Drown Together

No one ever knows how important someone can be. Know one ever knows how important their spoken words can be. No one ever knows how important someone is until they are about to be taken away forever.

Everyone I had ever loved turned out to be nothing at all. I didn't want to put my faith in anyone; but I still did; they would just ended up being a lost hope I had invested everything into. Why was it so important to love someone? Why was it so important to be with someone until the end? I don't think anyone knows.

I had always fell for the broken boy, I thought I could fix him and in return, I thought he could fix me.

Not so long ago, I had found a broken boy. He seemed as though he didn't want to be fixed, he seemed as though he wanted to be left alone in the corner of the classroom, drawing cartoons on the desk. I kept away from him, I knew he was too broken and trying to fix him would break me. But, as the end of my high school years, that boy had turned into a man and lust had taken control of every part of my sanity. I had fallen for his looks from a far, until one day -- he had spoken to me, and as they say -- my life as I knew it, had been changed. It turns out, I was right; He was broken, he was a broken man who had fallen for me as well; although I never did quite believe him when he told me, and I thought I never would.

___

My hands were gripped onto the steering wheel, I was extremely annoyed and I was willing to take it out on anything. I was holding in that anger and it annoyed me.

Today was like every other day; I would wake up, realize that I was living I life I never wanted to live and then got dressed and went to work a job I never wanted to do. I was an assistant for for a large company. I was always struggling to pick myself up and get the new future I wanted. I quit at one point, but fell to the ground and crawled back crying.

The main reason I was so annoyed was that the man that claimed to love me was wanting to be picked up from some guys house he was recording his songs in. I just wanted to go home and secretly drown my sorrows in a bottle of wine; to celebrate the end of the week.

I turned the corner, feeling my head sting. I closed my eyes for a second as the car drove up the street. When I had opened them I saw him standing out on the curb, waiting as the rain began to pour down on him.

"I love the rain, don't you?" he asked, looking at me as we slowly walked on the sidewalk. The rain began as a drizzle, but then worsened to a storm. Neither of us cared, I don't think I noticed the rain drenching me at all, all I could think about was the fact that he was walking with me.

"I love the rain, too. Feels like the best thing in the world, kinda makes you feel...free," I said, shyly glancing at him for a second.

My foot lightly pushed down on the break as the sight of him got closer and closer. I finally stopped a bit ahead of him. I put it to park and lifted the break up, as I did, my eyes wandered to the mirror and I watched as he rain to the car. I kept looking into the mirror, letting my mind run away with me, I was dry but drenched inside.

I heard two sharp knocks on the window, and through the drops of rain I saw him standing there, waiting for me to unlock the doors. I felt guilty. I felt guilty because one part of me wanting to leave it locked, so I could watch him be as drenched as I was. I sighed and leaned over, unlocking the door. He opened it and swung it shut.

"Geeez, it's fucking cold out there. How are you, babe?" he asked, leaning towards me and kissing my cheek.

"How many times do I have to say don't call me babe?--"

"--Because you hate being called babe. Sorry, sorry. I won't say it again." I looked over to him and felt a boom of guilt highlight me once again.

"Sorry, I'm just a bit crabby," I said, starting to drive.

Silence drew over us. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what. It was like we had said everything we could say; there was nothing left; no reason to speak to each other. I wanted to go back to the days where we spoke about anything and everything, we could say our thoughts, feelings and everything in between. But, now it was all dry conversations. I was holding back my emotions for a reason...I don't know. "So, how was the recording?" I asked as I kept my eyes on the line on the road ahead. The silence was still there as I waited for him to speak. Please, just say something. "How was the recording?" I asked again, this time looking at him. He was looking out the window holding up his chin with his fist as his elbow rested. He snapped out of his thoughts and turned to me, a dull expression on his face was staring back at me. I never thought I would see him look at me with that face.

"Oh, it was good," was all he said. He turned away and began to watch the rain, again. I looked back at the road, holding the sigh of disappointment in. I was no longer annoyed, I wanted to listen to him speak, but then again I didn't want him to bother.

"Sounds good," I said, ending the only conversation we would probably have for days.

"How was work?" he asked, giving a little spark of hope inside.

"It was crap, everyone seems to be quiting -- besides me," I said, still keeping my eye on the road. The rain was pounding on the roof of the car. I was afraid to keep the speed of the car, so I slowed down. But, the car behind was beeping and pressuring for me to go faster. "Oh, for fuck sake," I said in frustration, hating the pressure to go faster since other people had lives they were rushing to. My finger tapped onto he steering wheel as I thought of picking up the speed. Instead of speeding up, I slowed down. I no longer cared. I watched as the car over took us, and I went back to the dry conversation.

"There was this one song we recorded today," he said, I looked over to him. I mentally sighed and blankly looked back to the road.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What's it about?" I asked, just wanting to say something to get rid of the dull feeling stirring in the pit of my stomach.

"Well, it's about that time we starting talking again, but then you quit and..." Although I wanted to listen, I just couldn't. I just felt as though everything he said didn't have any meaning anymore, as though he has gone one way and I was going another.

"Oh fuck!" I yelled, looking out to the traffic jam that was just ahead. I slowed the car down even more so and looked at the signs spread across the highway. Next Exit. I began to change lanes, and then we were going down a road with no traffic.

"Why'd you go this way?!" he shot.

"Because it'll take twice as long waiting in the traffic, the farm route is obviously quicker," I stated, trying to let the frustration slip through my fingers. I heard him sigh, I looked over to him.

We're falling apart.

"What the hell is up with you?" he suddenly boomed. I looked back at him.

"What do you mean what the hell is up with you?" I questioned, glaring at him.

"You know what I mean! You don't even fucking hear me when I'm trying to answer a question you asked me!" I quickly looked back to the road and then to him.

