Status: Internet at home sucks where we live, so i'm not sure when I'll be able to update next. :/
Release Me, so I Can Convince Myself That I'm Better off Without You
Show Me
When I woke up the next morning, I was hangover-free but that didn't stop the confusion that followed when I opened my eyes. I was not home in my bed, nor was I at Brian's. So, where was I?
Sliding from the bed I was on, I ran a hand through my hair to flatten whatever bed hair I had as I walked out of the room. The hallway was quiet and familiar, but my drowsy mind couldn't process why as I passed picture after picture, not even daring to stop and look at them.
My brain was fuzzy and despite not being hungover, I still felt like shit. My thought process was currently stuck on the "what the hell?"-level, refusing to allow me the ability to remember what happened the night before. I faintly remember ordering shots and then downing them with Jimmy, but after that, its all one big blur. I couldn't remember a fucking thing, and I hated that. Damn me and my uncanny ability to drink until I pass out. I could be at some rapist's house and not even know it! Though, I doubt that's the case, seeing as I am somewhat familiar with this hallway.
As I came upon the end of the hallway, where my trek turned to stairs, I could hear voices talking nearby. Curious, I gripped the banister to my right like my life depended on it and descended down the stairs one step at a time. I was never very graceful, even sober or on high alert, so I was trying to be cautious in my drowsy stupor. It was embarrassing enough that I didn't know where I was or how I got here; I didn't need to make it worse by falling down the stairs.
When I stepped down from the last step onto the level ground, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. The voices got louder as I inched past the deserted living room, until finally I was at the door of the kitchen. The strong scent of coffee flowed to my nostrils like smoke from a cigarette, making me crave the dark caffeine. Maybe if I had some, I could wake up properly . . .
The two sitting at the counter were all too familiar for my liking. One of them had his back to me, but across from him, the other one looked back at me with dark eyes, stopping his words mid-sentence as he looked me over curiously.
"I guess I'll leave the two of you to talk, then." He slid out from behind the counter effortlessly, but it was his brother who grabbed my attention as he turned in his seat to face me. I nearly cringed when Benji turned to me with anything but a smile on his face.
Joel pulled me to him just as he was leaving the room. "You look like shit, babe." He stated loud enough for his brother to hear. Then, he pulled me even closer to whisper in my ear. "Don't hurt him," He placed a brotherly kiss on my forehead before maneuvering past me to leave through the front door.
Benji got up from his seat, heading over to the coffee pot with tense shoulders and a heavy sigh. I didn't know what to say as I watched him pour a fresh cup of coffee and add milk and creamer to it. For the first time ever, I was feeling nervous and awkward around Benji; kind of like a shy sixteen-year-old.
I could practically hear my heart thudding from within my chest in anticipation of what was to come. Would we fight for the first time? Would we let this get the best of us and never be the same again?
Oh, God. Have I done? I shouldn't be here. I don't want to fight with Benji, not if its not crazy makeup sex, and I doubt he wants to either. I wanted more than anything for him to smile at me again, but that would be hard, considering I hurt him only five days prior.
What was I even doing here? I was a runner, a free-spirit. I was a wild soul unable to be tamed or tied down, or at least I wasn't supposed to be. Its why I always ran from the best things in life; all of them wanted to pull me into captivity, and I just wasn't ready for that. While I did have strong feelings for Benji and may have wondered quite a few times if I loved him, it was the thought of what those three words could do to my life that scared me.
Maybe spending most of life with mainly guys screwed with my mind, but I could honestly understand why those three words scared the male species so much. With those eight letters came great expectations. They were the start of the infamous domino effect in which your whole world could change. That was scary, especially when everything is going just the way you want it to.
"Here," I looked up to see Benji holding a steaming cup of coffee. Grabbing the hot mug from him, I mumbled a soft thanks as he walked back over to the counter, this time sitting so he could face me. He ran a tattooed hand over his face, using the other one to gesture towards the seat across from him.
