I Want to Be the Prettiest Wreck You've Ever Seen

The next morning I woke up and found a glass of water and two Advil. I got up and took a shower, brushed my teeth and lounged around, transferring all my music to the new laptop-I had a lot of music. I did some laundry, and I dusted and vacuumed. I was asleep by seven.

I awoke the next morning to one of my worst migraines yet. When I was seven I started getting terrible migraines, so bad that I was begging my parents to kill me. It had to be better than going through that pain. I got put on a permanent prescription for when-ever I got these migraines.

I took my medication and got in the shower. I straightened my hair and drove to work in silence, the noise would only make it worse. I had my Ray Ban sunglasses on because the light hurt my eyes like they were being burned. I had my prescription in a small purse as I walked slowly into the school, heading for the cafeteria to get a bottle of water before I went to the library. Sitting at one of the tables were Ashley, Jackson, Cara and Kellan. I only waved to them, I couldn’t talk. I got my bottle of water and started to leave. Kellan grabbed my arm just as I reached the door. The touch made my skin feel like it was on fire, another side effect of the migraines.

“Hey.” He said as I slowly turned to face him. I only smiled slightly. “You still hung over?” He laughed. I winced at the loud sound but shook my head.

“Migraine.” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. He mouthed an ‘Oh’ and stepped back a little. “I’ll be in the library.” I said before walking to the very quiet, very dark room. I shut off the lights, closed the blinds and laid on the couch, closing my eyes. Sometimes I could sleep it off, but apparently today wasn’t one of those times. After about three hours I felt someone kneel next to me. I opened my eyes a little and looked through the tinted lenses of my sunglasses to see Kevin. He signed hello to me in sign language. We had both learned it specifically for when I got these headaches and couldn’t talk. My teeth hurt when I touched them together, my hands shook, it was hard to breath and I had a tendency to scream bloody murder because the pain in my head was so bad. I signed my hello back to him. We kept signing instead of talking, it was easier for me.

“Kellan told me you had a migraine.” He signed. I nodded.

“I took my medication but it isn’t working yet.” I signed back. He frowned.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.”

“You’re not screaming.” He observed.

“With difficulty. It’s mostly just my teeth hurt and my hands are shaking.” I signed. He nodded.

“We’re taking a break for now, can you handle visitors?”

“Yeah-just as long as they’re not loud.” I signed. He nodded, kissed my forehead lightly and stood up to let the others come in and see me. Rob, Taylor and Ashley came in. I sat up to make room for them. Rob sat next to me, gently taking my hand as Taylor and Ash sat on the floor.

“You ok?” Rob asked quietly. I shrugged.

“My head hurts, but it’ll stop eventually.” I said, my words were sounding funny because my teeth hurt.

“Can’t we do anything?” Ashley asked. I shook my head.

“I’ve already taken my medication. As long as there aren’t any loud noises or bright lights-I should be ok.” I explained. Taylor sighed.

“I hate not being able to help.” He mumbled. We were quiet for a while until Rob’s stomach growled loudly.

“Go get something to eat, guys. I’m just going to try to sleep it off.” I said. Rob kissed the back of my hand as he stood up. The others followed and I waved to them as they left the room slowly. Ash looked back at me from the doorway.

“Feel better.” She said softly. I smiled my thanks and she left. I laid back down and started dozing again. About half an hour later a loud wailing noise jerked me awake and I winced at the sudden pounding in my head and the ringing in my ears. I covered my ears and looked up in time to see Cara walk by, a big smirk on her face and I knew immediately that she pulled the fire alarm. The pain was becoming unbearable so I quickly got up and rushed out of the closest door and over to where the others stood. Kevin was standing there with Rob, Jackson and Cam. I walked over, still covering my ears and right into Kevin’s open arms. He pressed my head to his chest, covering my other ear with his hand.

“What happened?” I felt him ask.

“Cara pulled it.” I said firmly. Jackson furrowed his eyebrows, looking upset.

“Why would you say that?” He asked loudly. I blinked at him, confused. “I mean-I know you two don’t get along, but you can’t just say stuff like that.” He said angrily.

“Jackson-“ I started to explain, stepping away from Kevin, and wanting to scream at the sudden loudness of the fire alarm. He raised his hand to stop me.

“Just forget it.” He said. “I don’t want to hear what you’ve got to say.” He said gruffly before walking away. I bit my lip as the tears welled up in my eyes. I heard the fire trucks coming and Kevin sighed. My head felt like there were fireworks going off in it and it was just getting louder and louder.

