Ways to Love Your Brother

In the morning, I woke up to see Frank and Jamia - who shared the room with me- passed out on their bed, and a wickedly awful headache that throbbed like the fucking devil.

A knock came on the door, and the Ieros began to stir. With a sigh, I got out of the bed, and answered the door to find an overly cheery Brian on the other side.

"Good morning, Mikey," he said.

"You know. I almost forgot how much of a morning person you are," I said.

"Nice to see you too."

"Did you want something?"

"Why, yes. I'm fine, thank you. I was just making my rounds, waking everyone up. Guess what day it is."

"Oh shit," I exclaimed, "What time is it?"

"Calm down, you have two hours."

"Thanks."

Brian proceeded to go next door to wake up Ray and Bob, and I closed the door to relay the time to Frank and Jamia.

The three of us got ready, packed everything, Jamia was going back home to Missy, and Frank and I were going to be packing our luggage onto our tour bus, and then going to a release/meet and greet ceremony on Times Square at the Virgin Mega Store.

We met up with Ray, Bob, and Brian in the lobby, and we packed our luggage into the trunks of two limos we were using. Ray, Bob, Brian, and I climbed into one of them while we waited Frank to say goodbye to his wife.

Climbing into the back seat, he sat down next to me, and I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, reassuringly.

The limo took off down the street, heading to our destination, and we were all silent the entire ride, not counting the phone call I received from Alicia saying that she had just arrived at my parents house, and that they'll be watching.

Nobody talked as we got out of the limo to enter the building we were to play live in, and be interviewed in. when we piled into the elevator, we lightly talked about the songs we would be performing. We all knew the notes, just not the words.

Reaching the floor, we exited the elevator and entered a small waiting room where Gerard was supposed to be, but wasn't.

"Where's Gee," Ray asked, as he entered the room.

"Maybe he went to get coffee," Brian said, looking at his phone rather than us, "You know how you all are about coffee."

We all nodded, and took seats around the table in the middle of the room. And we were in these same seats a half and hour later, with a still absent Gerard.

"Hey, you've reached Gerard, if you're a fan, leave a message, but I won't answer, I'm sorry, but if your family or friends, I'll try my best. Have fun after that little beep."

"Shit," I said, snapping my cell phone shut and slamming my fist onto the table.

"Voice mail again," Brian asked.

"Yeah," I replied, "He always answers his phone when it's on."

"What do you want to do," Brian asked.

"I'm thinking he might be asleep," I replied, "I'll got and check out his apartment. If he's not there, then we'll have to do this without him."

Everyone nodded, and I got up. Making my way back to the elevator and down to the streets where several of our fans were now standing.

Thankfully, no one noticed me as I hailed a cab and told him where to go. My leg twitched as a feeling swooped over me. It was a feeling I haven't felt in years. The last time I felt this way, I was a freshman in high school.

The cab driver was paid, and I raced up to floors to my brother's apartment. Knocking on the door, I caught my breath as I waited for Gerard to answer.

After a while, when no one answered the door, I reached for the spare key Gee had given me, and i opened the door.

"Gerard," I called.

No answer.

"Gee?"

Nothing.

Going around from room to room, I made sure that there was no spot un-looked. Finally, I reached his room, and gave a sorrow hearted sigh as I didn't find him in his bed.

A flickering light, however, caught my attention. Walking the now, long, distance from the bedroom door to the bathroom, I opened the door, and collapsed to my knees as my eyes filled with tears.

In the bathtub was my beautiful, raven haired, pail skinned brother laying with his arm over the side, his eyes dilated, staring blankly at the ceiling, and his exposed wrist covered in dry blood that had once dripped into a wet pool but now doesn't drip at all.

A small piece of paper was sitting on the edge, and I knew what it was without reading it out loud, but I took it anyways, holding it to my chest as I sobbed shamelessly in my brother's forsaken presence.