I shuffled over to the suggested seat, placing my arms on the table to hold onto my mug of coffee. I was so nervous right now I could feel my mouth drying up. "What," I licked my lips, shifting in my seat nervously. "What am I doing here?"
He sighed, looking at me with those light brown eyes of his. "You were pretty hammered last night." He mumbled, taking a sip of his coffee. "Shads called me to come get you, saying shit about how we needed to talk and work our problems out." He then let a deep chuckle sound from within his throat. "I never knew you could be so crazy, babe."
"Oh, no," I groaned, looking down at my hands. "What did I do?"
"Well, for starters, you woke up mumbling some things about you being a princess and then, you just started taking your clothes before we even got inside my house." He shook his head with a grin. "You don't know how hard it was to restrain myself from bending you over this counter last night, especially with you rubbing up against me in nothing but sexy lingerie. God, I wanted to fuck you so bad, Kimmy." Then, the smile faded with his next words. "Even when you hurt me, I can't stop thinking about you."
"Benji, I,"
"No, Kimmy, I love you." He insisted. "I know that's scary for you to hear, but it is just as scary for me to feel and say. I've never felt this way before, and the other day when you ran from me, I just said the first thing that came to mind that would hurt you. You're not a home-wrecking slut." He grabbed my hands in his bigger ones. "You're . . . "
"Benji, stop." I chuckled, causing him to give me a worried look. "I love you too, okay? It took me doing without you for a few days to realize that I don't want to ever do without you again. You make me happy, Benji, happier than anyone ever has. You make me feel sixteen again, and I don't ever want that feeling to stop. Your touch drives me insane like no other, Benji. You give me butterflies -- do you know how long it's been since I've gotten butterflies?" I murmured, grinning at him. "I love you, Benjamin Madden."
He grinned at me. "God, Kimmy, you don't know how happy I am to hear that!" He exclaimed. "I fucking love you."
Peering up at him through my eyelashes, I found myself smirking. "Show me," I commanded, huskily. "Show me how much you love me, baby."
Dressed in one of his button up shirts, my best features were barely concealed under the thin fabric, covering up my black lingerie. Benji wasted no time in getting out of his chair. In the blink of an eye, he had me thrown over his shoulder and was racing up the stairs to his bedroom.
Sliding from the bed I was on, I ran a hand through my hair to flatten whatever bed hair I had as I walked out of the room. The hallway was quiet and familiar, but my drowsy mind couldn't process why as I passed picture after picture, not even daring to stop and look at them.
My brain was fuzzy and despite not being hungover, I still felt like shit. My thought process was currently stuck on the "what the hell?"-level, refusing to allow me the ability to remember what happened the night before. I faintly remember ordering shots and then downing them with Jimmy, but after that, its all one big blur. I couldn't remember a fucking thing, and I hated that. Damn me and my uncanny ability to drink until I pass out. I could be at some rapist's house and not even know it! Though, I doubt that's the case, seeing as I am somewhat familiar with this hallway.
As I came upon the end of the hallway, where my trek turned to stairs, I could hear voices talking nearby. Curious, I gripped the banister to my right like my life depended on it and descended down the stairs one step at a time. I was never very graceful, even sober or on high alert, so I was trying to be cautious in my drowsy stupor. It was embarrassing enough that I didn't know where I was or how I got here; I didn't need to make it worse by falling down the stairs.
When I stepped down from the last step onto the level ground, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. The voices got louder as I inched past the deserted living room, until finally I was at the door of the kitchen. The strong scent of coffee flowed to my nostrils like smoke from a cigarette, making me crave the dark caffeine. Maybe if I had some, I could wake up properly . . .
The two sitting at the counter were all too familiar for my liking. One of them had his back to me, but across from him, the other one looked back at me with dark eyes, stopping his words mid-sentence as he looked me over curiously.
"I guess I'll leave the two of you to talk, then." He slid out from behind the counter effortlessly, but it was his brother who grabbed my attention as he turned in his seat to face me. I nearly cringed when Benji turned to me with anything but a smile on his face.
