I Can't Wait to Draw Your Name

The chilly and breezy wind blew through the tombstones and blowing the leaves as the wind went by. People gathered around an empty grave with the coffin still on the outside. The white wooden casket looked elegant with gold outlines on the edges and with an ‘S’ marking on the center of it. Hysterical crying was heard from a middle aged woman with her husband by her side as they stood beside the coffin that held their beloved daughter. Some of their daughter’s friends, families, and relatives gathered around too with their heads down, hiding their puffy eyes and sobbed quietly.

Not too far from the crowd, a guy wearing a black shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans were leaning onto a tombstone with a daisy in his hands. The wind blew through his brown tousled hair as he just looked to the crowd through his Ray-Ban. He lost count when was the last time he slept or the last time he lived like a normal human. He hadn’t slept since he found the girl that meant the world to him dead on the bed of her fiancé, which was the one who killed her.

“John, you okay?”, Pat asked as he placed his hand on John’s shoulder, making him snapped out from his thoughts. He jumped because of Pat’s touch and he cringed when he did it. Pat took a step back and just looked at him. “Do you wanna go any closer?”

John shook his head before looking right to the coffin, ignoring Pat. He didn’t want to go any closer because he could do something ignorant, probably like jump into the grave along with Sierra. Pat nodded slightly before walking to the crowd to find the others there.

As the priest gave his words, John stood up straight and walked to the crowd. He quietly excused himself through the people and made his way to the front. He could see Mr. and Mrs. McAllister were still bawling their eyes out of to their daughter. He could see Sierra’s best friend who helped him out to meet Sierra after two and a half months, standing near her parents with her dad’s arm around her shoulder as she cried in his arm. He could see his friends in the crowd with their heads down. His eyes now could see that he wasn’t alone in the grief.

“Now, she would rest in peace along with God.”, the priest ended his speech and closed the Bible in his hands. One by one, people placed a flower on top of the casket, covering the ‘S’ with colorful flowers. John stepped forward and looked at the coffin intensely before kissing the daisy lightly and placed it with the other flowers.

The crowd dispersed and went over to Mr. and Mrs. McAllister to give their condolences or just simply giving some wise words. John had his hands into his pockets and he looked down to the coffin, that was now already in the grave.

“John?”, a voice asked from his side. He looked to the direction and saw that Sara girl he was watching earlier. “I’m Sara Reynolds, Sierra’s best friend.”

He nodded. “You were the one who helped us got together.”

“Yeah, and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about George earlier. I wished I could, but I thought you would have your own instinct, by meaning, you would take Sierra away from here.”

“You wanted me to do that?”

“Well, I wanted the best for Sierra, and I knew that the best for her was you. She loved you with all her heart and she’d do anything for you, but every one knew that she was tied down by her parents.”

“I really wish I could turn the time and just do what you wanted me to. I wanted to live with her, live for her and just be with her until my last breath, but now I couldn’t.”

Sara nodded slightly before they went into an awkward silent. Suddenly, she snapped her fingers and pulled pieces of crumbled paper from her purse. “I found this under Sierra’s bed. She wrote these when you were away from tour, and after you ‘raped’ her. One of them was from the day after you guys met again.”

John stare at the papers for a minute before slowly extending his arm out, taking the papers from Sara’s hand. “I hope you’d read all of them and believe me, Sierra would watch over you from heaven. She wouldn’t leave you alone, John.”

“Thank you, Sara.”, he cracked a little smile, feeling a bit of butterflies in his the pit of his stomach when Sara told him that Sierra would watch over him.

Sara smiled a bit and excused herself to go to her parents. John went over to a bench that was near the parking lot and sat there while waiting for his friends to come back. He opened a piece of the paper carefully and read the date. It was from after the day they first met and did it.

“I didn’t know what I should do or feel. He used me. He probably wouldn’t even remember me. Even though it was the best night of my life. I love him. I love him too much.”

He bit his lower lip after he read the first one. She thought he used her, when actually, he was trying to not just propose her that night. But the thing that made him smile between his urge to cry was that she loved him. John thought she was going to hate him because he ‘used’ her, but no, she loved him.

John went onto the second paper, and it was from the day before they met again. There were ink stains all over the paper and some water stains, but he could identified them as tears.

“I couldn’t believe this, I just want to die here. George asked me to marry him, and I just wanted to say no because I didn’t and never love him, I only love John. Mom and dad forced me to and I just had to. It felt like my legs are tied with balls and chains. I just need my knight in shining armor, but I know, he didn’t even remember me.”

Tears started to streamed down John’s cheeks as he folded the paper again. He sobbed once before wiping the tears with the sleeve of his shirt. He needed to pull himself together, at least until he gets home. John took a deep breath before opening the last paper. It was from yesterday morning, before she went away to the park where she met Pat.

“I need to talk to George. I have to. I never loved him and I think I’d never will. I just want John. Only him.”

Those were the last sentence she ever wrote. John folded it back and shoved all the papers into his back pocket after he folded them thinly so his pocket won’t bulged. He leaned back onto the bench and looked up to the bright blue sky, smiling, knowing that Sierra was up there, smiling back to him.