No One Knows

I knew I dug my own grave the night that Hanna had met Ainsley. I wasn't expecting the confrontation to be so soon but it was inevitable that they would run into each sooner or later and I was banking on the latter. The pain in Hanna's eyes shot through my heart as the need to pull her into my body to stop the hurt from spreading, ran through my body. The pools of green were clouding over quickly with an emotion that I couldn't read, I was too invested in Hanna that I had completely disregarded the woman that stood behind her.

My senses and emotions didn't coincide as I stood motionless, my feet cemented to the floor. Hanna stepped to the side, the warmth of her body leaving me cold and alone once again. Ainsley took her place, quickly striding her way towards me as she asked about the body that had just inhabited my own a mere few seconds ago.

My arms lazily engulfed the blonde, her hair tickling my face as she squeezed my body tightly against her own. Hanna back away slowly, her head lowered to the ground and I knew she was stopping everyone from seeing that tears were forming i her eyes. She finally turned her back, walking away quickly, never once looking back as she walked out of the changing room. I watched her body get smaller and smaller until she disappeared altogether. Once I knew she was gone I buried my face into Ainsley's neck to hide myself from the multiple glares shot towards me from around the room.

I wanted to run after Hanna, to tell her that I wasn't purposely making her life miserable. I know what I was doing to her, but I wanted some reassurance that she still loved me. In my own sick way, I found enjoyment in the sadness that I brought to her every time she saw me. There wasn't a doubt that what I was doing was fucking and utterly disgusting but I needed that safety in knowing Hanna would still love me, even if what I was doing wasn't good enough for her.

She had been through the bad and the good, throwing out compliments and words of good nature she could muster. All of them never half-assed but meaningful in their own little ways. They always put me back together when I started coming undone, through my recklessness. A minor injury didn't stop me from playing the game that had become a part of me since I first learned to walk. It was my drive and my stubbornness that has lead me to success and a near demise of my career.

My parents wanted me to follow my dreams out, no matter how risky the chance may be. But deep inside I knew they wanted me to become a doctor, I only hoped I haven't disappointed them. There were times were I wish I could quit and start anew, stop everything I knew and maybe give Hanna what she wanted.

But you would never hear those words coming from my mouth. I would go through hell twice before those very words are heard from me.

My body ached as I dropped myself onto one of the soft bar stools in the hotel the WAGs were staying in. I didn't want to go out and walk around for hours, only for Ainsley to grab three things that she had tried on more than once and hours of decision time of whether or not she wanted them. I knew Hanna would be out, possibly with Maral or Megan and I didn't want to ruin a day that could potentially be one of the best she's had since she has gotten here.

I had purposely avoided her, my mind running a million miles a minute about what lay ahead for the both of us. A child was something we put off talking about for the time we were together. The complications of my stardom made the private side of my life unmanageable, Hanna made it obvious she didn't like the paps but she put up with them for the sake of myself and our relationship. The more I think about it, I was taking more than giving. Hanna had always been the strongest between the both of us, sacrificing the little and the big things in her life for me...

To someone who didn't deserve it.

I left her at home for long periods of time, she never once complained. Only nodding her head when I gave her an excuse that I wouldn't believe myself. That's who she was, always putting up a cold front whenever something bad hurled towards her. Her feelings always bottled up and never caused unnecessary drama. She was perfectly imperfect, but I loved that about her. She never acted like she was better than anyone else, she was a leader and never a follower. A lover, instead of a fighter. I could never wrap my head around how I could hurt someone like her.

She drove me insane when she spoke in cryptic messages, never giving away any clues as to what she was referring to or talking about. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't keep me wanting more.

I knew she was different from the other girls that I had encountered in Liverpool. Her strong façade and her 'take-no-shit' attitude is what attracted me to her. I always loved a good challenge and even though I had been warned by her cold-heartedness to relationships from my teammates, I shrugged it off, already knowing that I was going to win the heart of Hanna Ibarra.

She was a firecracker, always slapping me back with comments and comebacks from compliments that seemed innocent enough to make her blush. I broke into that hard exterior, fishing out the girl she always wanted to be.

