Release Me, so I Can Convince Myself That I'm Better off Without You

"Oh, Kimmy honey," She greeted upon opening the door. "What are you doing here?" She stared back at me with curious doe eyes identical to my sister's. Her hair, though, was of the same color as mine, a blonde hue of almost pin-straight strands that I inherited from her. She was curvy, but on the shorter side like Miranda. While Miranda was naturally stick skinny like our father, she was short like our mother, standing at only 5'4 -- just an inch taller than the woman before me. I got my height from our father, but my curves were inherited from our mother; the big chest and ghetto booty included.

My mom was in one of her usual sundresses with the top half of her hair pulled back, giving her a youthful appearance. The Cole women were known for looking younger than they really were, and it was a trait Miranda and I both loved. Another that we loved was our long, thick eyelashes that many women would kill to have. The only trait we didn't get from the Cole side of our family were our long legs; Miranda and I had the spidery long legs of the Stephens.

"I . . . I didn't know where else to go." I whispered. "Benji and I got into a fight a few days ago."

"He said he loved you, didn't he?" It was like she could read my mind. "Come in, and I'll make you some tea. We can talk about this inside."

I nodded my head, following her into the house where I grew up. Maxwell was on the couch, helping Stetson with his homework, while Delilah was outside with some of her friends. She was growing into quite the young lady, soon to be in her teenage years, and she was so pretty. She looked just like our mother with blonde hair and brown eyes. Lucky for her, she was in with the popular kids, but mom taught her to be nice to everyone at all times, and I prayed she did just that.

Little Stetson was only six, but he was on several sports teams already. On Monday, he went to dribbling lessons. Tuesday was his off day, but Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were filled with football, baseball, and soccer practice. That little boy, with his blue eyes and blonde hair, was so gonna be a jock when he got older.

Maxwell waved at me as I followed his wife into the kitchen. He was such a nice guy, and he treated my mom like a queen; my mother was lucky to have him.

"Here ya go, honey." She placed a cup of hot tea in front of me before sliding into the chair beside me. "Now, spill,"

So, I sat there in the kitchen, spilling my heart and soul out to my mother like I've never done before. It was highly unlikely for a woman of the Stephen's name to discuss her feelings and emotions, but the Cole women always did, so with both of them in my blood, I had to give in some time.

My mother just sat next to me as I told her everything, sipping at her tea and nodding here and there when appropriate. She was a problem-solver at heart; a lover, not a fighter. She'd rather talk it out instead of using violence, but she had the patience to do so. I, however, acquired my father's impatience and short temper. I used my fists and spoke harsh words no matter the consequences, and my mother hated it. My foul mouth always made her cringe, but it was my lifestyle choices that always had her in tears. She wanted me to settle down and calm my wild ways, but I wasn't ready to, yet. I knew I would need to soon, seeing as the 30 mark was coming up fast, but I didn't want to settle down with just anyone. I wanted to find that one person that made me feel like no other, but the thought of loving someone scared me to no end.

It was obvious I was screwed up in the head. Most girls couldn't wait to fall in love, get married, and start a family. Then again, they also pretended to be Princesses living in magical kingdoms when they were younger. I was never into any of that, which could be why I never got along very well with other girls. I wasn't afraid to get down in the dirt and get my hands dirty. Oh, no. I loved playing in the dirt; that's how I met Brian.

He was dressed in a black shirt with plaid shorts -- both of which were covered in mud -- while my mother had me in one of those damn play dresses she thought were so cute but I hated more than anything. Needless to say, I walked over to him and got right into the dirt with them. He turned to me with a surprised grin and asked me why I wasn't afraid to get dirty. I smiled proudly and said, "Dirt is fun." And we've been friends ever since.

My mom could never understand why I hung out with Brian so much -- she thought he was adorable growing up, but she wanted me to have female friends. When Brian brought Jimmy to my house, my mom began to lose hope that I would ever be friends with a girl. It wasn't until I was a freshman at HB High that she got her wish; Dara Singleton and I started hanging out. Then, Dylana, Amber, Leigha, and Brook came shortly after during the next two years, but as I acquired new female friends, I also gained friends of the male persuasion. Still, though, it satisfied my mom to know I had girly friends to influence me.

Despite my lack of girlishness, I was a hit with the guys. Brian Haner Jr. wasn't my first boyfriend necessarily, but he was my first serious one. He popped my cherry in Junior year in the basement of his parents' home, which is where the "parties" would happen. I'll never regret giving him my virginity because I trusted him completely after knowing him for twelve years. Brian and I will always have a connection; I'll always run to him when I'm in need of a shoulder to cry on. He's my best friend.

"So, now the media is calling me a slut and accusing me of cheating on Benji," I finished explaining to her.

"Kimberlyn, you're almost thirty years old. You have got to stop running from your problems. Benji sounds like an amazing guy, honey. You need to hold onto him, if you care so much about him. You also need to get your priorities straight, too. If you love Benji, you're going to have to change some things that are in your way. Your sister is one thing for instance, Kimmy. The two of you need to stop your childish games and accept each other for what you are." She pleaded with me. "As for Zacky, maybe you need to put him in his place. I don't know what he wants with you if he's so happy with your sister, but whatever it is, I hope you put a stop to it." She placed her hand on top of mine, looking over at me with sincere eyes. "You deserve to be happy, honey."

I smiled back at her, appreciatively. "Thanks, mom."

"No problem," She grinned, getting up from the table. "You are staying for dinner, aren't you?"

A couple hours later, I was walking out to my Camaro with a full stomach and an eased mind. I was just about to start the ignition when my phone began to play Avenged's cover of Pantera's 'Walk.' The screen flashed "Synnie G" causing me to laugh at the name. "Hello?"

"Hey boo!"

"Jimmy . . . ?" I chuckled into receiver. "Why are you calling me from Brian's phone?"

"My celly died," He sounded sad, but it only lasted a couple seconds. "Anyway, you should meet us at Johnny's bar. I miiisss you!"

I sighed. "I'm really not dressed for the bar, Jimbo."

"Oh, shut up!" He huffed. "You always look fine as hell, bitch. Just get your ass over her and par-tay!"

"Fine. I'll be over there in twenty minutes."

"Yay! I love you, Kimmers!"

I chuckled, shaking my head at him as my car came to life with a fantastic purr. "Love ya too, Jimmers."

Just twenty minutes later, I was walking into the familiar bar, dressed in a white v-neck with patterned shorts and Nike dunks. My hair was pulled back from my face as Aviators hid my eyes, but I didn't care. It was my casual, less girly day, anyway. I didn't always have to dress to impress.

"Kimmers!" Jimmy came running at me full force, nearly knocking me on my ass, but he caught us before we could land on the floor.

Two hours later, I was shitfaced beyond belief and giggling at everything around me. I was in my own world, where all my problems ceased to exist and I was happy. There was no Vengeance there to piss me off or say hurtful things; there was nothing but happiness, and it should have been real!

Johnny turned to me, grinning at my disheveled look. "You are wasted, Kims."

"No," I giggled, peering up at him. "I . . . no waist . . . ted." And then I was out like a light, falling against Johnny as I passed out.

I remember waking up not too long after, when Shads was calling someone, but I passed out again.

I woke up again when someone picked me up and started carrying me somewhere. When I looked up, my vision was blurry and doubled as it tried to play tricks on me.