Hiding Bruises

Hiding Bruises- Chapter 8- Stars

I sighed as the blast of cold air hit me directly in the face; so shocking it almost knocked me backwards. But I liked it, it cooled my temper and I found the goose bumps already rising on my forearms slightly comforting; they let me know that I was here.

As I walked down the steps out of the school, I looked up at the sky. It was covered with stars; they sparkled everywhere, from every corner of the galaxy. As I got further away from the light spilling out of the school windows more and more appeared. I loved stars; always have. Most people find the feeling of being small disconcerting, uncomfortable, but I like it. I guess because it reminds me that, although I may be small and insignificant, so is everyone else. In the big picture none of us really matter. To the stars we are all invisible, whether everyone here on this tiny planet likes us or not.

I walked down to the lake, absentmindedly kicking stones with my feet. I’d come out here to calm down, and it had certainly done the job.

I sat down on a large stone beside the lake and stared into the murky water below me. I couldn’t see anything, sometimes I imagined seeing ghostly faces rising up out of the dark depths towards me: but not tonight. Tonight the surface was flat and calm, unmoving and black. It locked you out; the surface didn’t want me to see what was hidden beneath it.

I put my hand in the water; causing minuet ripples to spread across the lake- I watched them disappear. The water wasn’t cold, or if it was my hand was already so cold that it didn’t notice, in fact the water felt strangely warm and soothing. It felt nice.

I lifted my wand from my robes and uttered a quick spell, immediately after a silvery shape appeared before me. I watched my patronus circle around me in the dark.

I don’t know how long I sat like that, running my hand through the water, watching the animal run around in the night.

**********

3rd Person

Sirius walked off the dance floor as soon as the music stopped; the girl (he couldn’t remember her name) was still hanging off his arm. He looked down at her, confused as to why she was still there; she looked up at him and smiled coyly. Normally he would of smiled back, she was pretty after all, but tonight for some reason he didn’t want to.

“I’m going back to my mates,” he said flatly, he couldn’t be bothered thinking of a nice way to say it.

She looked taken aback, “do you want to dance again?” she asked him. It sounded almost like a challenge.

He looked at her again, and shook his head; he just wasn’t in the mood for this. He gestured to where James, Peter and Remus were standing, and without another word, walked away.

He heard the girl make a quiet harumffing sound behind him and he could tell that she was about to toss her hair over he shoulder and walk away, she would probably then go and sit in a corner complaining about how he’d broke her heart. He rolled him eyes to himself, girls were so stupid, getting upset just because one guy didn’t want to dance with them. But wasn’t he upset because one girl didn’t want to dance with him? He shook his head to himself, dislodging the thought, he wasn’t heart-broken; a little confused maybe- no one had ever turned him down before and he couldn’t understand why she had- but not heart-broken. It was probably just that ridiculous always-wanting-what-you-can’t-have gene kicking in.

He reached the others, “hey” he greeted them drearily.

James looked at him strangely, “that one not good enough for you either mate?” he asked.

“Nah, I’m just not in the mood.”

Peter’s mouth fell open, “a beautiful girl like that wants to dance with you and you’re not in the mood?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “just ‘cause you’d take any girl who’d have you doesn’t mean we’re all that desperate.” James sniggered but Peter scowled.

“You don’t normally turn this many down though mate, you sure you’re Ok?” Remus was looking at him strangely, like a doctor examining a patient, he look worried.

Sirius thought about all the girls he’d turned down tonight, there had been a lot, but he couldn’t picture any of their faces. The only face in his head was that of the one girl who he hadn’t turned down. “I’m fine,” he said, which he was, at least he thought he was, but maybe he wasn’t. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about that girl?

James could she his friend was worried, him and Sirius were really close and could always tell when something was up with the other. James studied his friend a minute longer, “is it that girl?” he asked, “the one from before” he added, as though Sirius wouldn’t know who he meant.

“I don’t know,” Sirius shrugged, like most guys, he wasn’t comfortable about discussing his feelings this openly, especially as he wasn’t really sure what he was feeling right now. “I think I’m gonna go outside,” he said, “I’ve got a headache coming on.” It wasn’t a lie because at that very moment he felt a strange feeling of nausea spread through him. Everyone was talking, really loud, too loud; it made his head hurt. He shook it and walked away from his friends.

“What’s up with him?” asked Peter, the least sensitive of the three.

“I don’t know,” said Remus, “but I think James is right, it has something to do with that girl.”

“The one that turned him down?” asked Peter, also the slowest of the three.

“Yeah,” said James, “he really isn’t used to rejection.” Peter heartily agreed, he’d never seen a girl walk away from Sirius before, from what he could tell they all sort of idolized him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sirius wondered out of the school, his head still buzzing from the noise inside. A few girls tried to follow him out but he swatted them away like flies. They simply turned round and went back inside, it was easy for them; after all: they were used to being refused.

