12 Bullets to the Head

Everyone looked to the door. Brenden was standing in it, his phone in his hand and a worried expression on his face. He stepped inside farther and closed the door.

"I heard screaming..."

Ryan was on his feet, striding across the room in milliseconds. His finger was in Brenden's chest and was trying to become eye level with him as he was a good three inches taller.

"You!" Ryan spat. "I fucking hate you! That's what's goin' on!"

Brenden was bewildered. What the fuck was Ryan talking about? Brenden stood there looking at the teen, wondering why he hated him so much. Ryan glared up at him, a burning hatred in his eyes. It hurt to hold eye contact with just a powerful resentment. But what could he do?

Silence fell after those words. No one knew what to do. Not even Ryan, who had started this. No one knew if they should break the silence and end this or stand back and wait for it to unfold. Of course, after a minute, Brenden couldn't stop himself. He had to know.

"Why?"

The word seemed to reverberate throughout the still room, sounding much louder than intended. Ryan stood still, not actually knowing why he hated him with such a deep passion. His glare faded a little and this was what Brenden was looking for. He backed from Ryan, trying to comprehend the situation and figure out what to do. Of course, in the short amount of time, he couldn't seem to piece it together.

"You're an ignorant and arrogant little pick!" Ryan spat harshly, regretting the words as soon as they fell from his lips. "You sit there and talk to you're fucking' girlfriend and don't even notice! You fucking ask me what's wrong, but then you have the audacity to turn the fuck around and tell her that you love her and that you can't wait to see her! What the FUCK?"

Brenden was blown away. He hadn't expected THAT from Ryan, of all things. Aiden was stunned, staring wide-eyed from Ryan to Brenden waiting for the next verbal attack to come.

"What are you talking about?" Brenden tried the calm route. "Who said I have a girlfriend?"

"You did!" Ryan said, throwing his arms out as if he couldn't believe Brenden was that thick. "If it not your girlfriend, then who the fuck is it you love?"

"I did not! Levi, did I ever tell you that I had a girlfriend?" Brenden asked, his temper rising.

"I just assumed..." Levi trailed.

"Aiden!?" Brenden turned to him with a questioning look.

Aiden didn't know what to say, though. Brenden never did tell him he had a girlfriend. But who was Ryan talking about then? "Um... I-no.."

"See? Who fucking' said I had a girlfriend!?" Brenden countered at Ryan.

"Who were you talking to then?" Ryan asked, crossing his arms and looking at Brenden as if he trapped him in a corner with a lie. "Huh?"

"Alex..." Brenden paused, sighing and running his hands through his hair, afraid how his band mates would take the news. "My... boyfriend..."

Ryan's jaw dropped. He was NOT expecting that. He was, like Aiden and Levi, shocked at this news. Not one of them thought that Brenden was like that. Although Ryan was shocked and at a loss for words, he was also dancing in side, secretly yelling and jumping for joy. Brenden was gay! He had a greater chance of dating him!

"What!?" Levi gasped, his mouth agape. "You're... gay?"

"Yeah..." he whispered. "I figured you guys knew. I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?"

"Holy shit..." Ryan breathed. "No way... Oh, fucking' shit..."

Although he was happy, he was also brought down a notch. If Brenden was gay, that meant he didn't like him enough to want to date him. He now saw that he was the same chance of dating Brenden as he did before at this realization. Brenden still wouldn't like him, no matter what.

That feeling crept through Ryan again, engulfing his whole body quickly. His eyes prickled and his nose began to run again. He wiped it on the back of his hand and let out a big whoosh of air, walking past Brenden. He tried not to let the notion take over. He had enough of it, he was sick of crying. Looking up at the ceiling, he tried to blink back the tears and stop them from running down his face. He was overcome by such a strong feeling of sorrow that he wasn't sure where it was coming from, exactly.

Was it because he knew that this crush would have to die without getting a chance to thrive a possibly grow into something more? Or was it just knowing that Brenden didn't think of him the way he thought of him? He wasn't sure what it was, but the thoughts were strong and inevitable. He wasn't supposed to be with him, ever. They were only meant as band mate, friends. Nothing more... maybe everything less.

"Ry..." Brenden wanted to ask what was going on inside his head, but was afraid he would blow up again and possibly do something regrettable.

At that moment, Aiden jumped as a shrill ring came from his hand and vibrated. His phone. He looked down at the device in his hand and smiled slightly, despite the situation. Ma. He excused himself and walked back into his and Brenden's room to take the call... and hopefully ask Ma for some help.

But as he did so, Brenden and Ryan were figuring the whole issue out themselves while Levi stood nervously near the bed. He watched as Brenden comforted Ryan and got him to calm down enough to be able to breath. Of course, Levi was shocked by the sudden news from Brenden. He wasn't sure if he should be grossed out by the fact that he'd toured and slept next to him or just accept it. But like anyone else, he wondered if Brenden had liked him at some point.

