12 Bullets to the Head

The next day, both bands arrived nice and early in Las Vegas. They would play the House of Blues that day at mid-day and because of that, they had to rise earlier that usual to preform. Aiden had thought about telling his band mates all night, but in the morning when he planned on telling them, he chickened out and ended up staying silent for most of the time they were together. Levi and Brenden were absorbed in a conversation about a new song they were working on and Ryan had yet to leave his bunk.

Aiden found it his job to walk back and shake the sleeping boy. He did so cautiously, hoping Ryan wouldn't be to mad at him. But Ryan didn't seem to even want to get up, Aiden didn't blame him. Ryan groaned and turned to him, giving up and letting Aiden see the tear stains on his cheeks, his red eyes and the pain he was in. Aiden didn't even ask Ryan what was wrong. He pulled his band mate into his arms, holding him close as a new wave of sobs crashed over Ryan.

Ryan clung to Aiden, letting all of the pent up emotions spill out onto Aiden's shirt. His hands held his face as he curled into a ball on the bed, pulling Aiden with him. Aiden lay next to him, softly rocking him back and forth. Aiden didn't know what to say to comfort him, so he just let Ryan cry into him. He smoothed out Ryan's messy black hair, as his tears soaked his shirt.

"He...." Ryan sobbed. "I-I..."

"Shh," Aiden whispered. "Take your time, Ryan..."

Ryan sniffed, pulling his head away from Aiden's chest. He looked at Aiden with blood shot green eyes, looking for understatement. He wanted someone to understand that he couldn't help the way he felt. That he couldn't deny any longer that he was falling for his band mate, his 'brother' and his best friend, Brenden Amadeus Calder.

Ryan looked down, mumbling to Aiden his guilty confession. Aiden couldn't hear what Ryan said because of his downcast gaze. He asked Ryan gently if he could repeat it.

"I-I'm in love with Bren," Ryan spat out, another round of sobs racking his body. Aiden pulled him close once again, trying to calm him down enough to console him. "I d-d-don't know wh-why..." he blubbered.

"Shh, Ryan. It's okay," Aiden comforted. "It's not wrong that you like him."

Aiden was being completely honest. Although Brenden was more of a brother to him than anyone else in the band, he didn't even think twice about how awkward it could be if they started dating. He knew, though, that nothing would change in the relationships they all held, even if one dated the other. And he expressed that view to Ryan, telling him that their family would accept it and not to even dwell on the negative side of this. Ryan smiled at him, thanking him as he dried his tears. He really appreciated Aiden being their for him and understanding without a second thought.

Aiden helped Ryan out of his bunk and walked back out to talk with Levi, leaving Ryan alone to think on their conversation and get ready for the day. Ryan did indeed think about what Aiden had told him. His feelings toward Brenden weren't wrong like he thought. They were normal, but Ryan still couldn't help but think that if he talked with Brenden about this, things would become more difficult between them. After all, when Brenden had talked to him last night after the show, things only became harder for Ryan. He never asked the right questions. In fact, Brenden thought he was mad at him for something he subconsciously did. Ryan couldn't answer him though, afraid that he would let something slip and ruin everything. But, stay quiet and frustrating Brenden didn't help either. It only caused the two of them to hurt when the phone call interrupted the conversation as it finally started to get closer to why Ryan was acting like he was.

It didn't help that Brenden told her he loved her, either.

At eleven the two bands were inside the House of Blue, getting ready for their show. Devten was on stage doing a brief sound check as 12 Bullets hung out backstage, relaxing before their own sound check. Aiden was laying on the cool floor of the dressing room, his cell being held above his face as he texted Avalon. Ryan was pacing, his nerves getting the best of him, both about the show and thinking about what Brenden might do if he found out.

Brenden was quietly talking on the phone with his girlfriend in a plush leather chair. Levi was reading a magazine, flipping the pages every once in a while. Ryan soon gave up pacing in the silent room and picked up his guitar. he sat in a corner, his back facing the room as he lightly began to strum the cords. He soon picked up rhythm, playing a slow tune. closing his eyes and moving slightly, he let the music capture him and take him to a different world.

Aiden moved his head to the side resting his cheek on the cool carpet, looking at Ryan's back. Furrowing his brows he listened to the music coming from the corner. He shut him phone letting his arms drop to his sides as he rolled onto his front, lifting himself onto his knees.