He stood outside, just outside the light of the windows, so that he would be invisible from inside. The stars were really bright that night; he looked up at them and wondered which one of them was his namesake- the Sirius star (also known as the ‘Dog Star’). It had always been a bit of an inside joke to him and his friends, they’d driven everyone mad laughing about it in astronomy. It was the brightest star in the sky; which was probably why his mum had liked it. She saw the things that stand out most as the best, most important; but sometimes you should look at the other things too; sometimes the quieter ones were more interesting. Sometimes the ones that didn’t force themselves on you were the ones that really made the difference.

He looked down towards the lake and saw a faint shimmer of light moving by the water, he strained his eyes to see what it was. He could tell it was some kind of animal and judging from the appearance it was a patronus. He started walking closer to it and he could soon tell it was some kind of big cat.

Then he remembered seeing Tina go out of the hall, into the night; and he grinned.

************

Tina’s POV

I didn’t hear any footsteps approaching until he was right behind me, I really was hypnotised by the water I guess. “Hi,” he said. I swung round to face him, instantly pulling my arms around myself for protection.

“Oh, it’s you,” I said, relived, “ sorry I thought it would be someone else.” I let my hands fall to my sides.

He was surprised by my reaction, “it’s Ok,” he said, “I shouldn’t have sneaked up on you like that.”

“I was just a thinking, I didn’t hear you coming,” I said feebly.

“My fault,” he said, I was about to reply when he continued, “I should of coughed really loud or stamped or something on my way over.”

I opened my mouth to tell him it didn’t matter, but then I saw his cheeky smile and I realized he was joking. “Oh,” I said stupidly and laughed. He didn’t say anything else, just looked at me, I tried to look at me but his gaze was as hard to break, as Bella’s was to hold. His eyes were brown and soft, like a dogs, and you fell into them; but it wasn’t like with Bella’s, where you were getting sucked down, it was like floating away, getting lost except that you didn’t really care if you never found your way again, and part of you wanted to stay lost forever.

It was him who looked away first; he looked up at the night sky. I looked up too, he didn’t say anything and I felt a bit awkward in the silence so I said, “I love stars.”

He looked back at me, grinning widely, “You know I’m named after a star.”

I didn’t know, “which one?” I asked intrigued.

He leaned closer to me and pointed up wards at the sky, “ that one” he said. I tried to look up at the sky, to concentrate on where his finger was indicating but I was too aware of his closeness to me. I felt weird and I couldn’t speak properly, I made a strange moaning noise in the back of my throat. He looked down at me and saw that I was staring at his face; he chuckled to himself. He reached over and took my chin in one of his hands, I stared back into his eyes and he gently moved my head over to the side, so I couldn’t see him anymore. “Look, there,” he said, “ that bright one.”

I saw it, it stood out, and it was by far the brightest in the sky and shone out, making all the others seem dim in comparison. “Wow,” I said, mesmerised, “it’s beautiful.”

“Yes, it is,” he said, but out of the corner of my eye I distinctly noticed that he wasn’t looking up at the sky anymore. I blushed and shook my head, knocking his hand away from my face in the same movement. I carried on looking up at the sky and he looked away from my face and stared around at the woods.

It was once again me who broke the silence, “why are you out here?” he just looked at me blankly, “shouldn’t you be inside partying or something?” I asked nervously, trying to make my voice sound care free and relaxed.

“Oh, I um,” he seemed to take a minute to reorganise his thoughts, “I had a headache, from all the people talking, it gets pretty noisy in there. I just wanted some space.”

“Oh, sorry,” I said, seeing what he was hinting at, “ do you want me to go?”

He looked round at me, confused, then he realized what I was thinking, “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant all of them, but you’re Ok.”

I didn’t really know what to say to that so I didn’t reply.

He opened his mouth to say something else but then we heard voices from the castle entrance, it was James and Remus, they were looking for Sirius. “I better go in” he said quickly and stood up, looking at me expectantly.

“Me too,” I said also getting up.

We walked up to the castle side by side and by the time we got into good view of the two boys I could tell that they were staring at me with considerable interest. James’s eyes were flicking from me to the boy beside, trying to work out what we’d been doing out here, alone, in the dark. “I better go, see you,” I muttered to Sirius and speed up to get past them. Remus watched me like a hawk as I went back inside the school and as soon as I was out of sight I heard the three boys start to talk quickly. I would have stayed to listen in but a few girls came out of the hall at that moment and glared at me; so I hurried away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Once I was upstairs and safely tucked into bed I smiled to myself; I was going home tomorrow.

I couldn’t wait to get out of there.