Ways to Love Your Brother
Words can bring me down
I got out of the hospital three days after my dream, and was forced to stay home. Frank, Ray, and Matt found out about my fall, and came over frequently to see me.
I still haven't told Frank that I wanted to break up with him, and I haven't told Gerard that Frank and I are still together. it was very hard because I wasn't quite ready to break up with Frank, but I didn't want Gerard to think that I didn't love him.
You can see why my healing process wasn't an easy one.
During school, it was horrible. Gerard wasn't here to keep me company, and mom and dad had to work, so I was the only one here.
I had figured out how to work the brakes on my chair, and I soon had a painless method of getting out of my bed, into my chair, and down the hall to the bathroom, and back.
I had my homework to do, which wasn't really that hard, or fun, but I didn't have to worry about it once I was done. I had to find something else to do.
I spent most of my time reading out old comic books, like X-Men, Batman, Hellboy, and what not, but I also found an empty notebook that neither of us wanted, and decided to keep a journal.
At first, when I started to write, I wasn't sure what to put down, or if I was brave enough to even start writing.
'I could always hide it.' I thought, 'Just in case mom or dad decides to go on a 'Raid the children's bedroom' spree and happen to find it....'
Looking around the room, I tried to think of a place where I could keep my notebook, and not have anyone find it. The attic? My dresser? Under my mattress?
Giving up, I settled with putting it under my pillow.
Resting my head, I closed my eyes. Gerard said I had trouble sleeping. It was probably because of my dreams, but I was determined to not be sleepy or irritated from an uncomfortable sleep when Gerard got home.
It didn't work.... It never did.
*_*A month later*_*
Waling down the hallway of our school, I came up to my locker. Opening it, I out my books away, and found two letters on my top shelf.
Taking both of them along with my books, I headed off to my next class, Biology. Looking at the notes, I knew who they were from with out even opening them.
I've been officially cheating on Frank for a month now, and he didn't know it. Gerard knew about it, and didn't approve. He didn't want Frank to fee like he had.
I entered my classroom, and took a seat at my table, and took out my homework, and text book, then proceeded to read my notes.
Gerard's note was first, ironically enough. He pressed the subject that I should break up with Frank, then told me that he wanted to go shopping after school and for me to go with him.
Frank's note was the other one, obviously. It was a simple note, telling me that he loved me dearly, and that nothing could change it. He also told me that he was heading out of town today with his mother. I would be free to be with Gerard for the rest of the day.
"What do you have there, Mickey," came a voice I really didn't want to hear.
"Nothing, Derrick," I said, quickly folding Gerard's letter, purposely leaving Frank's letter out. I would rather be caught with that one, than with the one from my brother.
Derrick's friend Jason, the school's second star quarterback, and second most popular kid in the entire school, reached forward, and grabbed Frank's note.
"Dear Mikey," Jason read in a dramatic voice, loud enough for everyone to hear, "You are the only one I need in my life."
"Cut it out, Jason," I mumbled.
"You are my air, my sun, my moon, and my sky," he paused, and allowed the people listening to giggle, "How can I ever say how much I love you?"
"Give it back, Jason."
"I'm heading out of town today with my mom, and won't be back until like ten. I'll miss you the entire time."
"You and your girlfriend have a good relationship, Mikey," Derrick asked, smiling.
I didn't answer.
"And remember," Jason continued, "I love you. X.O.X.O. Frank!"
Everyone in the room gave a shocked gasp.
"I knew it," Derrick cried, "Way's a queer!"
He and Jason started to laugh, along with everyone else giggling and whispering to their neighbors.
The bell rung, and our teacher can in, calling class to order. It didn't help much through. Derrick and Jason still found ways to tease me during class.
The subject was frogs, and how they reproduced. The male frog would climb onto the back of the female, and rub his extra leathery "thumb" down her stomach when she was ready to release her eggs.
Derrick leaned forward, for he was sitting right behind me and said, "I bet you're an expert at that, aren't you, Mikey?"
I ignored him, writing down the notes that I thought were important.
"How many times have you and Frank done it?"
"Shut it," I whispered.
"How many times. Mikey?"
"It's none of your business."
"I just don't want my little buddy to get sick, that's all."
Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention back to my notes, ignoring all of the kissy noises, and the 'pst's that they shot at me.
'I have lunch after this.' I thought, 'I have to last until then.'
Setting my pencil down, I turned my attention to the t.v. screen, where Mr. Karry put in a 'toad dissection preparation' video, we were supposed to watch.
Derrick and Jason continued to harass me, ans with every joke, I snapped my rubber band. When the jokes got harsher, my snaps got harder too. Luckily, they didn't know what the bands were for, so they couldn't comment on them.
As soon as the bell rang at the end of class, I jumped up an practically ran out of the room, and down the near by staircase.
Going down a hallway, I made it safely to the councilor's room.
"Mikey," she asked, looking out from around her door, "Mikey, come in. Is there something wrong?"
"I need to talk to doctor Telsey," I said, my voice quavering, as I was on the verge of tears.
"Well, you can talk to me."
"I need to talk to doctor Telsey."
