Just Smile, That's All I Ask.

Wide awake I stared up at the ceiling of Chandra’s bedroom. The lucky guy was still fast asleep looking so peaceful. His eyes fluttered lightly as he dreamt, his lips slightly apart breathing calmly, his hair a mess everywhere around his face, but still somehow neat at the same time and he was curled up into my side, which actually didn’t bother me like I thought it would. He looked all around calm and I wish I could’ve been like that right now.

As per usual, I wasn’t peaceful – I was stress, tired and thinking too much. Being like this really does sucks.

Letting out a long breath I move a little so I was more on my side somewhat facing Chandra but more looking over his shoulder than his face. As I moved his arm tightens around me a little, I felt my heart give a little extra thump and the slightest amount of butterflies in my stomach flutter around.
I knew why that happened and I don’t see the point in denying why anymore. But still I didn’t want to think about it because I had enough to think about now at it is.
Why does everything have to be so complicated and stressful? Why can’t I just relax even for half an hour?

“What are you doing awake this early?”
I looked down at Chandra to see the peaceful expression gone to worry as he looked up at me with sleepy eyes. I let out a long sigh.
“I woke up then couldn’t get back to sleep.” I whispered.
He nodded and pressed his face into my shoulder yawning. I let the small smile that wanted to spread across my lips show. Though at the moment I wasn’t exactly calm and relaxed, but being with Chandra was the calmest I could get. I let out another sigh.

“How are you feeling?” He asked with his voice muffled by my shoulder.
“I dunno, stressed?” Honestly I had no exact way of telling what I felt because my emotions at the moment was all over the place. Just like this whole situation, it was all over the place and I was tired of it. Stress and tried at the moment was a fucking understatement.

Chandra’s hand moved up my back and he pulled me closer to him so I was pretty much flush against his body.
“Come here.” He murmured.
Then the next thing I know we weren’t lying side by side anymore, I was lying on him. He smiled up at me as he started rubbing his hand up and down my spine.
“Try and relax for a bit yeah?”
I just hummed in response and rested my head on his chest. I would think that being like this with him would be awkward, because he was my friend after all...but it wasn’t; it was nice...and I...liked it. Admitting that even to myself I felt my face heat up, but I tried to ignore it.
Stupid Chandra, it’s your entire fault and I’ll just blame you because I can.

“I bet Issac would run in here soon to ‘wake’ me up.” He mused. “Probably fall on his face if he saw us like this.” He laughed.
I laughed with him seeing that in my head.
I smiled as he moved his hand up and down my back still.
But really if Issac saw us like this, then we wouldn’t hear the end about it, till we said ‘yes we’re going out’ - but were not.As much as I like too. And I don’t want a relationship now because I don’t think I have the space or energy for one right now...even if I do like Chandra. I don’t want things more complicated than what they are now.

“Should I move?” I asked quietly.
“Nah.” He mumbled.
I swallowed the limp in my throat. Should I move or stay here? Lying like this was almost calming with Chandra working his fingers up and down my back. But like I said Issac will be curious, nag and ask questions. Maybe I can say he was trying to get me to relax, which he actually was.
Or I could do what I normally do when people say stuff about me and Chandra like that; glare and tell them to fuck off. That normally stops the nagging, at least for a while.

Ugh! Why am I even thinking of this? I have enough shit at home with two housemates from hell, then to think and worry about if people think me and Chandra are dating.

I think way too fucking much.

A sudden knock of the bedroom door snapped me out of my thoughts and made the both of us jump startled. Well it’s not Issac he would have just busted into the room.
Rolling my eye I turned my head over so I could see the door opening and Rhianna popping her head in around the door frame.
“Morning.” She said softly walking into the room.
“Morning Rhi.” Chandra murmured.
“Meow.” I mumbled.
Rhianna chuckled at my weird but normal greeting. “Meow.” She smiled.

She placed herself on the edge of the bed by Chandra’s head and poked my shoulder.
“I saw your bags in the living room.” She stated. “I noticed you two were asleep when I went looking for you so I called Danny, he told me what happened.”
“Sorry, you don’t mind if I stay-“
“Nope! Stay all you want you know that.” She smiled. “At least you’re not sleeping on the couch.” She shrugged still smiling at us.

Maybe she was really telling the truth in the music shop the other day that she didn’t mind us being together. She hasn’t said anything yet.
And you know what, I don’t even feel awkward being like this; lying on Chandra with Rhianna sitting next to us. It felt...normal almost and I guess fine.
“How the hell did you both fit on the couch together that time?” She asked sounding curious.

Chandra started laughing.
“I have no flipping idea.” He chuckled.
I bit my lip so I wouldn’t laugh. I have no idea either. Just thinking about it made my face flush...I’ll just blame Rhianna for it, yeah it’s her fault.

“Well just so yous know it’s almost midday and as usual Issac and begging to do something-“
“Let’s go to the park!” Issac yelled running into the room.
But once he saw me and Chandra he stopped and titled his head to the side blinking. The guy looking like a puppy when doing that, if you don’t count the smirk spreading across his face. Oh here we go.
“Issac.” Rhianna said narrowing her eyes at him before he could say anything.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t start.”

Issac lets out a whine and looks down at his feet. Everyone started laughing at him, even he smiled.
“So why do we have to go to the park?” Chandra asked.
“Because I thought it would be a good idea for lunch! Plus we can relax for the day and get out the house, it’s nice outside.” He smiled.
“Sounds good then.”

