12 Bullets to the Head

The next day, Aiden woke to someone knocking on the door loudly. He blinked and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Slowly, pulling the covers off of himself, he walking to the door. Yawning again, he opened the door and rolled his eyes at the two standing there. He stepped aside and let them both enter.

"Is Levi up?" Brenden asked, walking down the short hall. "James called to tell us that our flight has been rescheduled for one."

Levi opened the bathroom door and almost ran into Ryan. "What? Why?" he asked, obviously overhearing Brenden.

"We have some press, I guess," Ryan tentatively said.

Aiden yawned again and sat on the edge of his bed. He suddenly stood and bent over his suitcase, pulling the days clothes out.

"What are we going to do for two hours?" Levi asked, putting everything back in his suitcase.

"Well, I wanna take a shower," Aiden said, walking into the bathroom and placing his clothes on the counter. "Have you guys had breakfast?"

A chorus of negative answers reached his ears. Someone suggested that they should just go downstairs and eat at the hotels restaurant. Aiden voiced his approval as he closed the door and turned the faucet on. He felt the water and adjusted it so the temperature was perfect. He undressed and stepped into the spray. As he brought his hands up to run his fingers through his hair to wet the locks better, he caught site of a scar. The scar of his sin, his wrong doing and the mark that lets the bad in.

No, Aiden thought. I don't need him. I don't need someone to tell me what's right.

While Aiden was showering, the other three sat on the beds and flipped through the channels. They depressingly changed them, stopping every few seconds to see the show. The only thing that interested them was the Weather Channel, which told them that the weather was going to be wet during their Alabama concert.

"Let's hope it's an indoor concert," Brenden expressed. "I hate preforming in the rain."

"You?" Ryan gaped, feeling as if he should be talking with him. "You're the one under the canopy. We have to be the ones hit the elements!"

Just as it came out of his mouth, he regretted saying it. This was just another thing that could make Brenden hate him.

"I get hit with rain too, ya know!" Brenden faked hurt.

"Sorry," Ryan immediately apologized, looking down at the sheets.

Brenden looked at his oddly, wondering why he was apologizing for joking. He couldn't see why he would feel like he needed to, unless he truly felt like he didn't do his job in the band. No, he couldn't be mad at him for that, right?

"What's wrong?" Brenden asked, looking at Ryan laying on the other bed. "You don't need to say you're sorry. I know you were joking, Ry."

Ryan didn't answer, he just kept looking down at the bed with a sad look. He messed up, big time. He really shouldn' t have said that. But, Brenden said his nickname instead of his full name, so that could mean that Brenden wasn't mad at him, right?

Luckily, Aiden walked out of the bathroom at that moment, saving Ryan from having to respond to Brenden.

A fortnight later, the tour was in full force. 12 Bullets were soaking up all of the energy from the fans at shows, sitting outside after most shows to talk to anyone that wanted to meet them, playing games to pass the time on the bus or just hanging out with each other and having a good time.

"Goodnight, Denver!" Aiden screamed into the mic as the last notes of I Wish rang through the air, becoming a mixed blur of noise once the fans began screaming. Aiden, Ryan, Levi and Brenden ran off the stage to be greeted by guitar techs that took Ryan and Levi's guitars from them. Then, with Brenden leading, they made their way through the backstage area, toward their dressing room.

Aiden hurried over to his trunk that had all of his stage clothes in it and began to strip down to his boxers before grabbing his street clothes (black jeans and a Metallica shirt). This venue that locker room showers in the back, so Aiden was going to take advantage of that with the others. He walked back into the showers, the cool tile chilling his feet as he searched from the shower that was closed off by itself. There was always one.

He found it and quickly took a shower and changed into his clothes after hastily drying off. The shorter that he was naked the more comfortable he felt. He walked out of the showers, not looking at his band-mates who were easily showering next to one another, though Ryan seemed to be standing a bit farther from Brenden.

Aiden walked to the vanity and began to pack his make-up away, making sure he had it all. He glanced up at himself in the mirror. His face was slightly wet from the shower, his hair was sticking to the sides of his pale face, his blue-gray eyes that held so many lies, the way his face was thin and fragile looking as if someone was to touch it the skin would shatter into a million tiny pieces like a porcelain doll dropping on the floor.

Aiden sighed and tried to think about something positive, but all that came to mind was his flaws. How he was too fat; how he could lose just five more pounds to be perfect; how he could try to watch what he ate; how he could just be more like everyone else (skinny and perfect in almost every way).

"You know Aiden, I'm envious of you're body. I would do anything to be like you," Brenden remarked when he saw the look in Aiden's eyes in the mirror.

Brenden knew for a long time that Aiden didn't like the way he looked. Aiden didn't understand why everyone 'loved' him or kept saying that he looked great. In his opinion, which he told Brenden often, he looked fat. He wasn't the role model.

"Don't lie," said Aiden. "I know you're just saying that to make me feel better. It won't work this time."

"I'm not lying to you. I'm telling you the truth. Many people look up to you, Aiden."

"Why? Why would they look up to me?" Aiden asked, facing Brenden. "I'm just a kid that got a lucky chance to do what I wanted and because of that, I'm some fucking role model?"

Brenden didn't say anything, he just stood there, staring at Aiden. Brenden knew Aiden was under a lot of pressure, but his didn't realized how much of it was placed on Aiden just because he was the lead singer. He wanted to protect Aiden like the older brother.

"I just want to be like everyone else. I'm not some super-human-thing. I am normal," Aiden shook slightly.

"Aiden," Brenden quietly sympathized. "I know what you're going through. I was in you're place once, too. It'll get betting in a bit."

"I don't know if I can handle 'a bit'."

When Aiden said that, Brenden was shown how vulnerable Aiden was. He took notice at how weak Aiden was standing in front of him shaking and looking up at him for a reaction, his eyes pleading to be excepted for him and not for being the lead singer of 12 Bullets To The Head. Out of instinct, Brenden gave Aiden a hug, which was gladly excepted and returned. The two stayed hugging in the middle of the dressing room until James was telling them that they should get going because they had a long drive to Salt Lake City, Utah.

That night on the bus, Brenden and Ryan slipped off to the bunks immediately, but Aiden and Levi stayed up. Aiden just couldn't sleep. He was thinking... about everything. Things that had happened and going through situations in the past in his head. He kept going back to Projekt Revolution, their first major tour, back in 2006 just after the release of their first album. He had the best time of his life on that tour, even found love in his best friend, Samantha Lyken. Of course, when they broke up, they stayed as close as ever. Aiden still had feelings for her, they just wouldn't go away, but his girlfriend, Avalon, couldn't know that. She would flip out over it.

But, they broke up and Aiden got back together with Avalon, who he was still with. She hadn't called him since the time before the show and whenever he tried to call her phone was off. Sam had called him every two or three days, though. She was on tour herself so she called whenever she had time and she made sure to give it time between calls for something good to happen. But even if nothing happened, they still had thousands of things to talk about, they almost never ran out of something to say. Another thing that pissed Avalon off.

"I'm going' to bed," Levi announced quietly as he walked off into the bunks.

Aiden pulled out his journal out and opened it to a blank page. He began writing with the black pen that was lying on the floor. He wrote about everything from his concerns about Avalon to how the shows were going to how Sam and Mardella were. He poured his heart and soul out onto the paper once again, finally feeling a bit of relief from holding it in. He wrote that Ryan was acting a bit odd lately and that something was wrong, but he wouldn't say. He even admitted that he'd been having those thoughts again. Ever since he looked at the scars, he was back.