But even while Levi was having inner battles, Ryan was too. But his were full of self pity and hatred. He hated Brenden because he knew now that he could have him. Even as Brenden tried to calm him, telling him that he was sorry for whatever Ryan was going through and that he wasn't mad. Ryan wasn't really listening though. He was absorbed in his own thoughts to really acknowledge Brenden telling him that he needed to let out whatever he was holding inside, no matter how much it hurt others. Brenden tried and tried again to get Ryan to open up to him, maybe even tell him why he was acting like this. All Ryan would do was shake his head and stare at the wall.

Brenden sighed, standing up. "Well, if you won't fucking tell me, then tell someone! We don't need this shit right now, Ryan!"

"What shit?" Ryan asked, looking up at Brenden with wet eyes. "What fuckin' shit don't you guys need?"

"This! You mopping around, trying to get attention but then when you fuckin' get it, you refuse help! You do a half-assed job on stage and think it's alright! Whatever you're going through isn't more important than this fuckin' band, Ryan!" Brenden quickly retaliated. "Get you're fuckin' shit together because we don't want this to end because of you!"

"What? I am not moping around and trying to get attention, okay!? I am trying to figure all this shit out an--"

"Figure what out?" Brenden raised his hand letting it drop back to his side. "Fuck, Ry, we're trying to fuckin' help!"

"NO ONE CAN HELP!" Ryan yelled over Brenden, standing and breathing heavily. Levi stared between the two of them, their chests raising rapidly with their breaths. "No one can help that I'm in love with you!"

Ryan froze. Brenden stared. Levi gasped.

"What?"

"That's why I'm 'moping around'," Ryan impersonated Brenden. "I can't make it go away and it fuckin' hurts when you tell him you love him right in front of me! You don't know what goes through my head and makes me think things. I'm messed up! I wanted to die a few days ago when you were talking with me. You don't know what I almost did!" Ryan took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down enough to admit it all. "I had to hide my pills in Levi's bag so that I couldn't get them. That might be why I'm moping around, I haven't taken them in over a week."

An hour later, all the guys were on their way to the ARL studios for their appearance on the daily show. Ryan and Brenden weren't talking, but not because they were mad at each other, more because it was awkward. Aiden sat next to Brenden in the back of the mini van, Levi on his right. Ryan sat in front of Levi next to Fret, their friend and so called security guard. He was more a friend more than anything.

"So, how did you guys get the line up you have now?" a rather bitchy VJ asked Ryan.

She had been directing most of the questions toward Ryan, even if they pertained to Aiden, Brenden or Levi. She had a bony face, pointed nose and thin tight lips that were smothered in a pink gloss. Her large eyes made her head look small, which it really wasn't. It was far from small compared to the rest of her. She had thin, almost colorless hair that hung limply from her scalp. Aiden could smell the hairspray coming from her hair like you would smell a burning field of dry, dead leaves and garbage.

She was extremely skinny. Aiden could see almost every bone in her. Her clothes didn't make her look any better, either. She clearly was in denial that she didn't have what other girls had as she wore a tight pink shirt that had a low V neck meant to accent a woman beautifully, but she wasn't one of those women. The pink shirt did nothing but make her look thinner than she was.

Although she looked repulsive with the makeup caked on in noticeable layers, Aiden desperately wanted to be as thin as her. He wanted to be able to stand next to someone and not be the one taking up the most room.

"Well," Brenden stared, sensing that Ryan's discomfort of being thrown into the spot light. Even if they weren't speaking, he could save Ryan, right? "Ryan and I got together one day and were messing around with our instruments. We came up with some music and I guess from that point on we knew that it was right for us."

"That was in, like, seventh grade, or something. We would stay in my basement for hours, teaching ourselves to play and listening to tapes and records we had found," Ryan remembered, trying not to let his hard feelings show. "I remember jumping around trying to be like Slash while Brenden laughed and taped it."

"You still have the tape?" she asked, touching Ryan's knee and laughing lightly at the look of horror on his face. "Don't be afraid of it. We all have our moments! I remember fainting when I met N*SYNC."

A few laughs came from the audience at this. "What about you, Aiden?"

"Um, I think I met Levi at a party or something my friend had and we just hit it off. He was in a different band at the time."

She interrupted, though, "What was the bands name?"

"Ten Stars Above Heaven," Levi answered. "We broke up a week after that, actually. Andy, the drummer, called and told me it was over. He was rambling and everything. I later found out that Jem died, our guitarist and singer."

"I remember that..." Brenden trailed, not saying into the mic for everyone to hear.

"How did Levi and Aiden join?" she asked, reading off of a paper on her lap. She was obviously not interested in the subject just by the way she would read off the questions.

