A Beautiful Moment Amongst The Rain

Isn't it funny, how when someone is alive, the memories you share with them are happy ones. But when they die, those happy moments quickly turn into sad ones? I guess it's the reminder of good things coming to an end, that those heart warming moments are no more than past experiences and sensations tucked into your mind.

When I look back on what we had, everything was a happy memory for me. From the affectionate moments, to even the arguments, they bring a smile to my face. It all began that day at school, when you stepped out of your car and into my life and eyesight. I was sold, but I didn't know it at the moment. If love were a dangerous poison, I was terminal.

You got out of your orange Honda, dark eyes hidden behind black sunglasses. Your hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail. You were slender, your womanly curves accentuated by your tasteful sense in fashion. I had never found, up to this point, a female as breathtaking as you were.

"Who is that?" I asked Lizzie, not being able to take my eyes off of you.

"Her? That's Andrea Bartsow, she's a Senior I think," Lizzie answered, not paying too much attention to your distant figure.

"How come I haven't seen her around here?" I continued to ask, taking my eyes off of you for just one moment to get my bag.

"I don't know, maybe it has something to do with her poor attendance and running with the wrong crowd," Lizzie said plainly.

"She doesn't look like that kind of person though," I said dreamily, looking you over one last time before you made your way to class.

"Sometimes, the prettiest flowers have the sharpest thorns, remember that hm?" Lizzie said, obviously annoyed by my curiosity and awe to you.

We entered the school without much more talk of you. I didn't have any real important classes during the first half of the school day, so I spent them secretly studying and catching up on homework. Also, I don't know why at the time, but I was secretly thinking about you and how your day was going.

When lunch came, I met up with Lizzie at our usual spot. I don't know why, but out of all of my friends, I only really hung out with Lizzie. Sure, the others were nice people, but they didn't really get me like Lizzie did. Well, Lizzie and you of course, the others were just acquaintances.

"So, you been studying up for that history test?" Lizzie asked me as I took a seat next to her.

I nodded, "As ready as I'll ever be. I'm sure I'll do fine."

Lizzie rolled her eyes, "You always cram at the last moment, you always think you're gonna do the bare minimum, but you always end up acing the damned thing! You're too modest!"

I shrugged as I took a bite from an apple I had packed in my lunch. I was listening to Lizzie, yet I was searching for someone. Yes, it was you. I wanted to see you again, in your pristine beauty and glamor. I had never been this determined to lay eyes on another girl, I had always had intimate feelings for boys most of my life. But there was something about you that had me drawn to your presence, whether you were in my proximity or not.

"Hey, are you listening?" Lizzie asked impatiently, waving a hand in front of my face.

"Huh? Yeah, sorry," I said sheepishly, trying to play off my searching as simple daydreaming.

"Okay, well anyway, Tom asks me out in second period and.."

Once again, I tuned her out, my eyes moving from attractive girl to attractive, gauging and judging their appearances with the high standard that you had set for all others. Wait a minute?! Since when did I start looking at girls like this? Since when did I zero in on a girls ass, legs, breasts, and so forth? This was normal right? I'm sure all girls did this sort of thing too.

"And then he keeps bugging me and bugging me and, shit, I don't know how to make him stop y'know?" Lizzie continued to say, caught up in her own conversation.

I only nodded and said, "Uh huh, really?"

That was the default auto-pilot talking, not me. I was still on the hunt for you, and was about to give up, when by some miracle, you walked into the cafeteria. I felt my skin get hot and itchy, my heart seemed to flutter and jump madly in my chest. My breathing slowed, as I watched you walk calmly and confidently to a table occupied by some skater punks.

They whistled at you, smiling and making rude gestures and comments at you. You only ignored them, giving them a harsh middle finger as you passed, not caring. They only laughed at this, and I saw you smile ever so slightly. A smile of self gratification towards the knowledge that yes, you still had it, and that you were sexy to everyone in that room. I have to admit, I felt like the last person in line, as every eye was on you. Whether it was in awe of your beauty, or in suspicion of your reputation, both guys and girls were watching your graceful movements to the soda machine.

"Hey, isn't that Andrea?" Lizzie asked me, finally taking notice herself.

I nodded dreamily, "Yeah, she looks...hot.."

Lizzie shot me a look of concern, "Excuse me?! Yeah, she's pretty and all, but she isn't anything special! She lets it go to her head, see?! See her smiling as everyone eye fucks her?! She's so vain and narcissistic!"

I didn't care, it meant nothing to me, those words spoken. You were beautiful, through and through, and I wanted, no needed, to talk to you. I felt out of place though, out of your league. You sat by yourself, not looking at all bothered with your lack of companionship. This confused me even more, how could someone have no friends? How could this be, when every guy wanted to fuck you? Every girl wanted to be you? And I...I wanted...I wanted to get to know you.

"Why does she sit all alone?" I asked Lizzie, still not taking my eyes off of you.

Lizzie sighed, "Probably because she's so full of herself, she feels that all the rest of us peasants are unworthy or something."