“I have to go deal with them.” He signed to me. I nodded, feeling close to collapsing. He looked at Rob who led me away from the building and the loud fire trucks with their sirens going. He held my face to his chest the same way Kevin had, covering my ears.

“She did it.” I mumbled.

“I know, love.” He said.

“I saw her just after it went off, looking so fucking proud.” I said bitterly.

“I believe you.” He said quietly.

“Why?” I asked. The cold air was starting to help with my migraine.

“Because you’ve never lied to us before.” He said softly. “I don’t see why you’d start now.” I just hugged him tighter. The sirens and fire alarms stopped wailing and I looked at Rob.

“You can go back in now.” I smiled.

“What about you?” He asked, tilting his head.

“The cold air is helping. I think I’ll hang outside for a while.” I mumbled. He lightly kissed my forehead and shrugged out of his jacket, holding it open for me. I slid my arms in and waved as he jogged for the building. I stood outside for about an hour and my migraine was almost gone when an air horn went off right next to my ear. I let out a scream, partly in surprise and partly because my migraine was back now three times as bad and I now had a stabbing pain behind my eyes. I turned to see Cara grinning happily.

“Surprise!” She said like she was a best friend I hadn’t seen in years. I tried to pull in some air as I glared at her. It suddenly felt like my lungs were the size of lima beans, my chest was going to cave in and my head was being split with an ax.

I walked past her, my breath coming in short painful gasps.

“You don’t like your surprise?” She asked sullenly. I walked faster to reach the building and escape from her. I got inside the doors and she was still trying to talk to me.

“Monica!” She called loudly. I turned to her, finally fed up. She ruined everything and I was sick of her shit. She knew what she was doing-calling me Monica, the fire alarm and air horn and I was going to fucking tell her just what I thought. Jackson was already pissed at me-why not do it right?

“My fucking name is Maggie. Maggie. Not Monica. If you can’t fucking remember that then you’re dumber than you fucking look-and that’s pretty difficult. Because you look pretty fucking dumb. So either call me Maggie or don’t fucking talk to me. I’d be perfectly fucking happy with the second one, for your FYI.” I yelled. I had to take a few short gasps of air to make up for the yelling. Stupid whore bitch. She was quiet for a second before looking at me.

“Your sister was never like this-she had more patience. You know, you should be more like her.” She said calmly. I froze.

“How do you know my sister?” I stuttered, trying to remember how to breathe. That knocked me over.

“We went to college together. But not anymore, you know, since she’s dead.” She said, smirking. I blinked.

“Were you friends with her?” I asked, trying to think. I was trying to remember all of the friends Monica had mentioned. I vaguely remembered a Cara, but Monica hadn’t talked about her much.

“Kind of. I was only friends with her because she got decent grades and had a hot boyfriend.” Cara said, watching me. The way she said it made something click.

“You’re the one Michael cheated on her with.” I said faintly.

“I always get what I want. Besides, I did her a favor-he was a tool.” She laughed. “Although, he was great in bed. Too bad your sister will never know how great sex is.” She said, a hint of taunting in her voice. I focused on my breathing and not the hatred I felt for her as I did quick math in my head.

“He cheated on her a year ago…” I said, frowning. My brain wasn’t working right. “You’ve been with Jackson for two years.” I pointed out. I couldn’t make sense of what I was saying, although I knew what the numbers meant. “Why would you cheat on him?” I asked loudly, ignoring the searing pain in my head. The idea of hurting him was inconceivable to me. He was so sweet and perfect. She scoffed.

“For the same reason Mike cheated on your stupid sister and why your friend, Justin, dumped your dumb ass.” She chuckled. How had she known about Justin? My head was swimming as I struggled to focus, my mind fading to black at the edges. I was starting to see red as everything this girl had done flooded into my mind.

“Because he wouldn’t sleep with you?” I stuttered.

“I don’t get you people and your morals.” She sighed like we were some great burden on her sluty shoulders.

“What’s wrong with having morals?” I asked defensively. She ignored me.