"Levi just.. joined. He was practicing with us for a while and... he's just the bassist," Brenden recalled, getting annoyed with the slightly redundant questions. Didn't anyone have better questions? "We heard him singing to... what was it? Early Sunsets?" Aiden nodded. "Yeah and since he lives with me it was kinda easy to know he was good and so he became the singer."

"You two live together?" she seemed surprised.

"It's a long story..."

Aiden was glad Brenden said this because he really didn't want to tell anyone about the death of his parents. He was happy without anyone knowing and feeling sorry for him. He was comfortable with people not knowing about his personal life.

The look on her face was nothing more than embarrassment. She looked down at her paper and read them off quickly, obvious to the untreaded topic she brought up.

"We have more with 12 Bullets To The Head after the break. Stay tuned because we'll have music from TI, Lil Jon, Ciara and lucky fans ask 12 Bullets some questions."

The camera's moved away from the band and panned the audience, who were screaming and clapping loudly. The snotty VJ stood up from her seat on the risers and stood next to a large plasma screen TV. A guy VJ took her spot. He looked much more calm and prepared to interview the band. He had on a AFI black tee with a gray long sleeved shirt underneath that. He introduced himself as Troy but he looked more like a Jeff in Aiden's opinion.

Aiden introduced himself after the others to Troy. He seemed excited to meet them but they didn't get a chance to talk much as the camera's were back on and rolling; the screaming, clapping and music started up once again as the camera man moved toward a group of girl, all in green and pink with a sign saying 'We love 12 Bullets!' in front of them.

"That was our number five video of the day. I'm sitting here with 12 Bullets To The Head," Troy said, gesturing toward the four of them standing next to him. "We have a few fan questions for you, if you'd like to answer them."

"Of course," Levi said into the mic.

Troy turned and scanned the crowd. Aiden copied him, wanting to know what he was looking for. A few of the audience members smiled and waved at him. He waved back, turning back to look at Troy. He had found what he was looking for because one of the girls in the green and pink shirts stood next to him, looking nervous. She had black hair that came down to the small of her back and brown eyes.

"Okay, what's your name and what's your question?" Troy asked, handing her the mic.

"I'm Veronica and I just wanted to tell you that I love your music so much!" she smiled at them.

"Thanks," Aiden and Ryan said together.

"Okay, my question..." she paused. "What new music are you guys into?"

Aiden looked at Levi, hoping he would start, but Brenden started. "I found this band from our area that's pretty cool and just things like Shiny Toy Guns and stuff."

"Same for me," Ryan said, trying not to let it show he didn't want to agree with Brenden. "I like pretty much whatever Brenden does."

"I found this new-ish band on myspace," Aiden said, looking at Ryan. "They're called Metro Station..."

Levi played with his jeans next to Aiden, seeming to not want to answer the question. Troy sent Veronica back to her place in the audience and he looked for the girl in the audience that had the mic. He found her after a bit of looking and the same routine commenced.

"Okay, you guys are really young, so are you still in school? If so, how do you balance school and touring?" a girl with a long braid down her back asked.

Brenden looked at Aiden as he began answering. "Aid, Ryan and I are still in school. Levi's already graduated. But I guess we just do the on line work in the day when we're just sitting around and waiting. It's not that hard but sometimes it's tiring staying up so late and getting up early the next day."

Aiden smiled, playing with the mic in his hands and thinking about the homework assignment that was due. He needed to get that done when they were back on the road. He looked down at the floor, putting one foot in front of the other. He looked back up at Troy who was handing a guy in the audience his mic.

He had black hair and multiple peircings. "What's tour like with Devten?" he asked, smiling at them.

Aiden brought the mic to his mouth, answering this time. "They're the nicest guys. I thought there might be, like, a language barrier, but they speak English fluently. They've made this tour so much fun."

"Yeah," Brenden agreed. "They get the crowd pumped and everyone seems to like them. Their fan base is really strong here."

"Have you been working on anything new?" Troy asked.

"Yeah, we've written a few things, but nothing serious at this point. Nothing that would make it onto the new record, I guess." Aiden revealed. "Right now it's just creative things that come to mind."

"Thank you guys for coming into the studio to hang out with us," Troy said. "We'll be back after these commercials."

Troy shook their hands and thanked them once again, this time off camera. Aiden smiled and thanked him as his mic was taken away and they were led backstage.

The band reached their hotel late that afternoon after going on ARL then eating an early dinner at the hotels restaurant. Everyone was silent as they walked to their rooms. Aiden was afraid to suggest a game of Dice because of the uneasy tension. Instead, he wished the other three good night and slipped into his and Brenden's room. he wasn't sure what was going to happen from this point on. Would Ryan and Bren figure out how to solve this conflict? What if they started to go out and broke up? Would it be the end of the band, their dream?