Status: Complete
Don't.
Don't.
Glass; shattered.
Pain; Indescribable pain.
Ville Valo cried out as he stepped in the pieces of glass that had once been a bottle of beer. He cursed loudly in Finnish, and humped over to a chair near the island in the middle of the kitchen of Castle Bam. He looked at his foot, a piece of glass had found its way through his foot. He pulled it out even though he knew that probably wasn’t the best idea, and yelled out as the blood freely ran from his foot onto the floor.
Bam walked into the kitchen, wearing a pair of ripped denim pants that hang very loosely on his hips. If Ville could just yank them down a little bit further, oh boy..
“Willa, don’t yell like that. You’re gonna wake up Missy.”
Couldn’t he strangle her instead?
“Don’t yell like that,” Bam’s voice clanged to his eardrums.
He hated that word. Don’t. Even if it was Bam who said it. It set a limit, a limit on what he could or couldn’t do. He wanted to do whatever he felt like, but he couldn’t. Just because of a word; because of the limit the word stood for.
He mumbled a sorry under his breath, but he wasn’t really sorry after all. Stupid Bam and his stupid shatters of glass.
“What happened?” Bam pulled out a couple of beers from the fridge.
Ville looked at him with a stern look, though it ceased when his eyes met the icy blue eyes that belonged to Bam. He couldn’t stay mad at him, not even for a couple of seconds. “I cut my foot on a broken bottle.”
He took a swig of his beer. “It looks pretty deep.”
“It went through my foot Bam.” He said through grit teeth, he wasn’t angry at Bam but Bam’s stupidity annoyed him.
“Oh.” He took another gulp.
That was the worst thing about Bam Margera – he always seemed like he didn’t care. Maybe he didn’t. Ville didn’t know, how could he? After the wedding Bam had turned.. Different. Not cold, but he was just different around Ville. He didn't obey Ville's every command and he didn't suck up to him.
God, he missed the time before Missy.
"Do you want me to drive you to the hospital?"
'Yes. And then we can fuck in the backseat afterwards.'
Ville only nodded.
"Ok. Let's wait until Missy get's up. She can come with us." Bam said, drowning the last of his beer.
Ville looked at the ground. Again, he had been beaten by the model. He noticed the big puddle of blood that lay on the floor. It was like the many times he had found himself on the bathroom floor, razorblade in hand. This wasn’t different, the cause wasn’t different. It was the same- "Brandon, My foot can't wait for her " He looked up at the skater, his green eyes meeting Bam’s blue ones.
Bam gulped; he knew not to argue with Ville when he spoke in that tone, and especially not when he used his real name. And the look in his eyes, those piercing green eyes.. He shivered, "I-I'll just leave her a note."
***
"Good thing you didn't lose any of your toes, huh?"
"If you learned how to clean up after your ass it wouldn't have happened"
"You could have watched out"
"Oh yeah, I forgot there's always shatters of glass lying around in the house. My apologies Bam-Bam"
"Why are you so moody?"
"Why are you being such a cold asshole?"
"You didn't answer my question"
"Do I look like I give a fuck?"
“Dilligaf,” Bam half laughed and Ville joined him, they were two pieces of one broken heart. Why Bam couldn’t see that, Ville didn’t understand, but he would make him understand at some point, he was sure of that. He took a hold of Bam’s wrist and pressed his own against his, their hearts entwined and their shared ‘Dilligaf’ inked to their blood connecting. If it only were Bam’s Nidiot, and Ville’s heartagram below his belly button..
Ville looked at Bam, stared into those sealike eyes that he longed to look into every time he breathed. “Dilligaf.”
***
Ville looked at himself in the mirror. He had become a mess. He had no home, no fiancée, no friends. All he had was a broken dream of becoming something he would never be.
“Bammie-” He cried out and he heard someone enter his bathroom, he looked to his side and saw Missy standing there. “Where’s Bam?” He quickly spoke and looked away, he couldn’t stand knowing the woman Bam made love to every night was so close. Ville knew, he heard them every night. See, he wanted to hear. To hear if it might be Ville’s name escaping Bam’s mouth when he moaned or if Bam would say ‘Ville would’ve done it better, Ville would’ve loved me better’.
