Cadaverous
September
Back to school shopping. Back to seeing friends. Back to doing homework. Back to being busy. But will this finally help me going back to being me? It's doubtful. Highly doubtful. Ana is the knife that has cut through me so many times. I'm scarred. It says so on my thighs.
I no longer have the strength to move on. No longer have the strength to give in. Some days I find myself eating food and not caring. Other days I find myself mercilessly working out and looking up diet tips.
Being able to fit into a size zero has renewed my addiction to being skinny. I have to keep it at that, it will be easy too. I've come to be afraid of eating, afraid of food. When I come home from a day of fasting at school, I feel tears slide into my eyes. I cannot think of one substance I could enjoy eating. The joy I once had has abandoned me.
Like everything else.
The shell I live in only has room for two- my growing depression and the empty hunger. Together it's enough to make me sick. I guess I'll be skipping another meal tonight. It's alright, I wasn't hungry anyway. I never am.
Zero's can't afford hunger.
I no longer have the strength to move on. No longer have the strength to give in. Some days I find myself eating food and not caring. Other days I find myself mercilessly working out and looking up diet tips.
Being able to fit into a size zero has renewed my addiction to being skinny. I have to keep it at that, it will be easy too. I've come to be afraid of eating, afraid of food. When I come home from a day of fasting at school, I feel tears slide into my eyes. I cannot think of one substance I could enjoy eating. The joy I once had has abandoned me.
Like everything else.
The shell I live in only has room for two- my growing depression and the empty hunger. Together it's enough to make me sick. I guess I'll be skipping another meal tonight. It's alright, I wasn't hungry anyway. I never am.
Zero's can't afford hunger.
♠ ♠ ♠
present day.future hell.