Ainsley was nothing like Hanna. She was a certified pain in the ass and a child at best, but I overlooked both flaws knowing that there was no such thing as a perfect woman. Ainsley had her days and even though she barely spoke a word of Spanish, I still wanted to be with her. She is everything I've wanted in a woman, sexy as hell with legs that go on for days, a sense of humor that doesn't go unnoticed, and no complications of a heavy and dark past looming over her head.

I had never laid that card on the table with Hanna, I knew it hurt her to talk about the past. I waited for her to tell me, I wasn't sure how to react but she was a broken woman who never knew what it was like to be in a family that willingly gave out love and support. She always had to earn them, always having to do things to prove that she was worthy of their love. I didn't understand how there were people living in this world with that mindset.

No one deserved that kind of treatment, no matter who they are.

I downed the JD that sat still in my glass, the amber liquid burning it's way into my stomach and the taste of misery left on my tongue as I slammed the glass back down. I turned in my seat, looking at the people seated in the small bar area. My brown eyes roaming the area, finally stopping at a familiar face as I got up, taking large steps to the couple.

"¿Cesc, qué pasa?" (Cesc, what's up?) my voice echoed through the open spaced room. The blonde snapped his head away from the woman accompanying him, giving me a large smile that I knew he used on his younger and older female fans.

"Nada. Esta es mi novia Gabriella," (Nothing. This is my girlfriend, Gabriella) he looked over at said girlfriend, giving her a longing look as she blushed, her eyes meeting mine to stop the deep red that was threatening to creep across her face.

"¿Cuánto paga usted?" (How much did he pay you?) I teased, shoving Cesc's shoulder as Gabriella let out a giggle shaking her head at me.

"No mucho. Estoy pensando en subir el precio de mantener este acto," (Not much. I'm thinking of raising the prices to keep up this act) she gave Cesc a wink, while he rolled his eyes but kissed her cheek nonetheless.

I sat down, taking the time to talk to Cesc other than on the bench where we had taken residency. He was just as upset to not be able to play a part in winning the the title of 'Campeones'. It was tough going into the World Cup with an injury and even though I was for the most part an official benchwarmer, I still had hope that I would get some play time.

It was frustrating having to watch your teammates playing to their hearts content, something that I thrived for since the last World Cup. It was a little boy's dream to be able to say that they won the World Cup, that they were the ones that helped bring the winning title back home. It was proving to be difficult with how uncertain del Bosque has been about letting me back on he pitch. I would play for bits at a time, usually near the end of the game, but it was better than nothing and I wasn't going to complain about playing time.

The paps were no better at making my journey here a miserable one at best. There'd been talks about my inability to play to my full potential, that I was on the brink of becoming a washed up has-been footy player, , even at the mere age of twenty-six. The paps could be complete wankers when they wanted to be, never leaving me alone to myself. Always making up ridiculous stories about my sexual life and how I rather play for a Spanish club. None of them true but that is the price I have to pay to be me.

The hotel lobby started to crowd with people, most of them teammates coming in from their day out with their loved ones. My eyes scanned the small groups that walked by, smiles painted happily onto their faces, bags swinging back and forth in their hands as they made their way towards the elevators. I couldn't turn away from the sight, jealous of what my teammates had and what I could've had if I wasn't so afraid of myself and my insecurities.

Xabi walked by, waving to both Cesc and I through the clear glass while he had Jon on his shoulders. Nagore following closely behind, cradling Ane in her arms. I felt a sharp stab in my heart knowing that the child growing inside Hanna will never encounter a familial experience such as Xabi was portraying with his.

I looked down onto my arms, Hanna's name etched permanently onto my skin as a reminder of the immense amounts of love we had shared. I had forgotten the tattoo was on my arm and I now realized why Ainsley always disliked them. Cesc cleared his throat to get my attention, tossing his head towards the open window to see the person walking into the hotel. My eyes finally trained themselves on the woman that walked through the hotel doors, a man trailing behind her with bags in his large hands. I got up from my seat, my eyes never leaving the couple as I felt both Cesc's and Gabriella's eyes on me.

"No hagas nada estúpido." (Don't do anything stupid) Gabriella cooed, looking behind her shoulder at the couple.

"Pendejo," I muttered, watching as he inched his way closer to the girl, pulling her into his arms before dropping a light kiss on her forehead. My fingers dug into the black wooden table, my knuckles turning white from the vice like grip. I could've broken the table if I wanted, but I wasn't up to paying for something that wasn't stable to begin with.