Because Ville could, Ville would, and he knew it. He could love Bam Margera like he had never been loved before and it didn’t scare him at all, what scared him, though, was the thought of Bam turning him down.
“He’s in the shower.”
Ville turned around from Missy so she wouldn’t notice the slight bulge rising in his jeans. Just the thought of Bam, naked and alone, was almost making him moan out in pleasure.
“I’m going to the mall for a couple of hours and I’m taking the Lambo, will you tell that to Bam?” Missy asked.
Oh yes he’d tell Bam that. And then they’d make sweet love in the shower..
Ville nodded and heard Missy close the door after her. He also heard the sound of her running down the stairs and the loud sound when she closed the door after her.
Ville hummed a song as he walked into the bathroom Bam was occupying.
“Missy?”
“No, it’s Santa.”
“Ville!” Bam shrieked. “You’re not Santa!”
“What’s the difference? We’re both from Finland and we both bring joy to children like yourself.”
“Where’s Missy?”
“She’s at the mall. She won’t be home for a few hours.”
Bam looked out of the shower cabin and his eyes met Ville’s.
“Why are you still in here?”
Ville walked closer and silenced the skater with kisses as he slid off his pants and walked into the shower with him. Bam didn’t even seem to protest, and grabbed Ville’s neck with his hand, his inked ‘Dilligaf’ meeting the heartagram on Ville’s neck and forced him to deepen the kiss he longed for.
Ville almost laughed in delight as Bam moaned while Ville’s kisses travelled from the skaters mouth to his jaw, neck and down on Bam’s collarbone.
Bam’s hand slid down Ville’s back, softly caressing his skin and grapping each buttock at a time. Ville smiled and captured Bam’s mouth with his own, his hand finding Bam’s throbbing cock waiting for him.
Bam pulled away from the singers kisses and looked into his green eyes. “Please,” he moaned, “Make me scream”
***
Ville hummed a song happily as he walked into the kitchen the following morning, though the smile on his face quickly faded as he saw Bam kissing Missy goodbye.
“Where are you going?” Ville broke them off.
Missy pulled away from Bam and looked at the Finn. “He’s going skat-”
“I wasn’t talking to you sweetheart,” he said in a deep voice, looking at Bam the whole time doing so.
Bam gulped, there it was, that look Ville always used when he was dissapointed at Bam. “I’m hitting the skate park today. There’s a bunch of kids who want their skateboards signed.”
Ville didn’t say anything, he went straight to the cabinet above the sink and pulled out two bottles of the faithful liquor he held very dear in a time of heartache.
Missy looked at Bam. “He really shouldn’t drink that much, it’s not good for him-” She whispered.
“I can decide for myself what’s good for me,” Ville said calmly, yet very loud and smacked the cabinet door in. He didn’t look at her while he continued, he kept his back against her. “If you were a decent person you wouldn’t go chatter about it behind my back, especially not when I’m so close to you I can hear you”
“If you were a decent person you wouldn’t drink us out of the house!”
Ville turned around, anger showing in his features. “Drink you out of the house? Bammie here is a fucking millionare, and you’re living on his money! I made this man, you know! I’m his fucking best friend! I’ve been there through all of his damn aches and helped him while you’ve been out shopping! I have no home and no fiancé and now you’re complaining that he is finally paying me back what he, and not at least you, owe me?” He yelled. His look shifted to Bam’s, horror in his blue eyes and Ville looked back at Missy. “If I am not a decent person, then tell me Missy, what kind of a person are you?” He spoke softly, where after he turned on his heel and walked up the stairs into his bedroom, slamming the door shut and sinking into the bed, uncorking a bottle of red wine and taking a large gulp of the crimson fluid. The label on the bottle said Barolo, but he didn’t give a damn about that. All he needed was something to mend his wounds.
***
Many hours later Bam came home, and not bothering to say hello to his wife he went straight up to the guestroom, opening the door.
“Took you long enough,” a deep murmur sounded from the shadows.
Bam turned on the lights and closed the door after him. “I had to go to the park.”
Ville’s eyes flinched under the bright light “I understand.”
“You do?” Bam sounded surprised, he was, but he had expected him to understand anyway.
