Again

"I love the way that your heart breaks."

I see how you break a little more inside every time I do wrong. And I should feel like shit that this actually flatters me. That you love me enough to care about what I do and who I do it with. And I find that I need the reassurance of your love, no matter what.

"With every injustice and deadly fate."

I feel your eyes watch me longingly as I walk away to be with someone else. It's not that I don't love you. As a matter of fact, it's because of how much I love you that I do this. I couldn't bear to hurt you in ways you couldn't imagine.

"Praying it all be new."

You want me to give you a chance. To give you a chance so that you can show how much you love me. How much you can sacrifice for me. That you would give me all of your being and more.

"And living like it all depends on you."

But I know you can do that. What scares me is that I don't know if I can return the favor. I don't know if I'm capable of withstanding the commitment that you're offering. I don't even know if I am capable of loving freely, without fear. I don't think I could ever show it. But it's never because I don't love you. Never.

"I love that you're never satisfied."

You never give up, do you? You don't know that you fill me with emotions I never thought I could feel. You make my heart beat faster with every smile aimed at me. And sometimes you make it slow, and the moments last forever, yet never long enough. I try to keep this hidden, but it gets harder with each passing day.

"With face value wisdom and happy lies."

Somehow, you see past the facade. Somehow, you know that what I say are simply lies. And as much as I want to break and let you in, I still try my hardest to keep you out.

"You take what they say and go back and cry."

I get others to tell you the lies. I think you know them for what they are, but they hurt all the same. And I regret each tear that falls from your eyes, but I still can't stop myself from thinking that this is necessary. The pain I can give you is infinitely worse than this. Because I haven't accepted the heart that you're trying to give me, I can't break it.

"You're so close to me that you nearly died."

Time passes and you aren't you anymore. You're a fragile being that's lost with no way back. And I am to blame.

What do you see in me? All I am is broken beyond repair, incapable of simple affection. I lack the heart you need to be whole, and I don't know what to do anymore. The line between what I want and what I need is consistently blurring.

"Here you are down on your knees again."

You're begging. You're pleading. We need each other. We're meant to be. We're two parts of a whole.

But all I know are what ifs.

"Trying to find air to breathe again."

You claim you can't live without me. You claim that your breath became shorter with each rejection. You claim that you need me in order to continue living.

But don't you know that you're better off without me?

"Only surrender will help you now."

Please, give up! For the sake of both our sanity. You don't know that loving me is unhealthy. That this could only end in heartbreak and nothing less than the pain of living without ever loving again.

"The floodgates are breaking and pouring out."

I can't bear to see you like this. Hopeless and empty. A casket of hollow happiness and near destruction.

I realize that you decaying is weakening my resolve. That the whole point of me rejecting you is so you won't get hurt. And I am failing miserably. I don't know who you are anymore. And the only way to fix you is to introduce you to the maze of my heart.

But I'm so scared to show you my insecurities and the deeply hidden fears.

I'm scared that you will run in horror when you see the extent of my damaged spirit.

But looking at your face. Looking at the face that used to hold so much joy and elation... I think I'm willing to take that chance.

"Here you are down on your knees again."

You don't need to beg anymore. I'll fix your soul with a belated kiss. I'll heal your heart with my falling tears. I'll free your mind with words that will tumble out without second thoughts.

"Trying to find air to breathe again."

I'll be the air that you so desperately need to breathe. And I desperately need someone to need me. I'll give in to your love, because I know that though I don't have much to give, what little I do have will be enough for you.

"Right where I want you to be again."

Now, as time passes, I see the positive changes coming over us. We were once incomplete, and now whole with some effort. I see the boy that my heart first started to beat for come back to life. And when I look in the mirror I see a completely different person. A person who is happier, and in love. A person who holds hope for a better tomorrow.

"See and believe."