The Greatest Love Of All.

I never was a party animal, probably because I’ve never been to one before that night.
My idea of partying was doing a sleepover at Madison’s on the weekend, and we usually watched a movie eating pop corns but drinking just coke. I never got drunk and it never interested me either.
I didn’t understand what the whole point in it was, but still, everybody wanted me to have fun and drink.
On the way to Kennedy’s house they kept on telling me I should have stopped being the nice girl I was because nice people never get anything in return, and there was no problem if I drank beer instead of coke for just one night. I was tired of listening to them so I started to nod hoping they would have stopped.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“No, actually I’m not”

I heard Kennedy’s laugh from the driver’s seat, so I smiled at him. We got to his house and he told us to get comfy in his room while he was sleeping on the couch. Elliott kept talking even when we were under the blankets, so I managed to pretend to fall asleep to make her shut up. Too bad Madison wasn’t there, even thought she would have helped Elliott instead of me, knowing her. She always told me the same but she knew me too well, and got that I hated to listen to the same shit every time I did something people judges as wrong, even if for me it was right. I was happy being the way I was. I tried to be different but it never brought me anywhere so why change? For what? And especially, for who?

“What are you going to wear for tonight’s party?”

Elliott was so excited for the party at John’s house that she started asking stuff about it since the very moment we woke up.

“Who cares Elliott, it’s not like it’s a wedding, it’s just a party”

“It’s not –just- a party, it’s a party with hot guys and at John’s house. There will be a lot of band guys and I want to be nice and good looking”

“You are good looking, you don’t need to dress up. Besides Nick is going to be there too, so you can’t be nice with every single band guy you are going to meet”

“He’s not my boyfriend”

“But you two are going out so it’s like you’re dating him”

“That’s not an exclusive relationship”

“Just because you don’t have the balls to talk about it with him”

“Yes, because you do have the balls to face John right?”

I looked at her with a confused look. She was really testing me then. She was trying to see what my reaction would have been. I got up from the bed and waited for her answer.

“What does this have to do with John?”

“You always tell me to be honest with Nick and tell him what do I want from him, but actually you’re not being totally honest with John…and TO BE HONEST, neither with yourself”

“I’m sick of this”

I puffed, got up and took some clothes from my bag, then went straight to the bathroom to get changed and go out. I didn’t know much of Tempe but I didn’t care. The place wasn’t big anyway.
Kennedy was still sleeping on the couch but I guess I woke him up by slamming the door while going out.
In fact, when I got to the opposite sidewalk of the street, I saw him coming out with just his boxers on.

“Annie what are you doing? Come back in!”

“I won’t, unless you all stop talking about me and John!”

“Who fucking cares about John now, get in!”

“Tell Elliott about it! She cares too much about it, maybe it’s cause she’s jealous and wants to get in his pants tonight!”

“We all think you like John, that doesn’t mean we are jealous and we want to get in his pants! At least I don’t want that for sure!”

At that, we both stopped talking and I burst in a giant laugh. I couldn’t be mad at Kennedy. Besides, he was so cute even when sleepy. I got back but didn’t talk to Elliott for a couple of hours, at least until we had to get dressed for the party. We didn’t bring much with us, just a couple of t-shirts and jeans. We dressed almost the same, and when we looked at each other we both smiled. I liked Elliott’s blonde hair and her smile, although she always made me so angry. At first glance I didn’t like her, but then she became a real friend. Thinking about that, I compared our relationship with the one I was sort of having with John. I wouldn’t call it even a proper relationship, and neither a friendship, but I knew we had something going on between us. I wasn’t sure of what that was, but the word relationship doesn’t always refer to a love one, or a friend one. I had a relationship even with Madison’s boyfriend then, because we talked and knew each other. I could have had a relationship even with a dog, then. All those thoughts were making me crazy.

“Are you mad?”

She asked then, while we were about to go out.

