Release Me, so I Can Convince Myself That I'm Better off Without You

“Oh, that was good.” I breathed pulling the sheet up to cover my chest. “Maybe I should be naughty more often.”

Benji lay next to me, panting, with the sheet up to his waist. “I always did love a naughty girl.” He smirked at me.

“Is it because you’re a naughty boy, too?” I was on my side, facing him, with my head propped up on my hand. I smirked at him as I traced patterns on his chest.

“Nope, naughty girls just know how to have more fun.” He chuckled.

“Of course we do,” I smiled, leaning over to place a kiss on his lips. I felt his lips form a smile as he pulled me closer to deepen the kiss.

Not very many people know it, but Benji is a romancer. In fact, he is the most romantic boyfriend I’ve had in a long time, and that’s saying something considering I’ve dated most of the Avenged boys (minus Johnny) and other more known romantics.

Our moment was ruined by none other than Joel Rueben Combs Madden, who decided to poke his head in the doorway and clear his throat. “When the two of you are finished, get dressed. We have a party to attend.”

I pulled away from Benji with a roll of my eyes. “Sure thing, Joel, your brother wore me out anyway. I doubt I could survive through round five."

Benji laughed as his brother shuddered. Joel hated when I talked about having sex with Benji. That’s why I always tell him, though.

“You love it, Joel Madden.” I chuckled, heading to the bathroom wrapped up in a black sheet. Shutting the door behind me, I let the sheet fall from my body, only to land in a pile at my feet. Once I had the shower water adjusted to the right temperature, I stepped inside of the steam box I called my shower.

Halfway through the shower, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. Benji was behind me and I could feel the stubble on his chin as he placed small kisses on my bare skin. I couldn’t help but smile as he pulled me closer.

There was something about Benji that made me feel like a little girl again; sort of like I was a giddy 16-year-old with a crush. When he looks at me, it’s like I know what he’s thinking; like I can read his mind or something. Sometimes, I think we’re connected in some way. His touch sends a jolt of electricity through my body that—for lack of a better phrase—kick starts my heart. The whole thing was confusing to me.

Did I love Benji?

I asked myself that question quite frequently, but I still don’t know the answer. Were these feelings meant to tell me that I love him? I just didn’t know which is why I did my best to just not over-analyze it all. What Benji and I have—whatever it may be—is special. I refuse to ruin that by assuming there is something when there may possibly not be. I won’t make that mistake again; I won’t let myself experience that dreadful feeling of immense heartbreak. I don’t want to feel so immensely crushed ever again. My heart can’t take that; I won’t allow it.

As Benji continued to kiss and hold me, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. Benji just has that ability to make anyone feel special. He has those eyes—those sexy brown eyes that look into your soul. It’s how he always knows when something is wrong.

“Come on, Benji,” I chuckled, pulling away from him. “We better get dressed before your brother starts throwing a fit that we’re late.”

“Heaven forbid Joel’s late to a party,” He replied with a roll of his eyes. The two of us finished washing up, then got out of the shower and started getting ready.

Looking through my closet, I came across the perfect party dress. It was kind of short, barely reaching the mid-thigh mark, with an extremely low neckline that reached below my cleavage. It was form-fitting and body-hugging in all the right places. It was a sexy dress that I loved, as I’m sure Benji will as well. I grabbed a pair of black, platform patent heels from my closet and slipped them on. Not needing anything else from the closet, I left the bedroom-sized space filled with clothes.

Benji was just buttoning his pants, a pair of dark wash jeans, when I walked out of the closet. I watched his face as his eyes traveled my body; first down, then up, and down again. Finally, after several seconds, our eyes met and his lips tilted up into a smirk.

“Jesus, Kimber, you’re so tempting.” He groaned, pulling a studded belt through the loops of his pants.

“Don’t worry; you’re the only one that can touch.” I chuckled as I walked into the bathroom.