Ryan continued to play the new tune that came to him in that moment. He let all his confusing emotions pour out his fingers onto the strings. He lost himself in the melodic notes, forgetting that he was sitting in the corner of the dressing room with his band mates and love behind him. Nothing mattered here; not who you loved, you're sexuality, who you were or even what you were labeled as. All that matter was the music pouring out of your very soul.

Aiden closed his eyes, letting himself be absorbed, also. The feeling that flooded his every pore was indescribable. He was experiencing so many things at once, it almost seemed impossible. The song was almost melancholy but sweet.

Ryan stopped playing, a small tear drop landing on his guitar. Aiden crawled across the floor to him, slowly wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Ryan hugged Aiden back, softly whispering to him that Brenden wouldn't ever like him... ever.

That afternoon, 12 Bullets took the stage, notably less energetic than usual due to the comber moods amongst them. Aiden, though, had more energy to release than the others as he bounded onto the stage.

"Good... afternoon!" Aiden yelled to the audience as he stood on the monitor in front of his mic stand. "How ya doin' this early, early day?" Screams were the response. "Good, good... did you all like Devten as much as we do?" More screams. With that, they launched into their first song of the... afternoon.

Aiden smiled weakly as the first notes of I Need You (Here) began. Ryan strummed his guitar once, sending screams through the crowd.

"What you said
I never knew you'd actually do it
But not that you did
You have fucking blew it
Now you're in this place
and I can't even see your face
and all I can say is..."

The venue exploded with screams as he began the song. Soon after the fourth line, Ryan, Levi and Brenden came in with their parts. As Aiden began the chorus, the fan screamed his own lyrics back to him.

"I WISH YOU WERE HERE!
With every tear
I feel the fear
Running down my fucking face
I wish you were here..."

Aiden walked over to the edge of the stage, bending down as he sang to touch a few of the fans' outstretched hands. They screamed loudly as his hand touched theirs. it was like they had just touched God. Aiden smiled and winked at a few girls in the front row before moving over to Ryan and standing next to him as he played. He slung his arm over Ryan's shoulder as Ryan leaned against him, producing a roar from the fans. Ryan looked at him, silently thanking him for the help earlier.

The fans screamed once again as flashes from camera's came through the stage lights to the two band mates. Aiden grinned mischievously as the next verse came up.

"What I thought...
I thought you could be strong
I can't believe
But I was wrong
You could have come to me
I would have helped you through
But you didn't
And now all that I knew is..."

Aiden never realized as he sung each line that one day this song would hurt so bad because every line it it would be true. But not in the sense that Aiden wasn't able to see his girlfriend because of the tour.

"I WISH YOU WERE HERE!
With every tear
I feel the fear
Running down my fucking face
I wish you were here..."

At this point, Aiden was on the verge of tears. he didn't know why but this song, and only this song, got to him. It was so emotional and it hurt him to sing sometimes. In that moment, a rush of sorrow flooded him. He missed Avalon, he missed Ma and her cooking, the room her shared with Brenden, the warm bed and the homely feel of that red house in the country.

Brenden stopped drumming as the hardest point in the song came. Ryan played this simple rift that was so sweet and perfect for this part. Levi stepped up on a monitor as he interacted with the crowd. Aiden stepped up onto one, also, looking out into the mass of fans. He smiled at them all. He took a deep breath and screamed into the mis, using all of his energy, bending over slightly as he screamed the lines.

"I will see you again
Not too far from now
But my worst fear...
WILL STILL BE HERE
What if...
What if you try?
What if you try again?
What if you take your life?
I want you to know
If you do...
I will take mine too
JUST TO BE WITH YOU"

At this point the tears were slipping down his face and pain bounced around his stomach. Aiden couldn't help it. He was against suicide as he thought it was the most selfish thing someone could do. Did they even think of their family and friends and the pain that would be caused by the loss? Did they even think of the consequences that could happen if it all went wrong? If the bullet didn't blow you're brain apart, if the noose didn't slip in the right spot on you're neck, if the pills didn't kill you?

Brenden and Levi had began the rhythm of the song once again. Ryan did the a short guitar solo. The crowd screamed as Ryan stepped up next to Aiden. They began taking pictures once again and were screaming loudly.

Levi had a small vocal part during this song. The crowd waited in anticipation as he brought his mouth to the mic.

"Because I NEED YOU HERE
And with every tear
MY FEARS
Become so much more fucking clear."

Aiden joined him, screaming 'I NEED YOU HERE' and 'MY FEARS'. Brenden banged his drum sticks hard on his ton and cymbals as the song neared the end. Finally, after about two minutes and thirty-three seconds, it ended with Aiden screaming with the fans:

"I need you,
HERE!"