I knew that was only an ignorant assumption, no one was like that. You became a mystery to me, from that moment on. You didn't look like the tom-boy tough girl, yet you walked with an air and confidence of someone who would fight for what they believed in. You carried yourself with a elegance, a certain gait that wasn't flaunting, neither was it proper. I had to know more about you, but I was too afraid to go up to you and talk to you one-on-one.

"Hey, are you okay?! This entire time, all that you've been doing, is staring at little Miss perfect over there! You haven't even eaten yet, and there is only a few more minutes of lunchtime left," Lizzie said, interrupting my thoughts of you.

She was right, I hadn't even opened up my brown lunch bag yet. But I wasn't really hungry, I had too many butterflies in my stomach, as well as a strange tingling elsewhere. My hands were in my lap, nervously picking at my nails.

The bell rang, ending the lunch period. It had been a pointless moment in the day, I hadn't eaten, I hadn't gained anymore knowledge of you, and we were still sitting a million tables apart from one another.

"Better get to class," Lizzie said, as she got out of her seat and went to throw her garbage away.

I nodded absent mindedly, still not taking my eyes off of you. I saw you get up from your seat, to throw your trash away, when some jock wearing his football jersey, came over to you. I frowned at this, thinking that you were one of those plastics who went after brainless apes. But you proved me wrong, because you gave that asshole a look of distaste, followed by a hard shove that had him taking a few steps backwards. Then you got directly in his face, said something to him, and then turned to leave. The jock stood there, as if in shock of what had just happened.

"Well, hope you're ready for that test, cause it's coming up next," Lizzie said, grabbing my arm to pull me along.

I resisted, "I'm sure we'll be fine. Uhm, I need to do something real quick, I'll see you in class?"

Lizzie shot me a look of disbelief to what I had just said, "What? But we always walk to class together, it's what we've done since Freshman year!"

I knew she would protest and wrinkle her nose to us breaking a tradition, but I felt this was my only chance to be able to walk up to you and actually..talk to you. I saw which direction you were going, and although you were heading to the math and English wing of the school, it was only a floor above the history and science wing. I could easily talk to you, then head downstairs to my class. Easy right?

"Where are you goin?" Lizzie asked helplessly, as she watched me push against the surging crowd of students.

"It's okay, I'll see you in class!" I said, smiling in hopes that it would calm Lizzie down.

Lizzie frowned, but she nodded. She was confused and a little hurt, but she'd get over it.

I turned my attention back to you, seeing you slip out one of the side doors. I moved as quickly as I could, moving through the crowd that was clogging up the stairways and exits.
I was frustrated, seeing you moving ahead of me, unknowing of my intentions. I was tempted to cry out your name, but thought better of it. I didn't want to make a spectacle of myself on our first meeting.

The crowd surged, shoving me from left to right, everyone growing annoyed and impatient to the slow progress of emptying out the cafeteria and getting to class on time. Eventually, I was able to shove my way through the exit, but tripped over someones shoe and fell. I threw my arms out, landing on my outstretched hands. I was okay, aside from sore palms and a little shaken. Some gravel had embedded itself in my palms, which I picked out as I continued my search for you. It wasn't until after I picked a flat looking object from my hand, did I realize it was a rusty nail.

Pain and fear seeped in as I pulled thin rusted metal spike from my skin. Blood welled up and began to gush from the perfect circle shaped hole. I shrieked, becoming queasy from all the blood now spilling out and staining my wrist and open palm with red.

I looked up to find you, but you were out of sight, having already made your journey across the faculty parking lot and into the adjacent building. I wanted to cry right then and there, having ditched my best friend for a complete stranger who didn't acknowledge my existence because we had never spoken. I wanted to cry from the pain now stinging and hot in my hand. I wanted to cry because I had my heart set on walking and talking with you on our way to our classes. But now, I needed to go to the nurses office.

I whimpered, disappointment killing the once blossoming hope and affection I held for this botched walk that we would share. I began to walk, slowly and erratically, the sight of my own blood making me sick. I never liked the sight of blood, ever since I was a kid. Ben and I would get into arguments because of it, since any action movie with bloody violence would send me running to the bathroom.

I felt light headed, the school building looking so far off from where I was treading. I didn't know if I could make it, not that I was losing gallons of blood or anything, just the inertia caused by the sight of it.

"Hey, are you okay?" a strong voiced girl asked from behind me.

I turned, expecting to see some nosy prep. But instead, I was quite surprised and shocked by the sight of you. I had no idea you were behind me at the time, having dropped back to light up a cigarette behind one of the school dumpsters. I had passed you, having not seen you duck behind cover. But you saw me didn't you? You saw me trip and fall, the look of alarm on my face, the bleeding.

I could only look at you with scared kitten eyes as you exhaled from your cigarette. You now looked like a rugged girlie-girl. The kind who ride motorcycles, drag race, hustle at pool, could win an arm wrestling match. You looked tough, and that didn't at all damage my opinion of you. Of course I frown on smoking, but you made a bad habit look good.