“Damn straight!” I heard him exclaim as I got the curling iron plugged into the outlet above the sink. While I was waiting for the curler to heat up, I began putting on my makeup. First, I applied smoky eye shadow, followed by eyeliner, mascara, and red lipstick. The curler beeped just as I finished doing my makeup. I began curling my hair, sections at a time so that my hair was good and curled. When I was finished, I stepped back from the sink to check my appearance.

My blue eyes were brightened by the smoky eye shadow above them and the mascara around them. My hair was shorter, reaching above my shoulders in length because of the tight curls. I was looking pretty good if I do say so myself.

“Benj, baby, do I look okay?” I asked as I stepped out of the bathroom. He was just pulling on a jacket over his black DCMA t-shirt when I stepped in the room. He had a cap sitting crooked—kind of to the side—on his head and his lip rings were in again, which made me smile. I love Benji’s lip piercings.

“You look way better than okay, Kimber.” He stated, looking me up and down as I leaned against the wall. “I swear if Joel wasn’t in the next room, I’d bone you.”

“Don’t worry, we can have round five later tonight.” I smirked at him as his eyes grew darker. I always could tell what he was feeling just by the emotion in his eyes. When he’s sad, they turn a lighter color. When he’s laughing or smiling, his eyes get this sparkle in them that is just amazing. When angry, that sparkle fades absolutely and his eyes go cold. I love Benji’s brown eyes most when they’re overcome by lust; they darken while still maintaining a shine to them. They’re gorgeous when they are dark and lust-filled, but I love them even when they aren’t overcome with lust.

“Come on, we got to go.” He shook his head to get rid of what I’m sure were dirty thoughts. When he looked back up, I was slightly disappointed to see the dark chocolate replaced by the original milk chocolate color.

I grabbed my purse and left the room with Benji’s hand intertwined with mine. Joel was sitting on the couch in my living room, texting on his phone. He looked up when he heard us coming down the stairs and smirked at me, knowingly.

“You’re so gonna start a fight tonight, Kimmy, especially with that dress being so revealing.” He told me.

“And I’m okay with that, Joel, baby,” I stated, truthfully. “If you got it, flaunt it.”

“And she’s got it!” Benji laughed, slapping my ass.

As him and Joel laughed, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Guys were so typical! Boobs and booties; the two most important B’s in their vocabulary.



An hour into the party, I was standing in a corner with Benji and some of his friends. There was Joel and Billy Martin on the other side of Benji. Pierre Bouvier and Sebastian-something or another of Simple Plan were across from us, and their bassist David Desrosiers, was next to me. There weren’t any girls in the group besides me, but I was fine with that. Most girls didn’t like me.

Anyway, I was standing next to Benji, with my arm around his back, when I felt someone tap my shoulder to get my attention. Curious, I turned around to see Miranda Belle standing there with her hip cocked to the side, a hand on that hip.

“Oh, Miranda . . . hey . . . You look . . . nice.” I stated, smiling sweetly. Being nice to Miranda Belle made me want to throw up, but we were in public so I told myself to behave. I hated the slut with a passion, especially after I caught her with Zacky five months ago. This was a party, though, so I wasn’t about to make a scene; I have more class than that.

“Oh whatever, Kimberlyn,” She rolled her eyes at me before continuing on to what she had to say. “Look, I just wanted to let you know that the dress you are wearing does nothing but make you look like a whore.”

My reaction was one that I’m sure people thought I was insane for having done. I laughed. Not a ‘funny joke’ laugh but more of a chuckle kind of.

“Thanks, Mira. You’re so sweet for telling me I’m one level above you. I appreciate it. Now, if you’ll excuse me please, I’ve got a party to enjoy.” With that said I sent her a smile and walked off hand in hand with Benji to get a drink.

It was at the drink table, though, that I managed to find the one person I never wanted to see again. Of course, his band mates just so happened to be by him, too.

Not wanting to make a big deal out of seeing him them, I walked over with Benji like it was nothing big seeing them there. I saw them look up at the sight of Benji and me walking together, holding hands.

“Kimmy?” I turned my head to the left a little to see Johnny smiling at me.

