Did My Art Teacher Just Flirt With Me?

Days... weeks... months... School year was mellow. I've gotten scholarships for the college course of this school. It helps pay tuition for dorms, textbooks, and other things I'll probably need. Drop Dead Diary, Alex and Robin's band has gotten pretty popular as they continued to write songs and get ready for the biggie.

Recording.

Of course they got the a-okay from Mr. Coleman. Their band had potential as my dad liked to say, speaking of which I also have a baby brother. Two months old, jet black hair and green eyes, small as a pumpkin with the sweetest voice and very, very cuddly. He's also very light for a baby but the doctor said he'd be alright. Jason. Jason will be alright.

Another big thing that's happening. My birthday. Today. Now. Here. My house. A large fricken party. Sad thing is, I'm not happy. I'm not happy I'm older. I'm not happy with anything. Alex never spoke to me since that night at T.S.P. Robin's getting to busy to even speak to me. I've been alone for a long while now.

It gave me time to think. For seven looong months, I sat in my room, doing my homework thinking. Listening to Alex sleep without so much as a single note from his guitar strings. It crushed me bad. He no longer spoke to me, looked at me. Acknowledged me. I guess I do deserve that since I tried to do the same.

The worse part is, after all that thinking I came to a horrible conclusion.

I love Alex.

That's the truth, and I'm so afraid to tell him, to tell Robin, to anyone, but mostly, I'm afraid to tell even tell myself.
****
You've been looking kind of down." Dave said in a serious tone I bare recognized as he sat with me during lunch.

I looked at him with a false smile and shrugged. "Just tired."

"On you're birthday?" His eyes raised in suspicion and I knew he wasn't stupid. "You've been like this for a while... so has Alex." He paused sucking on his chocolate milk. "Have you talked to Jenine about it?"

I shrugged. I couldn't really talk to Jenine much anyway. She had "Neil" now. Her boyfriend. They've gone out for a while. A steady yet heart-warming relationship that was so simple and their bond unbreakable.

If only my love like was like that.

But that's not the case.

Dave was the only one who was able to talk to me for a while now since Neil was busy with Jenine, Alex in his room getting papers graded and his music deal straightened. Robin finished up his semester four months ago and now he was just busy with his music career with his Upstart Records. Everybody was moving foward in life.

Except me.

It's only been eight months but in that small amount of time everything changed not including myself. My internal clocked stopped. I'm still the same Rachael. With nothing planned and nothing to look foward to. Where will I go from here?

Dave sighed as he pulled me into an unexpected embrace. He held me tightly making me squirm in his grip. "Let go Dave, stop being a weirdo."

He only laughed as he let go. "Just trying to lighten the mood up. You're in a crappier mood than usual, wanna tlalk it over with some icecream or a birthday cake?" I smiled at Dave, alittle happy that he remember my birthday. Jenine had sent me a text. That's it. Some "best" friend.

"Hahahaha." I laughed. "Yea later, I'm supposed to go home early because my dad wants to throw me a birthday party tonight, you can come of course."

Dave grinned. "Of course I'm coming."

"Cool." At least my mood lightened up.
****
After school Dave and I walked home together. We mostly talked about bugs. Why? I don't know but he's starting to bug me.

Get it? Bug. Me? Okay... bad joke.

I opened the door trying to hold in whatever laughter that was about to burst through my lips and stopped as I turned on the lights.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHAEL!!!"

Inside was my art class, Alex, Robin, my dad, and Gina, but the one person that really caught my eyes was Alex who stood in the back, his shoulder leaned up against the hallway walls, no smile but a he did look at me, His eyes were somber as he turned around and retreated to his room.

I clutched my chest.

"Dude, she's speechless." Jordan grinned, a freshie in my class.

Marilyn smiled with her long brunette hair over her shoulders, "She's like having a heart attack, look at her clutch her chest!" She laughed. "Hey come on! Crack a smile! We spent two weeks planning this!"

Dave pushed me in saying "Hey turn up the music! Birthday girl's here to start the party!"

I bit my lip as the door slammed to Alex's room. Was he mad? Does he hate me now? After all this time... he still won't even talk to me?? Not even on my birthday??

I held my breath holding in my tears but they quickly escaped in no time and Robin, who had snuck up on me, looked at me in concern. "Hey, what's the matter?"

I looked up at Robin shaking my head with a struggled smile. "Ever heard of tears of joy?"

Robin laughed, lightly smacking me in the back as I wiped them away. "You're funny Rachael! Enjoy the party, you're dad and your step mom will be back with a surprise."

I grinned faintly and gave Robin a hug. "God you're such a loser, keeping this party from me..." I sniffed.

"What are you talking about? Me? Keep this party a secret?" He laughed in a mocking voice. "All I did was... just not tell you hahaha"

With that I tried to focus on only having fun. After all, I can't let this party go to waste. But only after twenty minutes could I only let my mind drift over to Alex and I felt horrible again. Robin left to help out with the birthday cake in the kitchen and Dave was out with a few girls doing... well god knows really.

