Just Look at the Mess You've Made

It hasn't been getting better.

Gerard and Frank have been here for a fortnight and during that fortnight I've attempted to change rooms twice. Both times I was denied. Bob stopped me from attempting to change rooms the third time. He's just conspiring against me with Suzie.

Everyone's out to get me with their excuses of 'it's to help you'. Bullshit it is.

I've been forced to go to my classes each day but the worst class I have is the Early Motherhood class that is scheduled every two days. Bob's in the Early Fatherhood class which means that it's the one class we don't have together. Frank and Gerard have enrolled in their own classes as well, but when they told us which classes they had picked, I had pretended to be asleep. That was ruined when I needed to throw up.

We share some classes with them, but the Early Motherhood class I have is the one class that I'm absolutely alone in. It was obvious that Frank had been placed in a different Motherhood class as they're compulsory for us and we're not in the same class.

I've endured six weeks of this crap, I only have thirty more weeks to go. Fabulous. Our Pregnancy class gave each couple a calendar that is specially dated for us. Bob's the only one who has looked at it and he relays everything back to me like I really want to know. According to him, as it's the nineteenth of April, I'm six weeks along and have thirty weeks left. Thirty fucking weeks left of all this. Fantastic.

This morning was spent with Suzie and I was so close to just telling her that I didn't care what she said because I wasn't here out of my own free will. If I told her that then she'd just think I wasn't coping well enough and that maybe I needed some sessions alone with her. I know what she's like from these last few weeks we've been in this place so I know what not to say in front of her. However, I know I can say anything in front of Bob and he won't tell relay it back to her. I think that's the only thing that he keeps from Suzie.

We went to the canteen after the appointment with her and sat at one of the tables, a tray of pasta in front of me along with a water bottle. Bob had got these for me and had just got himself a packet of crisps. All I had done to the pasta was poke it with my fork when Gerard and Frank came up to the table and sat down, Frank next to me with Gerard opposite him.

"Hey guys," Frank chirped cheerfully, placing his tray on the table. He had a sandwich, a cookie and a drink on his tray. I bet it's cheese.

Bob nodded at him and I continued stabbing at my pasta. "So, Positive Thinking is next," Frank continued. "Personally, I thought it would be an interesting class to take, but Gee, here, didn't think it would be. I managed to persuade him, though."

"That's nice," I muttered, grabbing my water and taking a swig.

Gerard looked at me and then down at my food. "Aren't you going to eat that?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."

Bob gave me a meaningful look but I just ignored it. Gerard looked back at me and tried to catch my eye but I avoided allowing him to. "Have you eaten lunch, Mikey?"

With a sigh, I kicked Bob's shin and shrugged my shoulders. Just before Gerard said something else, Bob cut across. "It's fine, I'll get him to eat later on. The canteen's never closed so he'll eat something cold later."

Gerard nodded curtly at him before eyeing us suspiciously. They hadn't been here long enough to know that we hardly ever come to the canteen, mostly only ever eating something at midday. I know that sometimes Bob goes to the canteen alone, but I don't. I eat enough at midday to sustain me for the day, and so far everything seems fine.

Deciding to try and break whatever he felt could potentially start between Gerard and I, Frank took a bite of his sandwich before turning to me. "Can you believe that we're six weeks already, Mikey? It seems like it wasn't that long ago that I first found out." He seemed actually into this whole pregnancy idea, and for a moment I just looked at him until Bob kicked my shin to snap me out of it.

"Yeah, hasn't it just flown right by?" I muttered more to myself.

I glanced around the room and looked at the clock on the wall. Twenty more minutes until Positive Thinking class. Oh the joy.

Frank ate most of the sandwich and half of the cookie before it was time for the next lesson. My pasta went in the bin but I kept hold of the water, taking it with me so that I had a means of directing my attention elsewhere if attention is brought onto me. Frank and Gerard sat together, and as they only came into the class two weeks ago, any tables next to us were occupied. The reason why we needed tables is because the woman who held the class often got us to draw stick figures of ourselves and shade in what part of our body we felt the best out that day. I honestly felt like a child.

"Remember, boys, everything that I say in this room is for your benefit only and is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. Not all of you will feel that every way that I encourage the positive thinking will help you, and that's completely fine," the woman spoke, walking around the room as she did. "Some of you will feel that none of these ways will help you but that's not true. You just don't believe in yourself to be able to accept thinking positively about yourself. We're here to help you accept that about yourself and to encourage you to continue thinking that as your body goes through all these change in order to provide for the baby."

I looked over at Frank and saw that he was giggling at something. It was probably the woman but then he is next to Gerard so I wasn't too sure. I glanced back a Bob and he looked to be staring off into the distance at something or rather. Through most of the boring classes like this one, he tends to just zone out even though he still manages to recall what was said. I never manage to remember as soon as we leave the class, but that's mostly to do with the fact that I don't want to remember.

Sighing, I looked at my bottle that was resting on the table.

This was all useless.