced myself to take in a deep breath. It felt great.

Opening my eyes, I looked up at Dr. Telsey.

"Mikey? Are you alright?"

"I do," I answered.

"I'm sorry?"

"I love him," I said, my eyes stung with tears.

"Love who, Mikey?"

"Gerard," I whispered. Then instantly, I broke down, "I love him so much, but I love Frank too."

Handing me a tissue, she sat back in the chair, and wrote something on he notebook.

"How long did this... infatuation last?"

"It lasted for.... Three quarters of this school year," I answered, my voice thick with tears.

"Did this feeling ever happen before?"

"Yes," my body shuddered a bit as another wave of tears hit me.

"Mikey it's okay to feel this way."

"To feel confused you mean," I looked at her with my red, swollen eyes. "I'm not confused."

"Then what are you?"

"Ashamed."

"Why?"

"Are you seriously asking that?"

"You're right, that was a dumb question," Dr. Telsey gave a sigh, "So.... I've come to think.... That you are in love with your brother, and... he love you back."

I nodded.

"Do your parents know?"

"No."

"Don't want them to know.... Understandable," she gave me a nod, "Why?"

"We know for a fact they wouldn't approve of it," I answered. "Please don't tell my mother."

"I won't. What we say in here, what we break through, it stays in here."

I nodded, relieved.

"Was this relationship.... Intimate?"

Sniffing, I sat up, "Define intimate."

"Did you have a relationship?"

"We were.... Dating."

"What did you do while you were dating?"

"Um...."

"Did you kiss?"

"Yes."

"If this doesn't bother you.... Did you have a sexual relationship with Gerard?"

I eyed her suspiciously. I've shared with her some of our relationship, and now she's prying in like she's apart of it too.

But then again, she did promise me she wouldn't tell anyone. That what ever we said in here stayed in here....

"Yes."

Nodding, she wrote on her notebook, "You are aware that this is against the law."

"Only if it's parent and direct child." I corrected. "Besides, it's not like we're going to have kids or anything, and we look nothing alike, so if anyone asks, they won't suspect us."

"Us? What about Frank?"

"What I meant was at the time."

"Does Frank know you're still in love with Gerard?"

"I don't know. I haven't told him if that's what you mean."

"Why?"

"Well besides the obvious," I stated, waving my hand in the air as if I were waving the subject away, "Frank's a little over protective, as you know, "she nods, "I think that if I tell him, he'll have a cow, and accuse me of something."

"Lets talk about the issue with Frank," She looked up from her notebook suddenly, "You seem to mention that he's overly obsessive."

"He's not overly obsessive," I defended, "He's not even obsessive! Just a little clingy is all."

"Does that bother you?"

"A little, but not really."

"Does this 'little' bother you so much that you might not feel attracted to Frank as much as you were before?"

I had to mentally figure out what she was asking first in my head before I answered.

She was asking if Frank's 'Clingy-ness' annoyed me to the point were it brought down the affection that I had for him.

Um.....

"Yeah, actually, but not by a whole lot," I answered.

"Does this.... 'Extra love' go, then, over to Gerard?"

"Well, I've always loved Gerard."

"More than Frank?"

"No.... Well, besides the fact that he's family, but.... I don't know." I surrendered to the palms of my hands.

"That's okay, Mikey," Dr. Telsey said, "We've made great progress today."

"What," I asked, looking up.

"We're finished."

"Oh."

Getting up, I shook Dr. Telsey's hand, and excited the building where my mother was waiting for me in her car.

"How did it go," mom asked, as I buckled up and she pulled out of the parking lot.

"It was great," I answered, looking at my folded hands on my lap.

"Really?"

"Yeah. She said we made a lot of progress today."

"Well, that's great hunny."

I didn't reply to that. I just sat back, pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose, and stared out of the car window.

My mind felt like it was in the middle of a hurricane. Questions crashed off the inside of my skull, breaking into a thousand little versions of the question, filling my head.

Was I really still in love with Gee? I thought, 'Was I really loosing faith in my relationship with Frank?'

All of the question continued to bug me as we pulled into the driveway of our house.

Getting out of the car, and entering our house, I could hear Gerard's favorite CD playing in our room.

Going up stairs, I opened the door to find Gerard standing by his bed, taking his shirt off.

"Oh, hello, Mikey," he said, turning around to face me.

"Hey," I replied.

My hands started to sweat profusely, as I watched Gerard turn his attention to the sketchbook on the floor.

I managed to close the door, and with out him knowing, locked it. Moving over to the stereo, I turned the music up, and tore off my shirt.

Turning to Gerard, I couldn't help but smile at his puzzled look. Walking over to his bed, I grabbed the book and the pencil, I threw them on my bed, and turned back to my brother.

"What are you-" placing my hand on his mouth, I pushed him onto his back ,and kissed him feverishly.

Running my hands up his sides, he started to kiss back, engaging me in a tongue-battling-frenzy.

Pulling away for air, I managed to whisper, "I love you Gee. I love you so much."