She let out a small smile, biting her lower lip as she grabbed the bag from his hands. She looked behind herself once more before making her way towards the elevators. My eyes blinded with fury as I shifted my way towards the bar doors and towards the front entrance of the hotel lobby. The man walked quickly to his car as I jogged my way over, stopping short as he leaned down to unlock the car door.

My actions spoke before I could think things through, my arms and hands barricading the man to the car as he had a look of surprise on his face. His grimaced as his head collided with the roof of the car, the pain working his way down his body.

"¿Qué estás haciendo?" (What are you doing?) His voice was abnormally calm and soothing as a smirk made its way on his face. I pushed him harder into the car, people around were watching on as I loosened my grip, not wanting anyone to run to the paps about this.

"Pedazo de mierda," (Piece of shit) I growled lowly, only loud enough for him to hear. "Te dije que se mantenga alejado," (I told you to stay away)

He started laughing, I let go of his shirt that was balled together in my hands as he rested his back against the car, straightening his shirt before he crossed his arms across his chest. "¿Pensaste que se escucha?" (Did you think I would listen?) He asked, the look on his face almost belittling me.

"Pensé que eras un amigo!" (I thought you were a friend!) I chided. Throwing my hands wildly around to get my point across.

"Yo soy tu amigo Fernando, pero Hanna no te necesita. No puede darle lo que quiere," (I am your friend Fernando, but Hanna doesn't need you. I can give her what she wants) He merely shrugged, opening the car door pulling himself in. He was right, the truth always hurt and to know that others knew that Hanna could do better made me feel like complete shit.

"Ella no te quiere, Xavi!" (She doesn't want you, Xavi) I yelled. It wasn't that I was trying to tear him down. I was proving more to myself that Hanna would never want Xavi, that she would never go after a teammate, no matter how much she hated me.

At least, I hope that she wouldn’t do that.

"Ella siguió adelante, Fernando. ¿Por qué no hacer lo mismo?" (She's moved on, Fernando. Why don't you do the same?) I stood still, my body shaking from the anger that was building inside of me. Xavi gave me a wink before pulling away from the sidewalk, no doubt heading back to the hotel we were staying in.

My eyes burned holes into the black car as it sped off, a silver one now occupying the space that Xavi and previously been in. Ainsley smiled, getting out of the car as she took the opportunity to skip over, kissing my cheek before opening the back of the car to see the hundreds of shopping bags that sprawled across both seats. I cringed, wondering the big dent that had caused on my credit card.

"What's wrong with you? Why aren't you happy to see me?" Ainsley whined, her heels caused a clacking noise on the pavement as she stomped her foot in frustration from the lack of attention. I rolled my eyes, dropping a kiss onto her forehead as I helped her grab the bags from the back.

She let out a content sigh as my hands and arms were loaded with shopping bags. I followed behind her like a lost puppy, my teammates passed by coercing me to also grab their things to bring them upstairs. I let out an unamused laugh, hurriedly making my way towards the steel box to stop the ridicule thrown my way.

I sucked in my bottom lip as I saw Maral standing off to the far corner of the elevator, her eyes squinting to portray the hatred she had for both me and Ainsley. She was a spitfire, that one. I always wondered how Sergio handled her, but to each his own. Maral wasn’t one to mess with, she was one of Hanna’s best friends, one that wasn’t afraid to bite back if provoked. She told things like it is, never once backing down from an argument unless she won. She let out a groan and rolled her eyes as Ainsley snuggled herself into my side, who was clearly making a show of it to Maral. I was disgusted by her childish behavior, peeling myself away from her grip as the handles of the numerous shopping bags indented red marks into my arms.

“Puta,” Maral muttered under her breath. Sergio sent her a warning look, a look she disregarded.

“Lo siento, Fernando,” Sergio reasoned to me, I gave a small smile shaking my head as if it wasn’t anything. And it surely wasn’t. Words were words, it was the physical aspect of what Maral was capable of that scared me the most.

“Is there really a need to speak Spanish? I can’t speak any...” Ainsley spat towards both Maral and Sergio. Maral’s eyes turning red with hate as Sergio stood slightly in front of her to stop his girlfriend from lunging herself onto mine. “No talkie in es-pan-yal! O... kay?” She said slowly, as if they didn’t understand English.