You must've seen my expression on my face, because you immediately snubbed out the cigarette, leaving a ring of cherry red lipstick on the filter. You dug into your purse, and pulled out some Kleenex. You gently put it on my injury, telling me to apply pressure.

"C'mon sweetie, we need to get you to the nurse," you said, taking me by the arm and pulling me along with an urgent tug.

"Wait, wait!" I said, finally gathering the nerve to speak to you.

"What? Is everything okay? Can I take you to the nurse?" you asked me, giving me that sweet look of concern as stopped to look at me.

You were still holding my arm firmly, the warmth of it bringing me a nervous comfort. I only nodded my approval to her actions, thinking that a verbal response would only come out all wrong.

You smiled warmly and continued to pull me along, my guide from heaven. I felt this was the chance to talk to you, to get to know you better.

I was about to start a conversation, when the school bell rang, marking our tardiness to class.

"Oh shit, we're late! Damn it!" you exclaimed angrily, making me feel like I had inconvenienced you.

"Sorry," I muttered blankly.

But you weren't mad at me, I could have sworn you would be pissed off. But you weren't, you only looked back at me and you still had that honey sweet smile on your face.

"Don't be, I like helping people out. I'm a sucker for pretty girls," you said sincerely.

I blushed, sure girls have called me pretty, but they never meant it like you had. The way you had said it, made it a compliment and not just a polite observation. I was thrilled to have someone as beautiful as you, call me pretty. It was like the Queen of England had gone and made me her honorary Princess!

You saw me smiling, because your own smile got broader, "C'mon, we'll be there in no time, sides, you're my alibi for my lateness right?"

I continued to smile, at this point, I'd do anything for you.

"My name's Andrea, what's yours?" you asked as you introduced yourself to me.

I already knew who you were, but I played along anyway, "I'm Tabitha, but everyone calls me Tabbie."

"Tabbie? That's cute, it suits you well. Makes me think of a cute and cuddly kitty cat or some shit like that," you said with a laugh.

I found it interesting how you could take something that sounded so rough, and make it sound so sweet. No matter how much profanity you would throw into your casual conversations and speech, it made you sound cute and a little dirty, but in a good way.

We got to the nurse's office, where you stopped outside of the door. I turned to face you, confused as to why you weren't going in with me.

"Well, here we are. If they need any witnesses or whatever, you can give them my name, I got your back sweetie," you said casually with a smirk.

"Thank you Andrea," that was all that I could think of to say to you at the time.

You lowered your dark sunglasses, exposing your beautiful light brown eyes to me for the first time. I felt that growing warmth within me again, I felt as though my legs would buckle.

"No problem Tabbie, take care of yourself, it was a pleasure to meet you," you said as you slid your sunglasses back up the bridge of your nose, covering up your eyes once again.

You made it sound like we would never meet again, and just the thought of that hurt me deeply. You turned to leave, causing that tingling within me to surge and I lost control. All instinct, all passion spoke out for me.

"When will I see you again?" I called out to you, still standing there in front of the nurse's office door.

You turned, as if you had expected me to say such a thing to you. You had that sly smirk on your face, a flirty look.

"Miss me already? I'm sure we'll see each other around sometime."

Your response wasn't good enough for me, not at this point. I wanted more of you, I wanted more time with you. The fact that I was acting differently, that I was so deeply interested and needy for you, it never crossed my mind that I was acting out of a natural impulse and instinct, than a heterosexual need for companionship.

"I want to get to know you, you intrigue me. I can't help but be curious as to who you are and what you like...and stuff," I said excitedly, the pain in my hand was all but forgotten now.

"Don't worry, we'll run into each other again. This school isn't that big, we're bound to meet again. I'll see you around, okay sweetie?"

You gave me one last smile before turning to walk away. I watched you walk out of sight, down that hallway. I felt alone, abandoned in some way, yet I felt an unrivaled triumph. I had spoken to you, touched you, and it seemed like you liked me well enough. I hadn't felt like this since my first boyfriend back in Freshman year. That feeling of joy, accomplishment, wanting, and satisfaction. I never thought another girl could make me feel that way, and that was when I began to think, was all of this normal? Was it right for me to feel and think this way about another girl? Was it wrong? Was I becoming something I wasn't?

These questions and a million others began to attack me, each one lowering my positive outlook and thoughts on the recent events of this school day afternoon. Did all of this, the thoughts, emotions, physical signs, was this an indication of me being a lesbian? Or a bi-sexual? Surely not, I've always liked boys my entire life, it was only natural to me. Sure, I hadn't had a boyfriend in a few years, and I stopped flirting with them altogether, but that was because the guys here were pigs and morons! No, I was quite sure that what you and I had, was completely natural and heterosexual.

But a subconscious voice of honesty still spoke to me, as if to reassure myself that what I had felt for you was okay.

"If I was a lesbian or bi-sexual, I'd want to be that with her. With Andrea Bartsow."