“I’m just tired of this whole talking you know”

“I’m sorry. I just want you to be happy and realize what could make you that way”

“John would just make me sad, and mad…definitely not happy”

“You’re coming to wrong conclusion”

“You don’t know him”

“Neither do you”

Thankfully, Kennedy came out of the bathroom so we stopped talking. We would have started arguing again otherwise. We were pretty much silent in his car, and I was really not looking forward to get into the O’Callaghan’s house. Was John use to throw parties when his parents and brothers were away?
The trip wasn’t long, it took like five minutes. There were a lot of people already and cars were parked outside the big house. It was a nice house, definitely bigger as Kennedy’s one as John said the night before.
We got in, where people were dancing, talking and drinking, looking around to find the owner of the house.
I saw a lot of girls with mini skirts and guys who were trying to talk to them, miserably failing. I hated those kind of girls. I was used to talk with everyone, because my parents taught me to be nice, no matter what.
In less than a minute I both lost Kennedy and Elliott, so I stood up in the hall looking around trying to find them in the crowd, but I couldn’t see anything really. Then I heard his voice.

“You finally came!”

I felt shivers down to my whole body: I turned around to see John with beer in one hand and a glass in the other, definitely far from sober. He was really good looking with the usual chequered shirt and skinny jeans.

“I told you I was”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t have showed up because you don’t like parties and you don’t like me”

“I don’t know if I like parties, as this is the first one I’m in”

“I hope you enjoy yourself then! Make yourself at home”

“Thanks John, I’ll keep it in mind”

“Great. Do you want a drink?” I shook my head “of course. Listen, if you want a coke, I have them in the fridge. Go and take them, ok?” I nodded “I want you to have fun”

“I’ll try to”

He smiled weakly and told me he was going to say hi to a couple of friends who arrived. I went straight to the kitchen to find the coke he was telling me about, so I opened the fridge and grabbed a can.
I looked everywhere and everyone was having fun, but me. I was alone and the most I did was waving at Pat and Garrett or talk to Kennedy. John wanted me to have fun, but I wasn’t. Everyone was, but I wasn’t.
I told Kennedy I was going to the toilet but then I made my way upstairs instead. I just wanted some time alone, far from the awful music and drunk guys who were hitting on bitches.
I found a room that was unlocked so I got in: it didn’t take me long to figure out it was John’s bedroom.
The walls were covered of photos and posters. He had a king size bed and chequered blankets. It wasn’t that big but I find it comfortable. I looked at the pictures on the wall and he was in each one, always smiling. I found then a picture with him and his family, where he was still a child. He had blond hair and his eyes were green and hypnotizing even back then. He was a beautiful kid and he became a gorgeous guy.
If John had Kennedy’s personality, my problem would have had been solved.

I stepped back to the bed and sat on it, drinking my coke, in peace. There was loud noise from downstairs but the room was quiet, and all I could hear was my regular breath and my confused thoughts.

“Why are you in my bedroom?”

I didn’t hear him walking into the room: I got so scared that I almost choked.

“I didn’t hear you”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” he closed the door “why are you here, and alone?”

“Would have been better if I was here with someone?”

“Unless it’s not me, then yes. No one’s allowed in here but me”

“So I guess I should go?”

“No, you can stay. You have the permit”

“I’m honored”

He smiled and I avoided his eyes. He came over me and sat on the bed, really close to my body. I tried to look over the room to not blush and fall for those eyes. It was hard for everyone, even for me.

“Why are you here then? Weren’t you having fun?”

“Not really…I told you I’m not a party animal”

“It’s ok” he sighed “you found the coke”

“Yes, thank you…” I looked at him for a second “are you drunk?”

“Barely sober” we laughed a bit but then I got back being serious “it’s ok if we laugh, it means we are trying to work things out”

“I know. But you still make me nervous when you’re around and I don’t know why”

“I know why”

“Oh, you do. Tell me then”

He got really close to me and I felt my legs growing weak at every second that was passing.

“Maybe it’s for the same reason why you make me nervous when you’re around”

“And what’s the reason why you’re nervous when I’m around?”

“Well, I guess because…you know…” my heart was beating so fast it could have exploded.

It wouldn’t have taken long to feel his lips on mine, but for some odd reason I turned and nothing happened. My head won again, over my heart. John looked away and got up from the bed, really embarrassed. He scratched his head and told me he was going to meet me downstairs.

“Take your time”

He went out and I wanted to disappear. Something could have happened, but I couldn’t stop thinking. I never let myself go; I never listened to my heart. People never change.
He told me to take my time, and I didn’t get if he meant before going downstairs or in general.
I should have listened to him. I should have taken my time to understand what I wanted.
To understand who I wanted.