“Did you know your sister complained about you all the time?” She asked, looking at me. I frowned, where was this going? “She was always talking about how you were the perfect one, mommy and daddy’s favorite.” She said mockingly. “Too bad she never knew the truth.” She said, circling me, watching my reaction to what she was saying. I just waited, listening. “That she was the favorite. She’s the one who acted like a girl. Too bad she was the one who died. Instead of you. You should be six feet under right now, rotting away-“

The next thing I knew two strong arms were lifting me off Cara. I was trying to swing my fists and my legs were still kicking. I managed to clip Cara in the leg as my captor carried me out of the hallway. Cara had a bloody, broken nose, two really black eyes, a fat lip and a scratch on her cheek. I guess I did that. I was pretty sure they would find hand prints around her neck and she would have a concussion from me hitting her head into the tiled floor-that’s what happened the last time I blacked out like that.

Kellan was carrying me, trying to calm me down, but I was crying and gasping for air, hyperventilating and having a panic attack at the same time along with the migraine. The pain in my head was unbelievable. He set me down in front of a girl’s bathroom and looked at me. Even in my state I could tell he was trying to hide a massive grin and look concerned at the same time.

“Are you ok?” He asked. I shook my head, trying not to scream. This was going to be difficult, getting myself and my pain under control. Rob joined us a few seconds later and hugged me tightly.

“Jackson’s looking for you.” He said quietly. That’s when it really hit me. I just beat up his girlfriend. He was going to hate me forever and even if he did listen to me long enough to tell him what she did, I doubted if I could, or if he’d believe me anyways. I backed away from Rob and Kellan, horrified and into the bathroom, shaking my head.

“No.” I gasped. “I can’t.” I said. I was struggling for air and not screaming and the result of it were tiny squeaks every five seconds as I sucked in air to crush the screams. I shut and locked the door before they could argue and I shut off the light to at least try and help get rid of this.

It was quiet for a few minutes except for my squeaking and then I heard Kevin’s voice.

“Is she in there?” He asked. Someone must have nodded because he knocked on the door lightly. “Mags-you have to breathe.” He said. “I know it’s hard, honey, but you have to try.”

“Is she ok?” I heard Taylor ask.

“Do me a favor, get her purse. It should be in the library.” I heard Kevin say. Then it was quiet for a minute. The silence was deafening.

“Maggie, Taylor’s getting your medicine.” He said softly. I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “Can you just make a noise so I know you haven’t passed out?” He requested. I knocked on my side of the door, three times like we used to when I was little. He knocked back twice and I let out another squeak. I pulled a paper towel out of the dispenser to wipe my eyes. The pain was going to kill me.

“She used to do this when she was little.” Kevin said sadly. “She gets super bad migraines. Like a migraine to us would be just an average headache to her.” He explained to whoever was out there. “She used to just lay on her floor screaming bloody murder.” He chuckled morosely. “The first time was when she was seven. I was over at their house for no special reason, I just felt a strong need to be there that day. She looked sickly pale when I got there, walking around holding her head like if she moved her hands, it’d fall apart.” There was a slight pause.

“Mags, I’ve got your pills.” He said. I slowly unlocked the door and opened it a little, holding my hand out. He placed the large bottle in my hand and I curled my fingers around it like it was a life raft.

“Water?” I questioned softly.

“I’ll get it.” I heard Ashley say. I shut the door and slid down against the cool wall. It was quiet again. The tears were just streaming down my face now as the pain intensified.

“Within minutes of me getting there she was grabbing her head, screaming.” Kevin continued. I remembered that day, but only vaguely. I remembered him being there and my head feeling like it was going to explode if I let it go, much like it did now.

“It was blood curdling. I can still hear it, I get shivers just thinking about it.” He said and I could almost picture him shivering as he said it. “Her tiny fists were pounding on the floor. She cried and screamed for us to make it stop.” He said, his voice strangled and I know he was feeling just as helpless now as he had then.

“We didn’t know what to do. Everything we tried only made it worse. For three days this went on. Her parents thought it would just go away like a regular headache. But it didn’t. By the third day she was begging us to kill her.” He said. I almost smiled at the dramatic ness of it all. “She said it had to be better than that pain.” I got another paper towel.

“Can you imagine a little tiny seven year old in that much pain to be begging for death?” He mused absentmindedly. “Anyways, we took her to a specialist, but he couldn’t find anything wrong. So he put her on this medication.” He said as Ashley opened the door, carrying three water bottles. “It helps, but not nearly quickly enough.” He muttered.

“Does something trigger it?” I heard Rob ask.

