Hiding Bruises

Hidings Bruises- Chapter 5- Memories and Musings

I gave up on sleep at about 6 o’clock when the sun started to come up above the trees and send a pale light through the curtains of the dormitory window.

No on else was awake, I suspected they would all have a lie in due to the fact that we had no lessons because of preparation for the ball. I got out of bed and out on some plain jeans and a shirt, there was no point putting on robes if I wasn’t going to lesson, and went downstairs.

I wasn’t hungry yet so decided to go outside and sit down by the lake. As I went through the entrance hall I saw Professor Stronghald walking through into the dining hall, he noticed me and walked over.

“Ah, Tina, I meant to have a word with you next lesson, but since you’re here,” he said, I remained silent as what he said didn’t really need an answer, “I was thinking about that wonderful Patronus you did and so looked up your previous scores.”

He looked at me expectantly, “Oh” I said.

“And they are well above average, top in the class may I say” he looked at me again.

“Oh” I repeated.

“So I went to your head of house, Professor McGonagall and we had a little chat about you.”

This sounded ominous so I kept my mouth shut.

“We both agree that your scores are top notch but we have been overlooking you as you never speak up in class.”

“Oh”

“We’ve decided to keep an extra watch on you to ensure you fulfil your full potential. We won’t have a bright mind like yours being held back by shyness or whatever it is that prevents you from participating fully in class and we also don’t want you getting the idea that you can do well in life by just sitting and watching.”

This definitely did not sound good.

When I didn’t reply he took it as agreement and smiled, “I hope you don’t think I’m telling you off I just wanted to let you know that we, meaning myself and Professor McGonagall, shall be keeping an extra strong watch on you.”

He watched me carefully for a reply and it didn’t seem as though he was going to leave until I gave him one so eventually I mumbled, “Ok, thank you for letting me know Professor.”

He smiled smugly, as though my talking was something for him to be pleased with, “Good, I’ll she you in lesson them Tina” he said before strolling away into the great hall.

I still didn’t feel like food so continued with my original plan of going outside. As I walked I thought about what had just happened, he was so strange. The fact that he was going to be ‘keeping an extra strong watch on me’ didn’t seem like a particularly pleasant one to me at that moment in time. In fact it felt the opposite.

I didn’t like teachers, the way they always stuck their noses in when they weren’t wanted, the way they always wanted the ‘best for you’ and to help you ‘reach your full potential’. They were always saying they were trying to help but all they really wanted to do was turn your life into a bigger sham then it was before they came and ‘helped’ it along. Then you had to thank them because they always had your ‘best intentions at heart’ and thought what they were doing was ‘for the best’.

I hate it, how they always think they know what’s best for everyone else.

Why couldn’t they just let me get on with it? Why did they always have to be the ones to make a change, when everyone else was fine with things just how they were?

I realise it’s not exactly fair on them, after all, it’s not their fault that they have no idea about the complexity of the student society; how it works, who’s at the top, who’s at the bottom, who likes who, who hates who, who does not go with who and who just wants to be left alone.

Ok, I’m going to stop for a minute now because this all seems a bit pointless and I’m making myself sound seriously prejudiced towards teachers: I have my reasons though, trust me.

*****

It’s the beginning of 2nd year and I’ve just found out my best friend has died, I got a letter over the holidays from her parents telling me she died, she was on a walk with them in the countryside and ate this nasty plant. That’s what Del was like you see, had to try everything, but anyway this plant turns out to be some sort of evil plant. I didn’t ask for the details, I didn’t really want them and I still don’t want to hear them now. Anyway, she was in hospital for a while but they couldn’t treat it, mainly because they didn’t notice the effects ‘till it was too late. High temperature, fever, couldn’t sleep, normal symptoms; they only realised it wasn’t a passing cold when she started seeing things that weren’t there. I don’t know what sort of things, maybe it was haunted spirits and ghosts coming to get her, I preferred to think it was nice stuff like bunnies or unicorns. I was naïve then you see, thought the world was black and white; it’s not.

So anyway, there I am 12, sad, alone and a passing Professor kindly takes pity on me and decides to give me a helping hand to meeting new friends. She tells a ‘lovely group of pupils’ to watch out for me because ‘I’ve lost a very dear friend and am feeling quite lonely at the moment’.

That teacher was more naïve then me, thinking a bunch of Slytherins would befriend a lonely Gryffindor. That day she marked me out as an easy target.

