Lost, Lost, Lost

I ran to my room, slid across the floor, and even through the hurry I still successfully picked up a marker and piece of paper. I scribbled my number and my name on the paper and folded it many times and tucked it in the pocket of my sweatshirt. That's right, no more scrubs! (Again.) I wiped the sweat off my forehead and looked in the mirror.

Up close, I looked scraggly. I looked like a shaggy dog instead of a human being. But no matter, I was feeling okay at the moment. My heart was beating, weaving throughout the bones of my rib cage. I was nervous and excited as the butterflies came and my heart felt as if it was a balloon. I looked back in the mirror and saw my sparkling eyes. Yep, they looked like they were actually sparkling. Is that what happens when you like someone? I never noticed, I thought to myself.

Slowly walking toward the group room, I saw Chris sitting in a desk in the hallway. His head was on the surface and his arms were covering his head.

"Chris?"

He looked up. I could see his eyes were red and suddenly my heart dropped as if it knew what was coming next. "Ren," he whispered lovingly. "Come closer."

I squatted on the floor in front of him and put my chin on the desk. He leaned forward and slowly kissed my lips, a new song forming in my head.

You send a little love my way, and every second I spend waiting drags me closer to this grave; I'm not alone, no, I'm just on my own. And I, it's a little cold outside.

The lyrics to Don't Confess by Tegan and Sara popped in my head as he leaned by head back, his fingers running through my short hair. He started to bring our tongues into this mess of making out, and I backed away. His tongue tasted like saltines. Was it all the drugs?

"Chris, I--"

"Don't tell me, Ren. I just wanted you to know my feelings for you," he said and gave me a small smile. I gave him one in return.

I handed him the folded up piece of paper. "Don't read it yet," I said.

"Why not?" A grin spread on his face. "What is it that you won't let me read right now?"

"Just, don't read it yet, Chris. I want you to--"

He opened it and I saw a glint of shine in his eyes as he looked up at me. He whisked his long hair away from his eyes so he could look at me right. "Ren, you know how much this means to me. I'll call you as soon as I get out of rehab," he said.

"I told you not to read it," was all I could say.

"Well guess what?" Another grin spread across his face like butter on bread. "You wanted to see me smile like that," he said, his face leaning closer to mine. "You wanted to see how much this meant to me, and Ren, it means alot... Even if it's just a number," he said sort of pathetically.

I laughed. Chris was definitely the funny type of guy. "You're right. I wanted to see that."

He kissed me softly once more before a nurse came over and whisked me away to my family. "Bye, Chris. Bye forever, Seth," I said softly with sadness clouding my voice.

My family looked happy to see me. Rahne gave me a big hug, and I realized I never asked her what my dream meant last week. I might get around to it... someday. For now I was just glad to be going home.

My heart reached out and tied around both Chris's and Seth's hearts. I would miss them, with all the love in my heart.