“No I don’t. I don’t understand how a bunch of little kids can be more important than me” Ville said, his raspy voice sounding bitter. The alcohol’s effect was going away and he knew he was about to nurse a splittering headache. That was the prize of drinking wine.
“That’s the alcohol talking,” Bam reassured himself, he couldn’t believe Ville was acting like this. So selfish. Ville had never been like this before.
Ville stood up from the bed, his green eyes piercing Bam’s.“Yeah, but I’ve become it, haven’t I?”
Bam stood and looked at Ville. What did he want from him? To agree? To disagree?
“Isn’t Missy right? I’ve become our worst nightmare, haven’t I?” Ville asked, tears in his eyes and a shaking voice.
Bam stepped forward and embraced the Finn. “No, you haven’t.” He reassured
Ville pulled away from him, drying his eyes in his sleeve and looking into those blue eyes. “At least not yours. Because I know what I’ve become Bammie. I’m you.”
And then there was yelling. Ville couldn’t quite sort out what was being yelled to him but when he gained focuss, Bam was rambling “-it’s because of her, isn’t it? It’s because you can’t stand Missy, I know it-”
“It’s not about Missy-“
“YES IT IS! YOU CAN’T LIE TO ME VILLE, I KNOW IT’S ABOUT HER! I-”
“It’s about you Bam.” He sighed, sitting down on the bed.
Bam sat down next to him, looking at him. “Tell me.”
Ville hesitated; should he tell Bam? Should he tell him how much he loved him and how much it killed him that Bam had married Missy? What happened in the shower yesterday wasn’t just a one-time happening. It wasn’t a mistake, you can’t make the same mistake twice, or sixteen times in their case. It’s simply impossible. But if his feelings weren’t returned.. It would be the death of him.
“Come on, you can tell me.” Bam pleaded.
“No I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I- I just can’t-”
Bam stood angrily up from the bed. “I thought you were my best friend dude. Why can’t you just tell me?”
Ville looked at the ground, he didn’t want to fight with Bam but he couldn’t tell him. “I just can’t.”
Bam turned on his heel and walked out of the door. As he was closing the door, Ville looked up, his green eyes glistering with tears as he softly spoke.
“I love you Bammie”
“Don’t.”
And with that, Bam closed the door.
Pain; Indescribable pain.
Ville Valo cried out as he stepped in the pieces of glass that had once been a bottle of beer. He cursed loudly in Finnish, and humped over to a chair near the island in the middle of the kitchen of Castle Bam. He looked at his foot, a piece of glass had found its way through his foot. He pulled it out even though he knew that probably wasn’t the best idea, and yelled out as the blood freely ran from his foot onto the floor.
Bam walked into the kitchen, wearing a pair of ripped denim pants that hang very loosely on his hips. If Ville could just yank them down a little bit further, oh boy..
“Willa, don’t yell like that. You’re gonna wake up Missy.”
Couldn’t he strangle her instead?
“Don’t yell like that,” Bam’s voice clanged to his eardrums.
He hated that word. Don’t. Even if it was Bam who said it. It set a limit, a limit on what he could or couldn’t do. He wanted to do whatever he felt like, but he couldn’t. Just because of a word; because of the limit the word stood for.
He mumbled a sorry under his breath, but he wasn’t really sorry after all. Stupid Bam and his stupid shatters of glass.
“What happened?” Bam pulled out a couple of beers from the fridge.
Ville looked at him with a stern look, though it ceased when his eyes met the icy blue eyes that belonged to Bam. He couldn’t stay mad at him, not even for a couple of seconds. “I cut my foot on a broken bottle.”
He took a swig of his beer. “It looks pretty deep.”
“It went through my foot Bam.” He said through grit teeth, he wasn’t angry at Bam but Bam’s stupidity annoyed him.
“Oh.” He took another gulp.
That was the worst thing about Bam Margera – he always seemed like he didn’t care. Maybe he didn’t. Ville didn’t know, how could he? After the wedding Bam had turned.. Different. Not cold, but he was just different around Ville. He didn't obey Ville's every command and he didn't suck up to him.
God, he missed the time before Missy.
"Do you want me to drive you to the hospital?"
'Yes. And then we can fuck in the backseat afterwards.'
Ville only nodded.
"Ok. Let's wait until Missy get's up. She can come with us." Bam said, drowning the last of his beer.