She nodded, and picked up the phone and dialed a number.
"Hello," she said into the receiver. I came further into the office, and sat down in a chair near her desk, I snapped my rubber bands the entire time.
"Here he is."
Handing me the phone, I took it from her, and she left the room, closing the door. I had a feeling she was still there listening anyway.
"Hello," I asked into the phone.
"Mikey?"
"Yeah."
"What's wrong?"
"I was in biology class, reading notes I had in my locker."
"Who were the notes from?"
"Gee and Frank."
"Alright, continue."
"I put Gerard's letter in my book bag, and two of this school's biggest bullies found Frank's."
"What happened then?"
"They read it out loud for everyone to hear, then they teased be the whole class period," I stopped for a moment then added, "I'm still snapping my rubber band."
"Do you have lunch with these boys?"
"Yeah."
"How about I call your mother, and have her pick you up. You can try to have a good time until you calm down."
"No. It'll just provoke them even more," I snapped my rubber band and noticed then how red my wrist was.
"Shit," I hissed.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, my skin just looks like it's about to erupt."
"What?"
"The snapping is reddening my wrist."
"It's that bad huh?"
"Yup."
I heard her give a heavy sigh, and then there was a long silence. I continued to snap the entire time, then after a while I felt it become slippery and wet.
Looking at my fingers I saw the dark crimson liquid covering my fingertips. Looking down at my now bloody wrist, I gave a slight smile.
It felt good to bleed again, I'll let you know. Now knowing how fragile my wrist now was, there was nothing stopping me from snapping away every word that was whispered to me during biology.
"You stopped snapping," doctor Telsey pointed out on the other side of the phone.
"I just switched it to the other wrist," I lied. I gave my bloody wrist another snap to reassure her.
"Will you be alright," her voice sounded concerned.
"I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"You're speaking awfully soft."
"My councilor is on the other side of the door. I don't want her listening."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Alright. Bye."
Hanging up, I looked down at my wrist again. The cut was bigger than it was before and it stung as the air around it moved in and out of the open gash-looking cut.
"Mikey," came a timid voice from the other side of the door, "Are you finished?"
"Yes."
The councilor came in, and to look innocent, I "stared off into space" while snapping my rubber band.
"Oh my," running up to me, she grabbed my good wrist, "Mikey, you're bleeding," helping me up, she lead me out of her office, and down to the nurse's room, which involves going through the main office.
"Can I help you," asked Mrs. Rodgers, the nurse.
"We need to bandage his wrist."
"Oh my, yes!"
The rest of lunch was spent mending my wrist. I told them that I didn't feel or notice anything. After that a phone call was made, and the next thing I knew, I was packing my book bag, and my mother was taking me home.
I still haven't told Frank that I wanted to break up with him, and I haven't told Gerard that Frank and I are still together. it was very hard because I wasn't quite ready to break up with Frank, but I didn't want Gerard to think that I didn't love him.
You can see why my healing process wasn't an easy one.
During school, it was horrible. Gerard wasn't here to keep me company, and mom and dad had to work, so I was the only one here.
I had figured out how to work the brakes on my chair, and I soon had a painless method of getting out of my bed, into my chair, and down the hall to the bathroom, and back.
I had my homework to do, which wasn't really that hard, or fun, but I didn't have to worry about it once I was done. I had to find something else to do.
I spent most of my time reading out old comic books, like X-Men, Batman, Hellboy, and what not, but I also found an empty notebook that neither of us wanted, and decided to keep a journal.
At first, when I started to write, I wasn't sure what to put down, or if I was brave enough to even start writing.
'I could always hide it.' I thought, 'Just in case mom or dad decides to go on a 'Raid the children's bedroom' spree and happen to find it....'
Looking around the room, I tried to think of a place where I could keep my notebook, and not have anyone find it. The attic? My dresser? Under my mattress?
Giving up, I settled with putting it under my pillow.
Resting my head, I closed my eyes. Gerard said I had trouble sleeping. It was probably because of my dreams, but I was determined to not be sleepy or irritated from an uncomfortable sleep when Gerard got home.
It didn't work.... It never did.
*_*A month later*_*
Waling down the hallway of our school, I came up to my locker. Opening it, I out my books away, and found two letters on my top shelf.
Taking both of them along with my books, I headed off to my next class, Biology. Looking at the notes, I knew who they were from with out even opening them.
I've been officially cheating on Frank for a month now, and he didn't know it. Gerard knew about it, and didn't approve. He didn't want Frank to fee like he had.
I entered my classroom, and took a seat at my table, and took out my homework, and text book, then proceeded to read my notes.
Gerard's note was first, ironically enough. He pressed the subject that I should break up with Frank, then told me that he wanted to go shopping after school and for me to go with him.
Frank's note was the other one, obviously. It was a simple note, telling me that he loved me dearly, and that nothing could change it. He also told me that he was heading out of town today with his mother. I would be free to be with Gerard for the rest of the day.
"What do you have there, Mickey," came a voice I really didn't want to hear.
"Nothing, Derrick," I said, quickly folding Gerard's letter, purposely leaving Frank's letter out. I would rather be caught with that one, than with the one from my brother.