“Hard to say. Lately it’s been her wisdom teeth setting it off. Could be not enough sleep, stress, anger…Because it’s Tuesday. There’s no real rhyme or reason to it. This is the first one since she’s been here, though.” He said. I popped two of the pills in my mouth and took a sip of water. Ashley wrapped her arms around me comfortingly.

“Thanks.” I whispered, still squeaking. She waited until I had my breathing under control to speak. The talking outside the door had subsided and I assumed everyone had left.

“Tell me what it’s like.” She said softly.

“You don’t wanna know.” I mumbled.

“I do.” She prompted.

“It feels like someone’s bashing my head into a cement wall over and over and over. My lungs feel like they shrunk into lima beans and I can’t get enough air-I’m suffocating. My chest feels like there’s a million bricks on it and it’s going to cave in and I feel like screaming until I lose my voice.” I said. She hugged me tighter as I tried to wipe my eyes more but the tears just kept on coming.

“How long does it take to go away?” She asked quietly.

“Sometimes just a few hours. Sometimes it can take days.” I mumbled. She smoothed my hair, the feeling was relaxing.

“Oh, honey.” She murmured.

“It was almost gone.” I whispered. “But Cara blew an air horn in my ear.” I faltered, choking on tears.

“Shhh.” She whispered. I struggled to stop crying. I was shaking and wiping my eyes. She let me calm down.

“You’re still shaking.” She noted.

“That’ll stop soon.” I mumbled. I drank some more water and my breathing was starting to stabilize. I felt her start to say something but she stopped.

“What?” I asked, sitting up away from her.

“Jackson wants to see you.” She whispered. I froze but forced myself to keep my breathing even. “It’s very important.” She said, trying to make it sound not so bad. I shook my head.

“I can’t hear him tell me he hates me.” I said, making my voice even with some difficulty. She looked at me.

“What makes you think he would say that?” She asked, surprised.

“He got mad at me for just saying she pulled the fire alarm. What do you think he’d say if I told him she cheated on him? That’s if he even stops to listen to me. He could always just say I had no right to attack her and he never wants to see me again.” I said, wincing at the jack hammer going off in my head.

“You don’t know that.” She said, her eyes wide.

“You don’t know that he won’t.” I countered. She frowned.

“That’s true, but I have more faith than that in him.” She said.

“Can’t I want until I’m feeling better?” I asked. She nodded sadly. “I promise, I will-I just don’t want to see him right now.” I mumbled.

“Why?”

“I just beat the shit out of his girlfriend.” I said, sighing. “That he was going out with for two years. Most people get engaged then.” I said.

“If anything-he was drifting away from her.” She said. “I think you’ll find he’d be most willing to hear anything you’ve got to say, even if it’s about grass growing or paint drying.” Ashley said. I couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Even so-“ I started, not denying anything. “He has to be mad that I did that. I mean-he freaked out on me for the fire drill. It’s the next logical step.” I reasoned.

“Since when is love logical?” She muttered. I looked at her but didn’t say anything. We were quiet for a few minutes when Nikki came in quietly.

“How you feeling?” She asked me.

“Better…ish.” I said. My head was still pounding but I was breathing right and I didn’t feel the need to scream anymore.

“Good.” I held out my hands for her to help me up. She pulled me to my feet and I dusted off my butt as Ash stood up and handed me my purse.

“I think I should go home now before I cause any more drama.” I said, looking at the floor.

“By home you mean-?” Nikki prompted.

“Oh-just Kevin’s house. I like you guys too much to leave for New York.” I said, chuckling. They both blew out sighs of relief. “Can you just tell Kevin that I went home to sleep and tell Jackson I’m sorry for…everything?” I requested as we stepped into the empty hallway.

“Honey, you don’t have anything to apologize for.” Ash said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I didn’t have anything to say to that so I just stayed quiet as we walked towards the doors. I realized I still had Rob’s coat on and I started to shrug out of it but a hand stopped me, pulling back on my shoulders gently.

“Keep it.” Rob’s voice said, but without his accent. I turned to look at him. “I’ll get it later.” He said. I gave them all a quick hug before going out to my car, thankful I hadn’t run into Jackson. I dreaded the thought of him telling me to stay out of his life. I didn’t want to hear those words. I could only imagine the heart break it would cause me. Plus I had no idea how I was going to tell Jackson that she had cheated on him. I could barely think the words. Poor Jackson. He deserved to know, but would he listen? I pulled into the garage and stumbled into the house, going up to my room and passing out.