So that’s why Bella first noticed me, because of a meddling teacher and that is the reason for my prejudice against teachers.

******

By the time I reached the lake I had calmed down enough to just sit and think.

I looked up at the morning sky and noticed that the full moon was still visible against the sun. I picked out a large rock at the edge of the lake and perched myself on the edge of it, looking down into the murky water.

The time passed quickly outside and I soon found my mind floating around, I was thinking about my patronus and decided to see if I could manage it again.

I thought of my happy memory and whispered the charm, when I opened my eyes there was a huge creature before me. I smiled at it and looked closer, trying to make out what exactly it was. It was defiantly some sort of wildcat but as I looked closer it ran around me and I couldn’t see it properly. Then it disappeared again and was gone.

I was going to try again but as I thought of my memory I found myself being drawn into it.

I had been 10 when my little sister was born, Mia they called her and she was beautiful. I remember standing there, after the birth staring at her in her little plastic box. Her perfectly formed fingers and toes amazed me, her bright eyes, the little tuft of hair on top of her head, her sweet little mouth, her expression as she slept; it all amazed me.

I’d never seen a baby before and I found everything she did fascinating, the way she gurgled and laughed after she burped. The way she squeezed your fingers so hard you thought they were going to break.

She’s a little monster now of course, all six year olds are I guess but I love her.

From what I’ve told you so far I guess you’re expecting me to come from some sort of dysfunctional family where everyone argues or something, but I don’t. The school holidays are the times I look forward to the most, when I get to go home and see them all, Mia, mum, dad, gran, granpa and the aunts and uncles. Everyone gets together at Christmas, gran cooks and we have a proper Christmas dinner, chicken, roast potatoes, gravy, the whole lot. I love my grans cooking; it’s the best in the world.

It’s the Christmas holidays after the ball so I can’t wait for it to be over. I won’t be going obviously, why would I? No one will notice if I’m not there, they’ll look at me if I turn up and whisper things to each other like “who’s she? Is she new I don’t recognise her.” I don’t want to have to introduce myself a hundred times and explain to people that I’ve been here all along and have them wonder why they didn’t notice me.

Even worse, I don’t want them to carry on not noticing me, to be sitting at the edge of the hall all alone and have no one even look at me all evening. Then I’d know I really have become invisible.

I looked up and saw people walking around the grounds, chatting merrily to one another, all looking forward to the upcoming ball. They were going to dance and laugh and some of them might even get a bit out of it and burst into song. They’d all have a good time and I wouldn’t be there, I would be up in my dorm all on my own doing nothing, but I didn’t mind. I chose to be up there after all, so I couldn’t complain now, my choice was made.

I had a set of dress robes that my mum bought me hidden at the bottom of my trunk. I loved it and it fit me perfectly, I got it on a shopping trip to diagonal alley with my mum but even as I twirled around in it to my mum’s delighted applause I knew that I would never actually get to wear it. Not in my school life anyway, maybe it would me in two years time? I doubted it.

When I thought that I did feel slightly sad, I did love the dress and it made me look so good. It was pale violet with darker purple in the trimming, gran always insisted purple was my colour and when I saw my reflection in the shop mirror that day I had to agree with her.

I shook my head and picked myself up from the rock, my limbs ached from not moving for so long and I shook then about a bit to get rid of the pins and needles, it didn’t matter to me if I looked like a fool.

I looked down into the lake again, wondering what really lurched down in its deep depths, I didn’t believe the stories about mermaids and had never actually seen the giant squid for myself, but I did like to think that there was something down there, swimming among the reeds.

More people were spilling onto the grounds now from the great hall, they must have eaten already but I still didn’t feel hungry. I didn’t want to stay out here any longer; the tranquillity was gone, replaced but the constant chatter of hundreds of students.

As I walked inside I noticed that many of the girls from my year were still missing from the crowds, they were probably beautifying themselves before coming down for breakfast.
I walked past the great hall, quickly glancing in, for some reason my eyes were drawn to a group of three at the Gryffindor table. James, Sirius and Peter were sitting alone eating their breakfast looking grim. No one had sat near them due to the overall vibe of worry and stress emanating from the group.

I carried on walking up the stairs without taking any further notice, but I did wonder where Remus had got to; usually the four were inseparable.

I shrugged the thought away and carried on my way towards the Gryffindor common room. I would go and get some work to do from my school bag that I had left in my dorm and then go down to the library and spend the day getting a head start on homework so I didn’t have to do as much during the holidays.