Joel pulled me to him just as he was leaving the room. "You look like shit, babe." He stated loud enough for his brother to hear. Then, he pulled me even closer to whisper in my ear. "Don't hurt him," He placed a brotherly kiss on my forehead before maneuvering past me to leave through the front door.
Benji got up from his seat, heading over to the coffee pot with tense shoulders and a heavy sigh. I didn't know what to say as I watched him pour a fresh cup of coffee and add milk and creamer to it. For the first time ever, I was feeling nervous and awkward around Benji; kind of like a shy sixteen-year-old.
I could practically hear my heart thudding from within my chest in anticipation of what was to come. Would we fight for the first time? Would we let this get the best of us and never be the same again?
Oh, God. Have I done? I shouldn't be here. I don't want to fight with Benji, not if its not crazy makeup sex, and I doubt he wants to either. I wanted more than anything for him to smile at me again, but that would be hard, considering I hurt him only five days prior.
What was I even doing here? I was a runner, a free-spirit. I was a wild soul unable to be tamed or tied down, or at least I wasn't supposed to be. Its why I always ran from the best things in life; all of them wanted to pull me into captivity, and I just wasn't ready for that. While I did have strong feelings for Benji and may have wondered quite a few times if I loved him, it was the thought of what those three words could do to my life that scared me.
Maybe spending most of life with mainly guys screwed with my mind, but I could honestly understand why those three words scared the male species so much. With those eight letters came great expectations. They were the start of the infamous domino effect in which your whole world could change. That was scary, especially when everything is going just the way you want it to.
"Here," I looked up to see Benji holding a steaming cup of coffee. Grabbing the hot mug from him, I mumbled a soft thanks as he walked back over to the counter, this time sitting so he could face me. He ran a tattooed hand over his face, using the other one to gesture towards the seat across from him.
I shuffled over to the suggested seat, placing my arms on the table to hold onto my mug of coffee. I was so nervous right now I could feel my mouth drying up. "What," I licked my lips, shifting in my seat nervously. "What am I doing here?"
He sighed, looking at me with those light brown eyes of his. "You were pretty hammered last night." He mumbled, taking a sip of his coffee. "Shads called me to come get you, saying shit about how we needed to talk and work our problems out." He then let a deep chuckle sound from within his throat. "I never knew you could be so crazy, babe."
"Oh, no," I groaned, looking down at my hands. "What did I do?"
"Well, for starters, you woke up mumbling some things about you being a princess and then, you just started taking your clothes before we even got inside my house." He shook his head with a grin. "You don't know how hard it was to restrain myself from bending you over this counter last night, especially with you rubbing up against me in nothing but sexy lingerie. God, I wanted to fuck you so bad, Kimmy." Then, the smile faded with his next words. "Even when you hurt me, I can't stop thinking about you."
"Benji, I,"
"No, Kimmy, I love you." He insisted. "I know that's scary for you to hear, but it is just as scary for me to feel and say. I've never felt this way before, and the other day when you ran from me, I just said the first thing that came to mind that would hurt you. You're not a home-wrecking slut." He grabbed my hands in his bigger ones. "You're . . . "
"Benji, stop." I chuckled, causing him to give me a worried look. "I love you too, okay? It took me doing without you for a few days to realize that I don't want to ever do without you again. You make me happy, Benji, happier than anyone ever has. You make me feel sixteen again, and I don't ever want that feeling to stop. Your touch drives me insane like no other, Benji. You give me butterflies -- do you know how long it's been since I've gotten butterflies?" I murmured, grinning at him. "I love you, Benjamin Madden."
He grinned at me. "God, Kimmy, you don't know how happy I am to hear that!" He exclaimed. "I fucking love you."
Peering up at him through my eyelashes, I found myself smirking. "Show me," I commanded, huskily. "Show me how much you love me, baby."
Dressed in one of his button up shirts, my best features were barely concealed under the thin fabric, covering up my black lingerie. Benji wasted no time in getting out of his chair. In the blink of an eye, he had me thrown over his shoulder and was racing up the stairs to his bedroom.