Lost, Lost, Lost

We were on that 8th floor again, the windows still pleading for us to break through and jump. I ignored the windows and focused on catching up to Zach. He was a few feet away from Chris, but I needed to talk to Zach alone. Although he was Chris's roommate, I trusted him enough not to tell Chris what I was about to tell him.

"Zach!" I yelled for him, and it worked. He turned around, looked at me and shook his head. He continued walking. I stopped and frowned. Why was he doing this? Did he already know about me and Seth and our secret encounters? But how would he know that? Was Seth telling anybody?

Questions overflowed inside my brain and I couldn't take it anymore. I stomped over to Zach and demanded to talk to him. He laughed and said he was kidding. When he got around the circle he was going to talk to me.

Oh... I thought. My bad for not understanding correctly. But who would understand that type of thing, anyway? Who would know that when somebody walked away from you, they were only kidding? It sounded like a bunch of bullshit to me.

"Alright, Zach. I need to talk to you..." Chris looked over at me and smiled, walking towards me and Zach. "Alone."

"Hey, guys. What are you doing?" He slid his hand into mine and squeezed it. I forced myself to smile, knowing that if Zach told him what was going on, it would break Chris's heart. He liked me a lot. Since when did that ever happen besides April?

Ugh, April. I kept thinking of it.

"Actually Ren was just about to talk to me in private," Zach said with an accomplished look on his face.

Chris faltered in step. "Oh, um, alright." Seth kicked a ball at Chris; Chris looked back and grinned. "I'll see you guys later, then," he said and kicked the ball back at Seth. They rounded up a bunch of other patients and started a game of soccer while Zach and I discussed this issue.

"Basically it's not like you're cheating on Chris, because technically you're not going out. But in a way, you are cheating on Chris because you already professed your love to him through the art of touch, the art of giggles and smiles and silly things arts such as those." He sounded completely fake to me, but I guess that's just the way he explained things: Fake.

"So what am I going to do?" I nervously held my hands together and took deep breaths to calm myself down. "I mean, Seth lives near me and all but I won't see him anymore. Just trust me on that," I said. Since the encounter he had with my dad, and the yelling Seth's dad did to me, I knew that we definitely weren't going to see each other for a while.

"Alright. I don't know what to tell you, then. Maybe just quit seeing Seth and move on! That would help so many things and so many issues rolling through the air."

I sighed. He was right. My stomach began to hurt until I felt like I was going to throw up. "Nice talking to you," I said to him and walked off to the bathroom.

I leaned over the toilet and threw up my heart.

*****

"No, Seth, I can't do this anymore," I stammered. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I knew we'd both be upset but I had to do this. I had to get away from trouble. I'd miss the cigarettes, though. But that was already a given. I had missed those from the moment my lips were removed from the filter.

I watched him as he looked down, watery eyes spilling over. He was... crying?

"I'm going to miss you, Seth," I told him. I was being sincere at this point.

He nodded and sniffled. Then he waved me away. So that's what I did, I went away.

*****

"Ren, you'll be discharged in a few hours," Doctor B told me. "Don't forget to take your meds every day. It'll definitely help with your treatment. Have you had any of her thoughts lately?"

I thought about the other day when I was living inside of the movie, but I decided my doctor didn't need to know that. It was better if everyone believed she was gone. That way nobody would have to worry about me anymore. I could go back to isolating myself until the next person who knew I was vulnerable plotted me as their next victim.

Then I remembered my mission: To give Chris my phone number. I wasn't not going to do that!

"Nope, nothing," I said with a smile on my face.

Doctor B smiled back, looking relieved. "That's good, that's really good," she said. "Well, you're off!"

And with that I was out the door.