Lost

Two weeks later, I was still stressing about this 'friend' thing with Jason. I mean I don't really know why. It's not like he should have waited for me. I was a terrible boyfriend. Yesterday at work, I did sort of flip out at a coworker. I apologized of course, but I still felt like I was being to stressed. I mean it was the day before Robbie's birthday and there was still so much stuff to set up. I needed to get the cake and the balloons needed blowing up. It was all so hectic. Robbie has been even more crazy then ever. Adam hadn't come over to take him in those two weeks. Allison seemed fine with it, but I knew she wasn't. I was on a mission right now. Cake. I had to pick it up. I had picked out a very cute one the other day and it was suppose to be ready by now. I stood in line at the bakery and thinking. What if his boyfriend was very cute? What if he was abusive? Jason wouldn't fall for an abusive boyfriend right? That's why he left me. I chewed on my lip as number fifty five was called. I walked up to them. "It's under flamer." I said. Allison made the reservation. I rolled my eyes slightly as the woman behind the counter told me to hold on. I wanted my mind to be empty. But that was so hard.

"Fifty five seventy." She said looking at the receipt. I looked confused.

"Are you sure you got the right one?" I said.

"Yes. For Robbie's first birthday?" I nodded and reached in my wallet and pulled out the money, handing it to her. I took the cake and looked at it. Okay it was the right one, why did it cost so much? I chewed on the inside of my lip and walked out to the car, placing it gingerly in the front seat. I drove home, not really caring if I got home fast or not. I mean it was December, in New York, the cake was not going to melt. I laughed lightly to myself at the thought of the cake melting in December weather. I pulled up to the complex and got out. I walked over to the passenger side of the car and slipped on some ice. I landed straight on my ass. "Fuck." I muttered.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" Someone said coming over to me. They helped me up and I looked at him. I smiled slightly.

"Thanks. I'm fine. Just hurt my butt." I said rubbing it slightly.

"You gotta be careful out here. The ice gets very slippery. Not as bad as Chicago but still pretty bad." He said laughing slightly. My smile dropped.

"Jason?" I said looking at him with my jaw slightly dropped.

"Mikey!" He said smiling widely. "You...Changed.." He said with an awkward laugh.

"I should say the same to you. Did you dye your hair!" I practically squealed. He nodded and chewed on one of his lip rings. I sighed. "Where's your friend?" I said chewing on the inside of my lip. He turned around and looked, smiling when he spotted the two figures walking towards us. One of them was Allison holding Robbie. The other was a black haired boy. He was slightly shorter then Jason, but still taller then me. I sighed as Jason smiled when the guy put his arms around him.

"Whose this?" The guy said pointing to me smiling. Everyone was just too happy.

"This is Mikey." Jason said kissing the top of his head.

"Oh. The Mikey from foster care?" Jason nodded and let his smile alter slightly. "Hi, I'm Bert." He said with a huge smile.

"Mikey." I said in a monotone voice. I pulled the cake out of the front seat and started walking towards the stairs. I did not want to be here right now. I wanted to be as far away from theses people as possible. I unlocked the front door and left it open as I walked in. I placed the cake on the counter and stood there with my hands on either side of the cake, gripping the edge slightly. I groaned loudly and bit my lip to stop tears from coming.

"Mikey, you didn't expect him to just wait did you?" Allison said standing in the doorway of the kitchen. I shook my head and let the tears fall silently. Allison sighed sadly and walked over to me. She hugged me from behind and I turned around, crying into her shoulder.

"I did this all for him. I just wanted things to be normal. I wanted to feel loved by him again." Allison sighed and rubbed my back. Robbie's laughter started to fill the apartment. I heard Jason mumble an 'ow' before more laughter from Robbie. I sniffled and pulled away from Allison and wiped my eyes. "We have a party to throw. When do the rest of the guest get here?" I said wiping my eyes once more.

"In an hour. I'll finish getting things together. I'll have Jason and Bert help okay? You go get ready. I know you take an hour getting ready." She said smiling. I laughed slightly and nodded. She walked away leaving me to stand there by myself. I sighed and walked out of the room. I walked down the little hall to my room. I looked through my drawers for something to wear. I had to look amazing. I just had to.

"Wear your tight black Avenged Sevenfold shirt." Jason said behind me. I turned around and noticed him standing in the doorway smiling at me. This was a different smile. A sad smile. I nodded and went on the search for it. I pulled it out and threw it on my bed. "You still have this?" I turned around and saw him looking at the ring he gave back to me the night he left. It was hanging from a chain and on my wall.

"Of course." I said walking over to him and looking at it. "I didn't want to forget you." I said place my finger on it. Jason sighed and sat down on my bed with his head in his hands.

He grunted before looking at me, slightly angry. "You hurt me Mikey. You hurt me bad!" He said raising his voice.

I looked down and nodded. "I know." I said sadly.

"No. You don't know! You don't know at all! Everything you helped me forget came tumbling back. My dad, the beating, the raping. I.. I can't stop thinking about it anymore. Six fucking months of reliving it every night. Every day. Anytime someone wants to touch me I wince away! You don't understand, Mikey!" He screamed at me. I walked over and sat next to him.

"Jason. I'm sorry. Really. I wasn't in the right mind set. If I had been, I would have never...." I said trailing off and biting my lip. He put his head back in his hand and sobbed loudly. I bit my lip before putting my hand on his back and rubbing it slightly. He winced a little before relaxing into my touch. I sighed and closed my eyes trying to relax. I hear when someone is upset the best thing to do is try and relax and your energy will make them relax. He looked up at me with those broken eyes of his and I couldn't help but lean in. He lent in also and our lips almost met before we heard a loud obnoxious squeal come from the living room.

Jason pulled away quickly. "Bert. I can't.." He said looking down slightly out of breath.

"Yeah. I...I gotta get ready." I said standing up and grabbing a random pair of skinny jeans. I grabbed the shirt and ran out to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and smiled. We almost kissed, and for now, almost is better then nothing.