Ways to Love Your Brother

It feels like forever since I've felt this way. Being touched like this, being kissed like this, having sex like this; it was all so wonderful, so magnificent.

We had moved into the only too familiar space of our attic, taking turns stifling our moans into our kisses, or into the others band or hand.

Sleeping with Gerard was so different than with sleeping with Frank. Gerard knew what to do to make me do whatever he wanted. Every move he did had a meaning, while Frank was still trying to make me moan on command.

Giving one final yell, Gerard and I released, and collapsed into our sweaty selves, kissing each other softly.

"I love you, Gerard," I said softly, burying my head under his chin.

"I love you too, Mikey," he replied. I could hear the happiness, the completion in his voice. Something that hadn't been there in a long time.

Being held by Gerard again brought back so many memories of before, when it was just me and Gerard, no Frank, No suicide, no cutting, no Dr. Telsey. Just us, loving each other no matter what.

It also reminded me of the very first time we kissed.

Gerard had written me a letter, telling me to meet him in this attic after school, so he could tell me the name if his lover.

I remember crawling into the small space, and having Gerard pin me to the floor and pressing his lips to mine.

The feeling then was so powerful and overwhelming, that I never forgot it, and don't plan on it. I've been waiting forever to feel that again, and I found it.

When the wooden floor became too uncomfortable to bare, we pulled on our boxers and shirts, and crawled out of the little hole and then walked out of our closet.

Looking at our clock, I read 5:30 p.m., almost time for dinner.

"Are you really hungry," Gerard asked, flopping down on his bed.

Crawling down next to him, I placed a kiss on his chest, his neck, his chin, then his lips. He moved over so I had a little more room.

"Not now," I replied. Smiling, I placed another kiss on his lips, "You're always my sugar."

"I know," he replied, "I'm simply irresistible."

Resting my head on his chest, I held onto him tightly, not willing to let go of him yet, for having gone two to three months without touching him.

My head rose and fell with every breath he took. My hands never stayed in the same spot for more than ten seconds. Still trying to convince myself that I was with him again.

"Did you recently break up with Frank or something," Gerard asked.

"What," I looked up at him.

"Why did we just do that," Gerard revised, he moved so I was on the bed, and he was leaning over me, "What happened?"

"Dr. Telsey and I had an interesting conversation today, and it made me realize that I was wrong."

"What do you mean 'interesting conversation,'" Gerard's face shadowed, "What did you talk about?"

"We talked about Frank.... And us."

"What," exclaimed Gerard grimacing after he yelled it, "You told her about us?"

"She tricked me into doing it," I deafened, "I didn't mean to."

"What all did you tell her?"

"I can't say."

"What do you mean you can't say?"

"We made a deal that we wouldn't tell anyone anything that was said in the room."

"Fuck that Mikey," he said, "I'm your brother.... You're lover. You're supposed to tell me things, I'm supposed to tell you things. Please it's okay."

"Gerard I-"

"Mikey," Gerard gave me his serious look. It was the look he would give me when he wouldn't have sex with me because he was mad at me.

"All we talked about was our relationship, and... How some of my love for Frank, is going to you. That's all, I swear."

"You told her about our relationship!"

"I told you she tricked me."

Gerard 'puft' at me, then roughly pushed me off his bed.

"I can't believe you," he yelled, "How the hell can we trust her?"

"Because she promised," I said, "And she didn't yell. she acted like it was a normal thing. And she promised."

"I can't trust you," he yelled getting up, "I can't trust her! How do you know that she isn't on the phone with mom right now? You have the music fucking loud enough."

"Stop yelling," I whimpered.

"I'll yell all I fuckin' want," he shouted again, causing me to flinch.

Getting up, I stretched out my hand to caress his cheek, but he smacked my hand away.

"Gerard, please," I whispered, taking a step forward, "I'm sorry."

Once again, I moved towards him to wrap my arms around his waist, but this time, he pushed me back, roughly, into my bed.

Anger swelled in me, as I stood from my bed, and my eyes went red as I smacked my brother across his face.

He struck back quickly the stinging sensation surged through my cheek like there was no tomorrow.

Fixing myself, I stood up.

"Gerard! Mikey," mom called "Time for dinner."

"I'm not hungry," we both yelled. Our eyes slit into glares shooting fire at each other.

"I'll set some food aside for you," she yelled, and then she left the stairs.

Walking over to the stereo, I turned the Iron Madden music up louder than before, letting the guitar solo wash over us.

"Turn the music down," Gerard said.

Spinning around to face him, I answered, "No."

Coming at me, I took a step forward, and grabbed him, his eyes widened as my hand wrapped around his member.

Leaning forward, I placed my lips to his neck, and bit rather hard.

Yelping, he pulled away from me, eyes piercing as he threw me onto his bed, rubbing our middles together, sending me on a moaning frenzy.