Traitor.

I have to tell him everything. When I look at him from where we were having dinner, which he decided to cook for me today, aomething was stopping me. I could not tell him, it would crush him. I cannot believe I went behind his back and did this. What came over me that night, I have no idea.

I woke up with a pounding headache, not sure where I was at the time. The room I was in seemed slightly familiar. Soon, I realized I was suffering from a hangover and groaned. That explains the lack of memory from last night.

Then I decided to get a better look of my surroundings, try to get an idea of where exactly I've seen this before. Just to see if something triggers a memory. I sat up on my elbows using them to keep me balanced as much as I could. I still felt slightly dizzy and any fast movements could make it worse. Then, I felt something, or more likely, someone move next to me. I turned over and saw Steve, my soon to be brother-in-law.

Something horrible occurred to me, when I looked back a forth among both of us we were both unclothed. Then, the memory from what happened floated back into my head. I was drunk and we had sex, but he was not drunk. That just made the situation ten times worse. He was supposed to be my friend! And he was my fiances brother! How could he do that to him? Us!

“Hey babe,” He spoke to me.

I could not help but cry, he raped me. And he goes off and started acting like that was okay. Well, it wasn't okay. Not by a long shot.

“I cannot believe you...” my voice cracked and to think I trusted him.

“Shh, don't think about it,” he said and got over me. No, no, not again!

“Steve, no wait. Think about this. Please stop,” I started to sob.

“It's okay. I won't hurt you,” He whispered into my ear. “I won't tell Jake either, I promise.”

I shook my head and tried to push him back, but it did not work. He was stronger then me. He kissed me to muffle my sobbing and begging. One of his hands were used to grab my arms and pin them over my head to make it easier for him. The other hand was placed on my chest as he slowly moved it down my exposed body, making my body shiver at his touch. He used his hand to separate my legs and made them stay that way, no matter how much I protest. I was not that strong and I've gotten many comments about that through out my life, but how much I wish now I choose to work out more then I did.

I felt myself cry more when I felt him inside me. I was choosing not to like it. Not to accept what he was doing to me right now, but that did not stop the way my body was reacting. It made me feel ashamed that it felt so good, but I did not want to feel like this. At least not with him.

My body got more and more excited as this continued. It's only been a few minutes and my body wanted more – begging was more like it. I let out a moan, that I've been trying to suppress for so long, but eventually gave out.

“That's it baby, I knew you would like it. Now just get into it and let yourself go. Your body is just begging for it, don't fight it. Don't deprive yourself for what feels good." he grunts a couple times, going fast trying to make it even more enjoyable for me, making it harder to refuse.

He let go of my arms and I do not know what came over me. I went with it and was practically letting me rape me! Even thought at this point it would not be considered rape. Wrapping my arms around him, I went with it. I knew my body wanted this, badly. It's like I was giving myself away to the devil himself. I felt disgusted with myself, but I wasn't worried about that at the moment.

The thing that made everything even worse then this, was that this was not the only time that it has happened. We had more of these nights ever since.

“Honey, what did you think? I decided to try something new tonight,” Jake smiled at me, the smile grew I loved. The smile, I did not deserve.

I forced up a smiled and looked at him. “It's delicious, I'm telling you, you should be a chef, instead of a weather man.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Now, I'm not that good of a cook, but thanks for telling me anyway.” He reached over the table and kissed me. Oh, how much I did not deserve everything he does for me. It even hurt to just be near him, seeing him all happy. My heart was aching for him knowing that he knew nothing of what I've been doing to him.

We both washed the dishes, like we did every night. I washed and he dried them and then put them away.

“Now, come on lets go to bed,” he grabbed my hand, leading me to our bedroom. We weren't married yet, but we decided that it would be easier to move in before the marriage.

I could not help but let out a giggle when he tackled me onto the bed. He was always so playful. He was kissing me all over and then eventually kissed me on my lips. He tried to take off my clothes, but I stopped him and gave him a playful glare.

“Now, now. Control you hormones there,” I said and kissed his nose.

He sighed and rolled over to the side of me. “Fine, I'll try. I cannot help it though, your just so irresistible.”

I giggled and shook my head. “Lets just go to bed.”

We got ready and then laid in bed. He put his arms around me and kissed the side of my head. “I love you, Jennifer. Forever and always.”

“Forever and always,” I whispered. I felt like a horrible person. How could I do this to him? He desereved better, better then me. A worthless cheater.

He yawned and then closed his eyes and soon he fell asleep. I knew that this was going to be our last night together, but he did not have to know. He would fine out in the morning.

I got up and grabbed all the things I packed that were most important that I would need. I looked at Jake's sleeping figure and started to cry. What a mess I've made and I knew that I had no one but myself to blame. I kissed his nose, which would be the last thing I would be able to do with him. I knew I had to do this, not for me, but for him. He needed someone better then me.

I placed my note on the spot where I was laying down, with the engagement ring he gave me. The note had explained everything that happened the fist night, how stupid I was for sneaking around behind his back and not telling him what happened in a first place, and how much I loved him. I've kept this secret for too long and I cannot hide it anymore. I thought I would not be able to do this tonight, but I know I must.

I tried to re write the paper over and over again, but I gave up on trying to give him one without tears on it. At least, it'll show him how horrible I feel and hopefully forgive me one day. I did and still love him. I'm not sure if I will be able to love anyone else like I love this man right here: my Jake.

I looked at him, I knew this would be the last time he would see me, but it would not be for me. I will always be watching him as a weather man on the news and see how he is doing. Then, with one last longing look I turned my back on the love of my life and left him.

I love you, Jake. Forever and always. Always remember.