Thankfully, there were only two more stops until we reached the floor that Maral and Hanna lived on. I wanted to see if she would be in the halls but I knew in the off chance that she wouldn’t be loitering around aimlessly. The ding signaled that we were on the fifteenth floor, Sergio pushed Maral out as quickly as possible before any harm was done.

Maral stopped short of the elevator doors, Sergio stood in back, holding one side of the doors to stop them from completely shutting. Her eyes burned holes into the blonde woman next to me, her eyes sizing her up and down as she looked at me and scoffed.

“Tener cuidado. Te mato, puta ignorante," (Be careful. I will kill you, ignorant bitch) Maral spewed. Sergio yanked Maral out of the elevator, he mumbled words under his breath as he scolded her for saying such hurtful words. Before I could hear her response the doors closed them off, leaving me to wonder what Maral’s reasons were for the hatred of Ainsley. There’s a possibility I already knew. As default, she was Hanna’s best friend, she would obviously dislike Ainsley for the reason of Hanna’s hatred towards my girlfriend. I was scared for Ainsley’s life, but of course she stood there a confused look on her face as if she was waiting me to translate for her. She stepped away, a hand on her hip as she cocked her head to the side for her translation.

“Uh. She said to watch out when you shower, South Africa has something in the water that sometimes makes your hair green,” I lied. Her face softened, gasping as she nodded her head vigorously, not even bothering to offer to help me with the pounds of clothes that hung on my arms. Her fingers twirled themselves into her platinum blonde hair, the strands glistening against the elevator lights.

I had grown used to seeing dark tresses, loving every minute of the exoticness it exuded. Hanna loved being a brunette, never once giving into society and turning her hair a pitiful shade of blonde that would only take away her natural beauty. She loved wearing make-up and dressing up, but she opted in dressing down and laying around. That’s the way I loved her the most.

The elevators stopped on Ainsley’s floor as she slid the key card into the slot before pushing it open. She demanded a room to herself, saying that she needed as much privacy as possible and that the thought of kids touching and going through her things would drive her mad. I hesitantly agreed, handing the receptionist my credit card as a charge was made. Ainsley was a last minute edition, del Bosque and the coordinators of the Spanish National Team were in no way going to add another person into their budget.

It was a sacrifice that needed to be made to be able to bring her here.

I dropped the bags onto the floor next to her bed, lying down instantly before I heard the ruffling of tissue paper and wrappings. Ainsley stood up, crawling onto the bed and straddling me before holding out to me what looked like dental floss and a piece of fabric that barely covered any part of her body. I smirked, grabbing at her thighs as she leaned down pressing a kiss against my lips.

She pulled away, sauntering her way into the bathroom, the outfit in hand as she closed the door slowly. I sighed, rolling onto my stomach as my phone vibrated from above my head I pressed the ignore button as my mother called many times to get a hold of me. I knew she would be upset if she knew I was purposely ignoring her but I was in no mood for her antics tonight. I needed to forget about the events that had happened today and Ainsley was just the right person for the job.

The door re-opened as Ainsley stood in the blood red lingerie, her hands skimming the top of her panties as she walked towards me. I grabbed her hips as soon as she was in close distance, throwing her on the bed before attacking her neck with multiple kisses. My phone rang again, I stopped, turning it off before turning my attention to the blonde writing underneath me.

I was already going to hell, might as well add on more to the list of reasons why.

▲▼

The air was cool as I sat on the bench with the substitutes. I was mortified that I wasn’t starting but it was the injury holding me back. This was the game, the game that determined whether or not Spain would be playing against the Netherlands. The Germans were a quality team, their strengths lying within the young players recruited. They had always placed third, but at least they had been able to extend themselves that far into the competition. This would be a first for Spain. No matter win or lose, we will always be the generation that pushed themselves into the final four and hopefully, the final two.

Iker had made it his job to speak words of wisdom and even though I would roll my eyes and chide that he shouldn’t act all ‘holier than thou’ but I knew he was only doing it to bring hope. The changing room was eerily quiet afterwards, everyone in their own little world as silent prayers were chanted over and over again... all of them the same.

To give us the power and strength to succeed.