Derrick's friend Jason, the school's second star quarterback, and second most popular kid in the entire school, reached forward, and grabbed Frank's note.
"Dear Mikey," Jason read in a dramatic voice, loud enough for everyone to hear, "You are the only one I need in my life."
"Cut it out, Jason," I mumbled.
"You are my air, my sun, my moon, and my sky," he paused, and allowed the people listening to giggle, "How can I ever say how much I love you?"
"Give it back, Jason."
"I'm heading out of town today with my mom, and won't be back until like ten. I'll miss you the entire time."
"You and your girlfriend have a good relationship, Mikey," Derrick asked, smiling.
I didn't answer.
"And remember," Jason continued, "I love you. X.O.X.O. Frank!"
Everyone in the room gave a shocked gasp.
"I knew it," Derrick cried, "Way's a queer!"
He and Jason started to laugh, along with everyone else giggling and whispering to their neighbors.
The bell rung, and our teacher can in, calling class to order. It didn't help much through. Derrick and Jason still found ways to tease me during class.
The subject was frogs, and how they reproduced. The male frog would climb onto the back of the female, and rub his extra leathery "thumb" down her stomach when she was ready to release her eggs.
Derrick leaned forward, for he was sitting right behind me and said, "I bet you're an expert at that, aren't you, Mikey?"
I ignored him, writing down the notes that I thought were important.
"How many times have you and Frank done it?"
"Shut it," I whispered.
"How many times. Mikey?"
"It's none of your business."
"I just don't want my little buddy to get sick, that's all."
Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention back to my notes, ignoring all of the kissy noises, and the 'pst's that they shot at me.
'I have lunch after this.' I thought, 'I have to last until then.'
Setting my pencil down, I turned my attention to the t.v. screen, where Mr. Karry put in a 'toad dissection preparation' video, we were supposed to watch.
Derrick and Jason continued to harass me, ans with every joke, I snapped my rubber band. When the jokes got harsher, my snaps got harder too. Luckily, they didn't know what the bands were for, so they couldn't comment on them.
As soon as the bell rang at the end of class, I jumped up an practically ran out of the room, and down the near by staircase.
Going down a hallway, I made it safely to the councilor's room.
"Mikey," she asked, looking out from around her door, "Mikey, come in. Is there something wrong?"
"I need to talk to doctor Telsey," I said, my voice quavering, as I was on the verge of tears.
"Well, you can talk to me."
"I need to talk to doctor Telsey."
She nodded, and picked up the phone and dialed a number.
"Hello," she said into the receiver. I came further into the office, and sat down in a chair near her desk, I snapped my rubber bands the entire time.
"Here he is."
Handing me the phone, I took it from her, and she left the room, closing the door. I had a feeling she was still there listening anyway.
"Hello," I asked into the phone.
"Mikey?"
"Yeah."
"What's wrong?"
"I was in biology class, reading notes I had in my locker."
"Who were the notes from?"
"Gee and Frank."
"Alright, continue."
"I put Gerard's letter in my book bag, and two of this school's biggest bullies found Frank's."
"What happened then?"
"They read it out loud for everyone to hear, then they teased be the whole class period," I stopped for a moment then added, "I'm still snapping my rubber band."
"Do you have lunch with these boys?"
"Yeah."
"How about I call your mother, and have her pick you up. You can try to have a good time until you calm down."
"No. It'll just provoke them even more," I snapped my rubber band and noticed then how red my wrist was.
"Shit," I hissed.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, my skin just looks like it's about to erupt."
"What?"
"The snapping is reddening my wrist."
"It's that bad huh?"
"Yup."
I heard her give a heavy sigh, and then there was a long silence. I continued to snap the entire time, then after a while I felt it become slippery and wet.
Looking at my fingers I saw the dark crimson liquid covering my fingertips. Looking down at my now bloody wrist, I gave a slight smile.
It felt good to bleed again, I'll let you know. Now knowing how fragile my wrist now was, there was nothing stopping me from snapping away every word that was whispered to me during biology.
"You stopped snapping," doctor Telsey pointed out on the other side of the phone.
"I just switched it to the other wrist," I lied. I gave my bloody wrist another snap to reassure her.
"Will you be alright," her voice sounded concerned.
"I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"You're speaking awfully soft."
"My councilor is on the other side of the door. I don't want her listening."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Alright. Bye."
Hanging up, I looked down at my wrist again. The cut was bigger than it was before and it stung as the air around it moved in and out of the open gash-looking cut.
"Mikey," came a timid voice from the other side of the door, "Are you finished?"
"Yes."
The councilor came in, and to look innocent, I "stared off into space" while snapping my rubber band.
"Oh my," running up to me, she grabbed my good wrist, "Mikey, you're bleeding," helping me up, she lead me out of her office, and down to the nurse's room, which involves going through the main office.
"Can I help you," asked Mrs. Rodgers, the nurse.
"We need to bandage his wrist."
"Oh my, yes!"
The rest of lunch was spent mending my wrist. I told them that I didn't feel or notice anything. After that a phone call was made, and the next thing I knew, I was packing my book bag, and my mother was taking me home.