Aiden held the note as long as he could, putting every once of him into it. He needed to make the ending of this song good. It was the secret pact between Aiden and the fans; give the kids their money's worth, and more. The ending of this song always drained him, but he had plenty of energy. He knew that fans deserved to get what they deserved from them.

After the show that afternoon, both bands stayed around for a while to meet fans. Of course, that took up the better part of three hours, but every fan was so very thankful for the opportunity to meet them. Aiden gave out hug after hug to almost everyone, but he wasn't complaining one bit. He loved meeting the fans and here from them. If it wasn't for them, he wouldn't be there.

Once every fan got a picture with both bands, they planed to explore Vegan while they were staying there. Since every member in 12 Bullets were underage (Levi was had only eight more months) they couldn't do anything together that involved casinos or bars. No one in Devten would admit that they wished their tour mates were older, they found good friends in the younger band, even if they were ten years older. So once everyone had a shower, they boarded their respected bus and set off to the hotel that was right on 'The Strip'. Aiden gathered his things in a backpack as they'd only spend a night in the hotel, getting back on the bus tomorrow night for the show in Irvine, California with a day off. He made sure to grab his blanket, too. He could never sleep without it since Ma it to him.

"Aiden's taking his blankie too?" Levi teased in a baby voice.

"Yeah," Aiden shrugged, folding the patchwork blanket and placing it carefully in his backpack. "I always have it..." Aiden didn't even try to deny he was attached to it. After all, it was the one thing that could comfort him.

"Ruin all my fun, why don't ya," Levi sighed, pulling a hoodie on over his short sleeve. What better way to get it into the hotel than on his back?

Both bands and their luggage walked through the hotel's parking garage, talking about what they could do tomorrow. They had planned to go out to eat at The Hard Rock Cafe tonight then play games in the hotel rooms.

"So, we'll all meet in the lobby at... 5:30?" the dark-skinned singer of Devten asked. "I want to change into something much less.... hot."

"Sure," Levi agreed, wanting to take off his hoodie.

The lobby of the hotel was grand; the expansive ceiling towered three floors up with balcony type halls on those floors, large stone pillars seeming to hold up the second floor, elaborate plants and seating were scattered about and there was even a casino and bar on the left. Aiden was amazed at how massive the hotel was to even have it's own gift shop. He was stunned that hotels were built like this, having never been in a hotel like this.

A group of teenagers passed their group, talking adamantly to each other. Aiden noticed that two of them had on Devten shirts from the concert. As they passed, Aiden was surprised they didn't notice them as he caught part of their conversation.

"That was, by far, the best concert I've been to!" one girl said, smiling.

"I know! I couldn't believe how good Devten was live," a second said, sporting one of the concert tee's. "After what I've read online I was expecting something good, but nothing THAT good."

"And 12 Bullets!" A guy with short hair began. "Aiden was so..."

But Aiden couldn't hear what he was as they walked out of earshot. They made their way to an elevator and crammed them and their things into the compartment. Aiden was sharing a room with Brenden this time, putting Ryan and Levi in a room together. Aiden placed his bag next to a twin bed, looking at the room around them as Brenden closed the door. The room was just like the lobby, expensive but looking very comfortable. Nothing like home. He opened his backpack as Brenden set down his bag on the bed and pulled his phone from his pocket. Aiden pulled his blanket out and laid it out on the bed.

"Hey Baby," Brenden greeted his girlfriend quietly.

Aiden thought it odd that he was never told (nobody was told, actually) what her name was or anything about her. He never talked about her unless he needed to excuse himself when she called or he called her. It was Brenden's business, not his, but it still hurt that he couldn't even tell his own practically brother anything about her. For all he knew, Brenden could be dating a guy and they would never even know.

As Aiden opened a drawer in the bedside cabinet separating their beds, he wondered where their friendship had gone. Brenden had told him almost everything that was on his mind, not worried that Aiden would be hurt or anything by what he wanted to say. Of course, Aiden would listen and try to give him appropriate advice as much as he could if Brenden couldn't go to Ma for it. He missed that with him sometimes when they were on tour because Brenden tended to bottle things up on the road, only releasing it all when they were home.

Aiden pulled the Bible out of the drawer, running his hand over the worn leather cover. A cross was embedded into the cover. It was like the one Ma had, except the creases were in different spots from the different people pulling it out of the drawer to find forgiveness embedded in between the thin pages.

"I know, I know," Brenden was softly whispering into his cell, looking up at the ceiling as he laid sprawled out on the bed. "I miss you too."