Ville looked at the ground. Again, he had been beaten by the model. He noticed the big puddle of blood that lay on the floor. It was like the many times he had found himself on the bathroom floor, razorblade in hand. This wasn’t different, the cause wasn’t different. It was the same- "Brandon, My foot can't wait for her " He looked up at the skater, his green eyes meeting Bam’s blue ones.
Bam gulped; he knew not to argue with Ville when he spoke in that tone, and especially not when he used his real name. And the look in his eyes, those piercing green eyes.. He shivered, "I-I'll just leave her a note."
***
"Good thing you didn't lose any of your toes, huh?"
"If you learned how to clean up after your ass it wouldn't have happened"
"You could have watched out"
"Oh yeah, I forgot there's always shatters of glass lying around in the house. My apologies Bam-Bam"
"Why are you so moody?"
"Why are you being such a cold asshole?"
"You didn't answer my question"
"Do I look like I give a fuck?"
“Dilligaf,” Bam half laughed and Ville joined him, they were two pieces of one broken heart. Why Bam couldn’t see that, Ville didn’t understand, but he would make him understand at some point, he was sure of that. He took a hold of Bam’s wrist and pressed his own against his, their hearts entwined and their shared ‘Dilligaf’ inked to their blood connecting. If it only were Bam’s Nidiot, and Ville’s heartagram below his belly button..
Ville looked at Bam, stared into those sealike eyes that he longed to look into every time he breathed. “Dilligaf.”
***
Ville looked at himself in the mirror. He had become a mess. He had no home, no fiancée, no friends. All he had was a broken dream of becoming something he would never be.
“Bammie-” He cried out and he heard someone enter his bathroom, he looked to his side and saw Missy standing there. “Where’s Bam?” He quickly spoke and looked away, he couldn’t stand knowing the woman Bam made love to every night was so close. Ville knew, he heard them every night. See, he wanted to hear. To hear if it might be Ville’s name escaping Bam’s mouth when he moaned or if Bam would say ‘Ville would’ve done it better, Ville would’ve loved me better’.
Because Ville could, Ville would, and he knew it. He could love Bam Margera like he had never been loved before and it didn’t scare him at all, what scared him, though, was the thought of Bam turning him down.
“He’s in the shower.”
Ville turned around from Missy so she wouldn’t notice the slight bulge rising in his jeans. Just the thought of Bam, naked and alone, was almost making him moan out in pleasure.
“I’m going to the mall for a couple of hours and I’m taking the Lambo, will you tell that to Bam?” Missy asked.
Oh yes he’d tell Bam that. And then they’d make sweet love in the shower..
Ville nodded and heard Missy close the door after her. He also heard the sound of her running down the stairs and the loud sound when she closed the door after her.
Ville hummed a song as he walked into the bathroom Bam was occupying.
“Missy?”
“No, it’s Santa.”
“Ville!” Bam shrieked. “You’re not Santa!”
“What’s the difference? We’re both from Finland and we both bring joy to children like yourself.”
“Where’s Missy?”
“She’s at the mall. She won’t be home for a few hours.”
Bam looked out of the shower cabin and his eyes met Ville’s.
“Why are you still in here?”
Ville walked closer and silenced the skater with kisses as he slid off his pants and walked into the shower with him. Bam didn’t even seem to protest, and grabbed Ville’s neck with his hand, his inked ‘Dilligaf’ meeting the heartagram on Ville’s neck and forced him to deepen the kiss he longed for.
Ville almost laughed in delight as Bam moaned while Ville’s kisses travelled from the skaters mouth to his jaw, neck and down on Bam’s collarbone.
Bam’s hand slid down Ville’s back, softly caressing his skin and grapping each buttock at a time. Ville smiled and captured Bam’s mouth with his own, his hand finding Bam’s throbbing cock waiting for him.
Bam pulled away from the singers kisses and looked into his green eyes. “Please,” he moaned, “Make me scream”
***
Ville hummed a song happily as he walked into the kitchen the following morning, though the smile on his face quickly faded as he saw Bam kissing Missy goodbye.
“Where are you going?” Ville broke them off.
Missy pulled away from Bam and looked at the Finn. “He’s going skat-”
“I wasn’t talking to you sweetheart,” he said in a deep voice, looking at Bam the whole time doing so.