I wanted to be the one in the tunnel, the one that would be walking onto the pitch to play against the team that was holding us back from playing in the finals. It was another obstacle to overcome, but I had faith that my team could hold themselves up without my help.

Call me conceited but I know I was one of the best, there is no denying that fact. But it was time for those that hid in the shadows to make an appearance, to show the world what they are made of. To prove that they didn’t need to play along side of me or my name to make them worthy of looking at.

The teams started heading out of the tunnels as I craned my neck to look at them. Xavi walked out, his face full of determination as he stayed focused the entire way. He caught sight of me, giving me a sly smirk as he walked onto the pitch where they were meet both the refs and the opposing team. I felt sick to my stomach, knowing that he was holding this over my head, the fact that I was as worthless as the dirt on my cleats.

He knew I wanted to play more than anything.

“¿Están usted y Xavi pelean entre sí?” (Are you and Xavi arguing?) Javi muttered next to me. I shook my head, not wanting to explain the months of bickering with Xavi about my relationship.

“No es nada,” (No it's nothing) I boldly stated, crossing my arms across my chest as I waited for the teams to form a line. The guys, wrapped their arms around each other, humming and singing along to the anthem of our home. No matter if they were Catalan or not, we still formed a team of brothers. Well, some of us brothers... others enemies.

Javi dropped the subject after the anthem played, shrinking himself back onto the bench were he sat with me regularly. It was a shame he had no playing time, but at his young age he still had years of knowledge, skill, and wisdom to learn.

The game started and it was frustrating watching the boys struggle to get a goal. Germany’s defense was on their game, blocking every potential goal. Thomas Mueller had been carded and suspended from the game that could have lead his team to the finals. He was a strength on the team and even though I would have loved the challenge this only made our hopes into the finals an even greater one. I would be lying if I said this wasn’t going to be a close game. We were playing up our attacks, fatigue and tiredness slowing down their bodies as they ran up and down the pitch. They weren’t giving up anytime soon though, we were trained to be stronger than that, if we wanted to win we needed to play like winners.

Carles shot out of no where in the ’74 minute, scoring a goal that Germany tried to reason was offsides. I jumped out of my seat along with the other boys, del Bosque raising his fist in the air to show his excitement. The celebrations died down and the wait for the minutes to tick in the end were dragging along slowly.

“Torres. Venga aqui,” (Come here) I hopped up from my seat, slowly walking to del Bosque as he sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “Prepararse. Usted va en,” (Get ready. You are going in)

A large smile crept on my face as I stretched my legs out, jogging up and down behind the white lines before I had to stand and wait for David to come off the pitch for my turn. We clasped hands, congratulating on a good game before I ran and took my spot that David had inhabited. It was now my job to help keep the ball out of Iker’s way and even though he was an impressive goalie, he needed all the help he could get.

The time ticked quickly towards the end of the game. It didn’t even feel like I was on the field for five minutes, but that was the difference of sitting on the bench and playing on the pitch. The crowd around us went crazy with the incessant sounds of vuvuzelas and cheering. The crowd started diminishing as the WAGs made their ways onto the pitch. David jogged up behind me, clapping my shoulder before running towards Patricia and his two beautiful daughters.

Ainsley stood off to the side, no one near her as she looked around awkwardly at the remaining German players and Spanish players that didn’t have their loved ones present.

I walked slowly towards her, my eyes wandering to Xavi worked his way towards Hanna. He grabbed her from behind and placing a kiss on her temple before she spun around congratulating him. His mother and sister stood by, watching on at the two. They were enablers, I knew Maria-Merce was never a fan of me, she somehow knew I would in turn end up hurting Hanna. And I only fed more into her dislike for me.

“¿Un nuevo padre para el bebé?” (A new father for the baby?) Sergio joked, looking over at the affection Xavi was piling onto Hanna. She willingly accepted them, her white teeth gleaming up at the man that had tried for years to get Hanna to be his. And he was succeeding.

“Nadie va a ser el padre, menos yo. Voy a matarlo si tengo que," (No one is going to be the dad except me. I will kill him if i have to) I muttered, leaving behind a confused and frazzled Sergio.

Hanna was going to be mine forever, no matter if she is with someone or not. And even though I had Ainsley she could never hold a candle to Hanna.

She will always belong to me and no one can change that.