Ways to Love Your Brother

Because we have no instruments, we don't really practice, we just drink, pig out, and argue about which name is going to be the name of our band.

"How about Crimson Blood."

"Do you know how many people use names like that?"

"Well, if your so smart, I don't hear any names from you."

"I don't hear any from you either."

And, this is how it usually is, everyone shooting down each others ideas. It's a true wonder why we still gather in each others basement or garages every week, but ya know.... If getting together really 'floats our boats', then what the hell! We're gonna get together.

Today however, for me, was a living NIGHTMARE! We moved the couches so that the two were facing each other. Ray and Matt sat on one couch, and Frank, Gerard, and I were on the other. I was in the middle, Gerard on my right, and Frank on my left.

Of course, anyone in my position... well... no one would ever be in my position... but, yeah, if someone out there is going through the exact thing that I am, would be totally fine. I mean, their brother, their lover, is on their right, and their best friend, who's slowly becoming your worst enemy, was on the other side. I mean, all he or she would have to do was ignore the friend.... But that's not me. I can't ignore Frank.

Frank is not one of those people who you can completely ignore. I mean, he has ways of being noticed. Like placing his hand on yours, rubbing his hand against your thigh, or when he reaches across you to get a drink, he'll put his hand on your leg a little too close to your inner thigh, and while he's reaching, wiggles his fingers. Yup.... He can get anyone's attention if he really wanted it.

I've tried to ignore Frank several times before in our lives, but that was usually when I was mad or upset, and even then, I failed miserably. This time, I was only trying to protect my relationship with Gerard, for that's what I want the most. Well.... I was a little upset with him. But in the long run... I guess I did to him what he did to me.

Would it be considered cheating if you 'slept' with someone, but didn't really know it until it was too late? Or if you 'slept' with someone completely against your will? If so, then I've wronged Gerard.... My own brother....

"Well," said Gerard, placing a hand on my knee, "Mom, wants us home for dinner tonight, so I guess Mikey and I should go."

"Okay," said Frank, "I'll see you two later." I nodded, and Gerard and I said good bye to everyone.

Entering Gerard's car, we buckled up, and Gerard started the car, butt didn't move. I stared out the window, waiting for him to pull out of Frank's driveway. Turning to look at him, I saw him staring hard out the windshield at Frank's garage door.

"Gerard," I asked, my voice more a whisper than anything.

"What really happened Mikey," he asked, "What did you and Frank really do?"

"Talked," I answered, looking at the front of Frank's house.

"Mikey-"

"Gerard, I would never lie to you," I reassured him. It killed me to lie to him, but I couldn't imagine what would happen.

"Okay," Gerard sighed, and pulled out of Frank's driveway heading home.

The drive home was frighteningly scary. Very quiet.... Too quiet. Gerard stared out the windshield, resting his head on his fingertips. It really hurt me ya know? Not being able to tell him the truth, not trusting him. It really drives you insane.

Pulling into our driveway, Gerard entered our garage, got out, and slammed the door shut. Not waiting for me, he entered the house ,and slammed that door too.

Unbuckling my seat belt, I sat in the car for a while collecting myself, holding back tears. One slipped, and rolled down my cheek. Wiping it away, furious at myself, I opened the car door, and made my way to the garage door.

"Mom," I called, heading for the kitchen, "Where are you?"

"In the kitchen," she answered.

"Do you need help," I asked, opening the cupboard door, and taking out a stack of plates.

"Sure," she smiled, and started stirring something vigorously in a pot. Taking the plates into the dinning room, I set the table, and went back for forks and knives.

Gerard stood in my way, holding what I needed for the table. Reaching forward, I meant to take them, but Gerard held them protectively.

"I wanna help too," he said, staring at me, trying to tell me that there was another meaning to his statement, but I couldn't figure it out.

"Fine," I answered, stepping aside and letting him pass. He brushed against me, sending thrills and chills up and down my spine. A sudden longing to kiss him entered me, but I fought it. I had to, or chaos would rule the house.

Gerard looked over his shoulder, a look of sorrow formed rock hard on his face. A lump formed in my chest. I had to tell him.... Tonight.