Bam gulped, there it was, that look Ville always used when he was dissapointed at Bam. “I’m hitting the skate park today. There’s a bunch of kids who want their skateboards signed.”
Ville didn’t say anything, he went straight to the cabinet above the sink and pulled out two bottles of the faithful liquor he held very dear in a time of heartache.
Missy looked at Bam. “He really shouldn’t drink that much, it’s not good for him-” She whispered.
“I can decide for myself what’s good for me,” Ville said calmly, yet very loud and smacked the cabinet door in. He didn’t look at her while he continued, he kept his back against her. “If you were a decent person you wouldn’t go chatter about it behind my back, especially not when I’m so close to you I can hear you”
“If you were a decent person you wouldn’t drink us out of the house!”
Ville turned around, anger showing in his features. “Drink you out of the house? Bammie here is a fucking millionare, and you’re living on his money! I made this man, you know! I’m his fucking best friend! I’ve been there through all of his damn aches and helped him while you’ve been out shopping! I have no home and no fiancé and now you’re complaining that he is finally paying me back what he, and not at least you, owe me?” He yelled. His look shifted to Bam’s, horror in his blue eyes and Ville looked back at Missy. “If I am not a decent person, then tell me Missy, what kind of a person are you?” He spoke softly, where after he turned on his heel and walked up the stairs into his bedroom, slamming the door shut and sinking into the bed, uncorking a bottle of red wine and taking a large gulp of the crimson fluid. The label on the bottle said Barolo, but he didn’t give a damn about that. All he needed was something to mend his wounds.
***
Many hours later Bam came home, and not bothering to say hello to his wife he went straight up to the guestroom, opening the door.
“Took you long enough,” a deep murmur sounded from the shadows.
Bam turned on the lights and closed the door after him. “I had to go to the park.”
Ville’s eyes flinched under the bright light “I understand.”
“You do?” Bam sounded surprised, he was, but he had expected him to understand anyway.
“No I don’t. I don’t understand how a bunch of little kids can be more important than me” Ville said, his raspy voice sounding bitter. The alcohol’s effect was going away and he knew he was about to nurse a splittering headache. That was the prize of drinking wine.
“That’s the alcohol talking,” Bam reassured himself, he couldn’t believe Ville was acting like this. So selfish. Ville had never been like this before.
Ville stood up from the bed, his green eyes piercing Bam’s.“Yeah, but I’ve become it, haven’t I?”
Bam stood and looked at Ville. What did he want from him? To agree? To disagree?
“Isn’t Missy right? I’ve become our worst nightmare, haven’t I?” Ville asked, tears in his eyes and a shaking voice.
Bam stepped forward and embraced the Finn. “No, you haven’t.” He reassured
Ville pulled away from him, drying his eyes in his sleeve and looking into those blue eyes. “At least not yours. Because I know what I’ve become Bammie. I’m you.”
And then there was yelling. Ville couldn’t quite sort out what was being yelled to him but when he gained focuss, Bam was rambling “-it’s because of her, isn’t it? It’s because you can’t stand Missy, I know it-”
“It’s not about Missy-“
“YES IT IS! YOU CAN’T LIE TO ME VILLE, I KNOW IT’S ABOUT HER! I-”
“It’s about you Bam.” He sighed, sitting down on the bed.
Bam sat down next to him, looking at him. “Tell me.”
Ville hesitated; should he tell Bam? Should he tell him how much he loved him and how much it killed him that Bam had married Missy? What happened in the shower yesterday wasn’t just a one-time happening. It wasn’t a mistake, you can’t make the same mistake twice, or sixteen times in their case. It’s simply impossible. But if his feelings weren’t returned.. It would be the death of him.
“Come on, you can tell me.” Bam pleaded.
“No I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I- I just can’t-”
Bam stood angrily up from the bed. “I thought you were my best friend dude. Why can’t you just tell me?”
Ville looked at the ground, he didn’t want to fight with Bam but he couldn’t tell him. “I just can’t.”
Bam turned on his heel and walked out of the door. As he was closing the door, Ville looked up, his green eyes glistering with tears as he softly spoke.
“I love you Bammie”
“Don’t.”
And with that, Bam closed the door.