Expectations
001/001
"Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts and we've got to find other ways to make it alone, keep a straight face, and I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now, I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk..."
I pulled the black pea coat tighter around my body as the damp breeze brushed against my skin, goosebumps prickling towards the surface. The air smelled of salt water and stale cigarettes, yet it seemed all too familiar in my mind as I caught a glimpse of an old trolley out of the corner of my eye, and the chants of dozens of children riding the carousel rang throughout my ears.
Pier 39 of San Francisco, California. Within the past year, this had become what I had now known as my second home.
I closed my eyes briefly, the mist of raindrops freely hitting my cheeks, lost in a memory.
"Well, you are the only exception. You are the only exception..."
Since the age of nine, Jeremy had dreamed of moving to California. Compared to the small town where we had both grown up and known so well, California seemed like a kingdom. It was something new, a place we had yet to discover.
I was fifteen, a cheerleader, a straight-B student, a frequent church-goer. He was a year, four months, and nine days older than me, our high school's pitcher during each baseball season, and an artist. He was accepted into San Francisco's Academy Of Art University the fall of his Senior year.
The night of a winning game, we came across each other. Our friends said we were adorable. The teachers looked at us as the future Prom King and Queen. I just called it fate.
Jeremy graduated in June of that year, and left for California a month and a half later.
"I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here. I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up; leave me with some kind of proof that it's not a dream..."
He tapped my shoulder and my eyelids fluttered open. The familiar emerald orbs that stared into my own seemed different on this particular day. An unfamiliar emotion washed across his gaze, his lips tightened into a frown as he pushed the chocolate bangs away from his eyesight.
"Why are you sitting in the rain?" He asked, raising his voice to be heard over the crashes of lightening and thunder in the distance.
My hair was drenched, I realized, as I tossed it over my shoulder, and I noticed the dark clouds and fog that seemingly hid the outlines of the Golden Gate Bridge in the far distance as Jeremy grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the bench under a close awning.
Shoving my hands into the pockets of my coat, I exhaled the breath of air I had been holding, and glanced towards my distraught partner. He stared blankly into the cold scenery.
"Something's different," He stated after moments of silence. "I don't... I don't love you anymore, Allison."
And for the first time since he had arrived, we made eye contact.
"After five years together... That's it?" I asked softly, my emotions running wild within me. "Is there someone else?"
He shook his head, twiddling his thumbs. "No, it's nothing like that." He breathed. "I don't know how to explain it... I just know. I can't be with you anymore. I'm not one-hundred percent in love with you anymore. I don't feel the same way. I still love you, I do. I always will. You're my best friend, you know everything about me..."
I nodded as he let himself trail off. He rubbed his forehead, irritated, and buried his face into the palms of his hands.
The bay's waves crashed against the pier, rain drops turning into bits of hail. I couldn't help but gently bite my lower lip.
"But darling, you are the only exception..."
I reached over and patted his shoulder before standing up, my legs almost feeling like Jell-O.
"Where are you going?" He asked quietly.
"I don't know yet." I stared into the storm, my eyes beginning to burn. "But... I understand, Jey. Don't worry."
I smiled. A genuine grin, dimples softly indenting into my cheeks as I swiftly tossed my hair into a messy bun, and turned towards him yet again. "I'll be okay."
"You are the only exception... And I'm on my way to believing. Oh, and I'm on my way to believing..."
I pulled the black pea coat tighter around my body as the damp breeze brushed against my skin, goosebumps prickling towards the surface. The air smelled of salt water and stale cigarettes, yet it seemed all too familiar in my mind as I caught a glimpse of an old trolley out of the corner of my eye, and the chants of dozens of children riding the carousel rang throughout my ears.
Pier 39 of San Francisco, California. Within the past year, this had become what I had now known as my second home.
I closed my eyes briefly, the mist of raindrops freely hitting my cheeks, lost in a memory.
"Well, you are the only exception. You are the only exception..."
Since the age of nine, Jeremy had dreamed of moving to California. Compared to the small town where we had both grown up and known so well, California seemed like a kingdom. It was something new, a place we had yet to discover.
I was fifteen, a cheerleader, a straight-B student, a frequent church-goer. He was a year, four months, and nine days older than me, our high school's pitcher during each baseball season, and an artist. He was accepted into San Francisco's Academy Of Art University the fall of his Senior year.
The night of a winning game, we came across each other. Our friends said we were adorable. The teachers looked at us as the future Prom King and Queen. I just called it fate.
Jeremy graduated in June of that year, and left for California a month and a half later.
"I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here. I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up; leave me with some kind of proof that it's not a dream..."
He tapped my shoulder and my eyelids fluttered open. The familiar emerald orbs that stared into my own seemed different on this particular day. An unfamiliar emotion washed across his gaze, his lips tightened into a frown as he pushed the chocolate bangs away from his eyesight.
"Why are you sitting in the rain?" He asked, raising his voice to be heard over the crashes of lightening and thunder in the distance.
My hair was drenched, I realized, as I tossed it over my shoulder, and I noticed the dark clouds and fog that seemingly hid the outlines of the Golden Gate Bridge in the far distance as Jeremy grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the bench under a close awning.
Shoving my hands into the pockets of my coat, I exhaled the breath of air I had been holding, and glanced towards my distraught partner. He stared blankly into the cold scenery.
"Something's different," He stated after moments of silence. "I don't... I don't love you anymore, Allison."
And for the first time since he had arrived, we made eye contact.
"After five years together... That's it?" I asked softly, my emotions running wild within me. "Is there someone else?"
He shook his head, twiddling his thumbs. "No, it's nothing like that." He breathed. "I don't know how to explain it... I just know. I can't be with you anymore. I'm not one-hundred percent in love with you anymore. I don't feel the same way. I still love you, I do. I always will. You're my best friend, you know everything about me..."
I nodded as he let himself trail off. He rubbed his forehead, irritated, and buried his face into the palms of his hands.
The bay's waves crashed against the pier, rain drops turning into bits of hail. I couldn't help but gently bite my lower lip.
"But darling, you are the only exception..."
I reached over and patted his shoulder before standing up, my legs almost feeling like Jell-O.
"Where are you going?" He asked quietly.
"I don't know yet." I stared into the storm, my eyes beginning to burn. "But... I understand, Jey. Don't worry."
I smiled. A genuine grin, dimples softly indenting into my cheeks as I swiftly tossed my hair into a messy bun, and turned towards him yet again. "I'll be okay."
"You are the only exception... And I'm on my way to believing. Oh, and I'm on my way to believing..."