Issac grinned and he left with Rhianna to make our lunch, or breakfast for me and Chandra in this case.
Sighing not wanting to move but have to, I got off his chest and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“You know I think the park idea is good.” He mused making me look at him as he sat up. “You can relax for the day.”
“I’ll try.” I sighed looking away.
“Danny will have everything covered at the house, he’s not doing anything till tomorrow if he does anything. So we’ll forget about it for a few hours yeah?”

Bitting my lip I nodded. He had a point and I needed to stop stressing about it otherwise it will make me sick or something. But trying to relax will be hard.
“Just have fun.” He smiled like he was reading my mind.
Chandra leaned forward and kissed my cheek softly getting out of bed. I bit my lip and walked out the room. I think I need to talk to Rhianna sometime soon – I need help.

*~*~*

Watching Chandra and Issac run around the park like little kids I sighed and closed my eyes for a second. We have been here for an hour or more and I just couldn’t relax. If it wasn’t about home it was about how I feel about Chandra.
Stupid thing to worry about I know, but I am. Lately I guess I haven’t been doing well with feelings, but really, can you blame me?
I feel like ramming my head into something. Maybe I can knock myself out for a few days? Yeah that night help.
Not really, that would make it worse.

Rolling my eyes I looked over at Rhianna who was lying looking up at the sky with the shade of the tree half covering her. Letting out a long breath I moved over sitting close to her with my legs crossed over.

“Meow.” I mumbled.
She smiled looking up at the sky. “Meow.”
I smiled softly and looked down at the grass and picked at it as I went through my head what I was going to talk to Rhianna about. I just want to talk to her; I need to talk to someone even if all she does is listen, that’s all I want. I am so tried, worry and confused I think if I don’t say anything I’ll start to feel dizzy. I wish I could just turn that part of my brain off so I wouldn’t worry about those things.
How about I make a time machine and change time back to when I was like fifteen or earlier when I didn’t have to even think about these things happening in the first place.

“Are you ok?”
I looked away from the grass and to my blue eyed cousin. I bit my lip and looked back at the grass between my fingers.
“I dunno.” I said honestly.
“Is it the stuff back home?” She asked making me nod.
“Yeah I’m worried about how Danny will be if he does what he plans to do tomorrow and other things.”
Just as I said ‘other things’ I looked up at the boys on the swings and focused my eyes on Chandra who was laying back while swinging looking up at the sky.
“Well for the Danny thing, I think we should ring him or figure out something tonight. Maybe go over there or something, if not us then the guys.” She said making me look back at her to see she was already looking at me.

“I’m going to take a while guess here, by other things you mean Chandra right?”
Bitting my lip hard I nodded and Rhi nodded in understanding. She took a glance at him then back at me.
“Well what are you so worried about there?” She asked sitting up crossed legged like me.
“Well I like him...” I started mumbling. “But...”
“But you don’t want anything to do with a relationship with all the stuff going on.”

I looked at Rhianna wide eyed and mouth gaped open. She just laughed before showing me a sweet smile. How...how the fuck did she know that?!
“You’re a fucking mind reader!” I exclaimed.
Rhianna bent over laughing and shook her head before coughing a couple of times. I just blinked at her but I couldn’t help the smile that crept onto my face.
“No, actually it was just a wild guess.” She chuckled smiling.
I smiled nodding and looked back down at the grass. You know the grass is very interesting...

“And, yes, you’re right. But it’s that and...You know the usual shit, that if he likes me back and stuff.”
“Well I for one things he likes you that way, if he didn’t we wouldn’t have fallen asleep with you squished up on the couch that time and he wouldn’t be holding you like he was this morning.” She stated. “Plus if he’s not talking about what we did or something dumb Issac did, he’s always talking about you.”
I blinked thinking that over. “Really?” I asked quietly.
“Really.”

Still not looking up from the grass I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and nibbled on it. Well now that I think of it he did show signs that he liked me like that...Like Issac did with Rhianna.
“What...what do you think about the other part?” I asked quietly.
“About you having a relationship?” She asked confused.
I nodded and picked some grass out of the ground pulling it into little bits.
“Well I think it wouldn’t make things more complicated because you two are friends and have been for a while now, so it wouldn’t really change too much. But at the same time don’t jump into it, kinda just hang back and wait. Maybe wait till he says something first. Chandra has more brains than Issac I bet he will ask or tell you if he does feel that way sooner than later.”

I nod my head taking in her words and smiled. It actually made more sense and I sighed out relieved. Because really that all did help. I don’t even know why I was stressing over it so much and I shouldn’t. The only real thing to worry about is the stuff at home and hopefully that will be fixed sometime soon.
I’ll figure out something for that tonight like Rhianna said.

Looking up from the grass I smiled at Rhianna and moved over to hug her. She giggled and wrapped her arms around me tightly.
“Thanks cuz.” I mumbled into her shoulder.
“You’re welcome.”
“So if you need me to hit Issac over the head so he will ask you out, just say so.” I laughed pulling away holding the back of my head in case she tried to hit me.
Rhianna laughed shaking her head and hit my arm gently.
She did, like usual have a good point. Maybe I should listen to her more often.
I rolled my eyes and looked back over to the guys to see Issac running up the slide and Chandra sitting on the swings still.

Looking over at us, he smiled at me and waved.