"What are you talking about?! I always listen!" He almost spat laughter.

"Then what was the song I was talking about 3 seconds ago?" He had caught me red handed. I looked away, feeling quilt rush through every part of me. I hated this; I hated having arguments with him and only arguments. He scoffed; "And girls say guys aren't the ones who listen. I seriously don't know what's going on. Ever since I quit and started on the band you start acting like this...You're always unhappy when I tell you about the songs I write, or what I sing--" I couldn't take it anymore.

"--Maybe it's because that's all you ever talk about! Nothing but the fucking music and the band, or Frank! There's no point in me even speaking about something else, because you won't listen or even fucking care!" Sparks of anger shot through my body, unwanted tears were stinging my eyes.

"So that's it! You're just fucking jealous that I'm doing what I've always wanted to do! And you're still stuck in that fucking office, carrying coffees to jerk offs!" I shot to him, my breath was caught in my throat. I couldn't believe he was saying this to me. I never thought he would.

"You take that back!" One single tear fell from my eye as he looked back at me, an emotionless expression spread across his face. His eyes darted. He didn't say anything, he meant it -- he meant it.

I wiped away the tear that had fallen and looked back to the road, no one was ahead of us and no one was behind. Buildings had turned into fields of grass and the rain got heavier. I began to speed up, taking any risk. The silence between us was deadly...

"Maybe..." he broke the silence, somewhat cracking me. "Maybe we should just...give up." I shot to him. I couldn't believe it. I could not believe it. He was giving up -- on me. I looked at him as he looked at me. He has this sadness crawling through his eyes. One tear fell, and then another. My foot pressed down on the accelerator, my mind was no longer where my body was; I was lost between the love we wanted to have and the love we once had. I refused to believe that this was where we gave up. He slowly began to turn his head and I watched as he turned to shock. "Break! Break!" he screamed.

I shot my head back to the road, and watched as a dear came running out onto the road. My state of mind was tarnished and I got confused between the break and the accelerator; pressing down on the accelerator, hard. The car suddenly began to spin out of my control. I pressed the break, but it was too late. The car had flipped once and again as the car slid across the wet road...I shot to him, he was clinging to his seat belt, he looked back in fear...

A pain at shot to my head -- I had hit my head windshield and I blacked out.

__

Maybe we should just...give up. Maybe we should just...give up. Maybe we should just...give up. Maybe we should just...give up. Maybe we should just...give up. Maybe we should just...give up.

__

My eyes felt like that had rolled too far back, my head was exploding with indescribable pain. I didn't know where I was or what had happen, all I knew was that my body was aching with so much pain I thought I would fall to pieces. My eyes slowly began to open, it felt like little tiny pieces of glass were stuck in the back of them. I had realized my hand was on my face and my head was laying on the steering wheel. I slowly took my hand away from my cheek and lifted my head; I was in a daze. I looked down at my hand, it was covered in blood. I lifter my hand to my head, wiped my forehead and looked at it; blood was dripping from my finger tips. Shock and fear pounced and spread all across my, I started to pant and began out of breath. I looked up to the windshield, cracks of broken glass was all saw along with the blood. I remember he was was with me. My heart jumped and I shot my head across. My heart had stopped and trying breathe was harder than before...

He sat unconscious, blood smeared across the side of his forehead. Traces of blood drops streaming down his face and dry drops of blood was splattered across the white collar of his shirt. I looked at the window beside his head, it was just as cracked as the windshield.

I went into shock and ripped out the seat belt from the buckle. I quickly lifted myself up and bent over to him, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't force myself to touch him. My hands were shaking and all I could think about was not hearing the beat of his heart.

I slowly bent down and softly placed my head onto his chest, a tear of joy streamed down as I could hear and feel faint heart beats and breathing.

"Gerard...Gerard! Please wake up...Wake up! Gerard!" I screamed.

Pain cracked into my skull once again and I was forced to sit back down. My chest was rising and falling faster than I could breath. Suddenly, my feet felt cold -- extremely cold. I slowly looked down as saw that my feet were in water. I had never felt more nervous; anxiety was electrocuting me. I turned my head to the window next to me, it was also cracked. I pushed on the glass until it broke...splashes of water fell onto the car. I was scared. I slowly began to bring my head out of the window...

"Gerard!" I sprung back to him. "Gerard!" I cried. "Please, fucking wake up! Gerard!" I screeched. I softly tapped on his cheek repeatedly. "Gerard! Wake up!" My heart began to jumped as his eyes rolled to the front, he began to slowly open his eyes. "Gerard!"

"Wha--" he tried to speak.

"Gerard, get up...We gotta go out!" my voice shook as much as my hands did.

"What happened?" he softly asked in confusion.

"We crashed into a lake, we gotta get out now!" He shot up, but collapsed again.

"My head...my head can't--" I didn't want to give up now.

"Come on, get up..." I took his hand and he looked back. The look in his eyes I had never seen before, he gently gripped my hand. A tiny spring of hope leaped through me.

He finally lifted himself up, with one hand he held his head, and with the other he tried to unbuckle the seatbelt. "Okay, slowly now..." I said, getting ready to help him up. Suddenly he regained a bit of strength and began to tug at the buckle. I looked down at it and watched as he tried and tried to unbuckle the seatbelt, but it wouldn't come out.

"It won't come out," he began to rip at it, making the belt to tighten. My hands were shaking and shaking even more as he kept trying. "It won't come out!" I slowly looked closer, my eyes eyes were water within each second...His pale trembling hands were tugging on the seatbelt that was jammed. He couldn't move...

He looked up to me, my eyes were stinging red as the silence grew stronger and stronger.

I never thought we'd drown together.