We're Headed for Heartbreak

Sam waited in the Impala for Dean. What did I just do? How could I do that to her? Sam thought, remorsefully. He just hung his head until Dean came back.

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Dean took the stairs to give himself time to think. If he'd been asked 30 minutes before if he thought Sam loved Madison, he'd say no with 1300% certainty. Now....now, well, he wasn't so sure. The expression on Sam's face, the quiver in his voice when he spoke before he pulled the trigger... Dean pushed open the apartment complex glass doors and out into the cool, windy night. He saw his little brother in the passenger seat, hanging his head. Dean jerked the door open, sitting quickly, and pulled the door shut in one motion as to keep the wind out. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it quickly. He knew that no words could fix this. He knew that nothing he could ever dream of saying would make Sam feel any better about pulling that trigger. He just cranked the Impala and drove towards the motel, stereo silent. When Dean pulled into the parking lot, he turned the car off and sat there with Sam, saying nothing. Dean cleared his throat quietly and spoke. "Sam," he whispered, voice cracking. Sam responded by lifting his head infinitesimally. "Sammy, you did the right thing. Even though you loved her--"

Sam interrupted, jerking his head up quickly. "Loved her? I didn't love her. I never loved her. She didn't choose the life of a monster. She was innocent, and I killed her. Now, what could you....anybody, for that matter, ever say to make that better?" Sam opened the car door and got out, slamming it shut. He stalked to the motel room and slammed that door as well.

Dean hit his head on the steering wheel. Damn it, Dean. Way to make everything so much better... He got out of his baby, sighing, and walked towards their room. He opened the door and heard the shower running. Dean laid down, face in the pillow, and shut his eyes, praying for sleep.

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Sam heard the motel door close and thought he heard bed springs creak under his brother's weight. Sliding down the wall, Sam put his head in his hands, not bothering to try to stop the hot teardrops rolling down his cheeks. He'd had enough. Enough confusion, enough sadness. I just don't know what to do anymore. The hot water had started to run out, but there was no end in sight to Sam's tears. Getting out, Sam shut off the water and, leaning on the sink, he looked at his face in the mirror. I'm gonna figure this out, and damned if its the last fucking thing I do. With a towel slung around his hips, Sam quietly left the bathroom, praying that Dean wouldn't wake up. He changed and crawled under the covers, shivering at the contact with the cold fabric. A quiet sob racked through him. Dean's snoring stuttered, then ceased. Sam held his breath, hoping that Dean would just go back to sleep. No such luck.

"Sammy? You okay?" Dean asked, pure concern dripping from his voice. Sam rolled over, took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just go back to sleep."

"No, you're not," Dean accused. "I know you better than that. Come here." Sam didn't move. "Fine. Have it your way."

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Dean threw back the covers and got out of bed, moving to get to Sam. Whatever was wrong with him, he was gonna help him. Whatever was hurting his Sammy, Dean was gonna get rid of it. He'd spent his whole life protecting his little brother and he had no plan of stopping now. He lifted the comforter and pushed at Sam's back. "Move your gigantor ass." When Sam slid over, Dean moved in behind his little brother, put his arm around his waist, and pulled him back against his chest. "It's okay, Sammy. I've got ya. Nothing's gonna happen." Sam snuggled back into his chest even more and breathed deeply, trying to calm down. Soon, his breathing evened out and the tense set of his shoulders relaxed. Dean slightly leaned forward and brushed a stray lock of hair off Sam's face. He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping Dean examined the line of his face, laced with the serenity and peace that sleep brings. He almost looks....happy. He's so beautiful like this. In his own exhaustion, Dean thought nothing about the fact that he just called his brother beautiful. Laying his head down, he fell back asleep, quicker and more comfortable than before.

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Sam moved over to make room for Dean. He felt Dean's arm slip around his waist and heard him whisper that everything was okay. He pushed himself back into his brother's chest and felt all his worries and cares, along with his tears, just melt away. Before he drifted off into dreamworld, he couldn't help but think This is where I'm supposed to be. This is where I belong