“Oh, hey JC,” I laughed. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much, Kimmy,” He smiled. “Wow. The guys told me you changed a lot. They even said you went blonde, but I couldn’t believe it.”

“Yeah, I needed a change after everything that happened.” I nodded. “Anyways, you know Benji right?”

“Sure do,” He smirked. “What’s up, Madden? Taking my girl Kimber here for a test drive?”

“Nah, this car has already left the dealership, JC.”

“So, how long have the two of you been dating, Kimberly?” Brian asked from next to Zacky.

“Four and a half months,” I answered, smiling at Benji. Brian was just getting started, though, I could tell. His favorite thing was to interrogate people, especially guys I liked. It was annoying in every way possible, but he wouldn’t stop until satisfied.

“How did you meet?” This time, Dara was joining in on the interrogation. She was just like her boyfriend at times. Her signature smile—sparkling eyes and everything—was the opposite of her boyfriend’s grimace and hard exterior.

“At one of his concerts,” I answered, snuggling into Benji’s side.

Benji, who smiled and pulled me closer, even added detail to my statement. He was a definite pro at this. “Kimmy was taking pictures for the magazine.” He then looked at me with a smirk on his face. “She’s so talented. . .”

I knew the last few words “in more ways than one” would have been added had Brian, Matt, and Zacky not been shooting invisible death rays in our direction.

Ugh, boys!

I hated when the Avenged boys acted like this. It was like they thought they owned me or something.

Tired of being interrogated like a school girl bringing home her first date, I turned to Zacky and decided to ask him a question. “So, Zachary, how’s things with Mirabelle? “ I watched as he cringed at the sound of his full name and the green in his eyes changed color at the slut’s name. “I saw her just a few minutes ago. I think she was trying to insult me or something.”

“Dude, Zacky V’s dating that redhead that called you a whore?” Benji asked, feigning shock at the news.

“That’s what she’s telling everyone,” I smirked. “Maybe he can clear it up for us,”

Zack’s eyes hardened into fine green pupils that glared straight at me. “I’m not dating your sister, Kimberlyn!”

My eyes narrowed into slits as I took a step forward. “No, but you screwed her good and hard, didn’t you?” When he didn’t reply, I laughed in his face. “That’s what I thought.”

Smirking at Zacky, I turned to his band mates with the same expression. “Cool your roll, boys. The party is just getting started.” Turning to Benji, I pulled him closer by the neck of his t-shirt until his body was flush with mine. “Let’s go outside for a bit, hm?”

Benji smirked, playing along. “Anything for you, babe,” Then, for an added bonus, he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me so that our lips met. I felt that familiar fire inside my lower body ignite and start to spread like wildfire. Oh, the things Benji Madden could do to me.

Pulling away from Benji, I smiled cheekily up at him. “Well, now I’m thirsty!” I laughed. “Be right back” I sashayed over to the bar where a baby-faced man was serving alcoholic beverages to guests. Climbing up on one of the stools, I called him over with a flutter of my lashes and ordered a Jack & Coke and Benji’s usual.

Pierre Bouvier climbed upon the stool next to me as I was waiting for the drinks. “So, you and Benji huh . . . ?” Turning to look at him, I noticed the curiosity in his eyes. He was rather good-looking with brown, shaggy hair and warm eyes. He had an innocent smile that hinted at his knack for mischief. He was cute—just not my type.

“What about Benji and me?” I questioned curiously, as baby-face placed my drinks in front of me on the bar.

“You don’t seem like his type. You’re not like the girls he usually dates. What I mean is you’re not–”

“Fake?” He looked surprised at me being able to finish his sentence. “I’ve been told that plenty of times to know when someone new is about to say it.” Taking a sip of my Jack & Coke, I turned around in my seat with my back against the bar. “I’ve never exactly been most guys’ usual type. I guess I’m more of an unusual type that guys go for on a whim of spontaneous energy.”

Pierre smiled from his spot next to me. “You’re okay for an unusual type, Kimber.”

Smiling at him, I replied, “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m amazing, dear Pierre.”

“And full of yourself,” He chuckled.