I found myself drifting over to the hallway and right in the middle of the entrance to Alex's room. I could hear his guitar stringing along in another melody, and even with the loud party music on, it still wasn't enough to hide his music.

"Hands at my side oh will I live or die
I'll be strong
This is my life
Through open eyes
This is my life
Through open eyes
Why you so scared-"

I opened the door without realizing it. Old habits die hard, after all it's been so long since I've heard his voice from his bedroom. He immediately stopped playing and his eyes flew to mine with iciness dripping like poison. I froze with confusion and fear standing there like the idiot I was.

Alex was sweaty, He was obviously practicing his songs all this time and I just interrupted him. At that moment I was just happy to see his face that it actually brought tears to my eyes again. His eyes soften as he stood up and walked over his hand at his door as he began to close it before I stuck my foot in it's way.

He paused, looking at me and only me. We stood still like that for what felt like forever until he let the door go.

"What do you want?" He said in a tired voice. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

I looked at my feet. "No..." I whispered.

Alex swallowed as he grabbed the door again. "Please remove your foot."

I shook my head. "No..."

"Why not?" He said softly. "Is there something wrong?"

"No..." I said.

"Then let me close the door." His voice became harder as he lightly squished my foot with the door.

"No."

"Then what do you want? You want me to leave the room? Party with the class like I'm supposed to be happy for you? Happy that you have Robin, that your life is perfect without me? What? Do you want me to leave the house?-"

I said nothing, shocked as he continued to speak.

"...Well you don't have to worry about that anymore, I'm leaving in one month for New York. You can go on with your college and phone, email, whatever with Robin and you'll never have to see me again." He snapped.

I was bawling by the time he finished and I thought he was going to break my foot with the door when he began to tremble, gripping tightly at it's wooden edge but instead he flung it opened. He walked further into the hallway and I looked at him, knowing where he was going. The back door.

Running after him, I managed to catch him before he stepped outside. "Wait!" I chocked.

He stopped. "Wait? Wait? I've waited eight long month's Rachael." He said. "Everytime I look at you I feel like I'm going to shoot myself. Out of guilt, out of love, out of pain!"

I stayed silent feeling a pang of guilt in my chest. I didn't know he felt that way but still... it was my fault. I should've said something too. "I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Sorry?" He turned around to look at me with his glossy eyes. "Rachael, I can't stand it. Do you realize how much I love you and you're just... going with Robin? Do you even like him like that?"

I had to admit. Robin and I didn't get seriuos. Not that he didn't want to but it's just that I refused to. For eight long months, I held a dark secret. A secret that tore my heart to peices. I loved Alex and I was hurting Robin just by staying with him. "No..." I muttered.

Alex must've thought I'd answer differently because he looked at me with a very confused expression. "No?"

"No..." I whispered through tears. "Alex... I... I'm sorry." I cried softly.

Alex stood there silently just watching.

"Do you know how stupid I am?" I almost laughed but it was choked by my tears. "I always loved you but I was afraid to get hurt. I was angry so I chose to stay with Robin." I paused taking a deep breath. "I thought... if I stayed with him, I could be happier and... because I just couldn't reject someone I owe so much too."

"Rachael..." Alex muttered.

"Alex..." I said said in-between breaths. "Please..." I swallowed hard. "Help me..."

I was at my end here and the only thing I could think about was my dream I had so long ago. The one where we were all drowning at sea. The one that needed saving was me and I chose to be rescued by Alex. Just like I am now.

Alex was crying silently as he approached me with a hug. Tightening his grip around me as I wrapped my arms around him too. I felt like everything just crumbled beneath my feet as I cried into his shoulder. Alex held me in his strong grip before pulling me into a soft kiss.

I kissed him back hard. Holding him tightly as if I was scared a current my pull me away from him but I was there. Safe in my own house, loud "party boy" beats echoing in the halls. I was whole. I was safe.

I was saved.
****
Robin sighed as he walked out of hte kitchen sweating like a pig. It was hell's kitchen in there and the cake was no where near... edible. The group decided to order it instead. Robin made his way through the dancing crowd to try and find Rachael. He spotted Dave sprawled out on the couch with a couple of girls looking like he was high on cloud nine.

"Hey." Robin said nudging Dave in the side, "Where's Rachael?"

Dave looked up with a puzzled look. "Rachael who?"

"My girlfriend doofus, where is she man?" Robin snapped slighlty annoyed.

"In the back halls... I don't know... I don't know..." He said in-between laughs. "Hey girls, let's play spin the bottle!"

Robin rolled his eyes as he rushed off into the back hallways. He stoppped. His eyes widened as he backed away against the dark shadows of a corner. There was Rachael in Alex's arms. Both kissing eachother hard. He felt anger shot through his veins like hot steam. He was just about to scream, punch Alex and pull Rachael away, but when he took another glance his heart tore.

Rachael was crying. She looked relieved. When he heard her say "I love you." He knew even if he tore them apart he'd only hurt Rachael. He'd hurt himself. Robin slowly backed away then ran off through the crowds, through the kitchen and out the front door.

For some reason, he felt releived. Releived to finally see Rachael happy for once.