The Pros And Cons Of Breathing

Frank's POV

I am just the guitar player in your band. You call me your friend too, that's it.
Nothing more, not even a best friend. My Chemical Romance has been successful for all those years, it still is today. Bob Bryar left the band, but we are still a well-known band and our next album is coming out soon. I just posted a blog on our site with the message that Bob left the band. I didn't tell them the reason why, though. He left us because he is my best friend and he can't handle seeing you destroying me. He helps me with my problems, but he doesn't want to be in a band with his depressed best friend anymore.

I also told the fans that Jamia and I are having twins. You have to know that's a lie, Gerard.
Jamia isn't my wife and she has a boyfriend. I just don't want the fans to know that I am deeply in love with you. I didn't want you to know at first, but I can't hide everything anymore.
I want to hate you for what you did to me, but I just can't.

I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself

Before you married your lucky girl, I thought life was good. You used to smile at me all the time, kiss me on stage and you used to have a 'crush' on me. But it never got any further. My feelings were beyond a crush, Gerard. I loved you for all those years and I still do. After your marriage you began to ignore me. You still talked to me sometimes, but it wasn't the same anymore.

Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me

Your happy wedding crushed my heart. I could see the love for her in your eyes. That's why I acted so weird that day, you broke my heart. You never talked to me again like we used to talk. I can remember the days when we sat close to each other, just talking all night long.
After your marriage you talked about Lyn Z all the time. How beautiful, sweet and funny she was.

Hide the details I don't want to know a thing

When you talk to me now, it feels so impersonal. Like you have to think to yourself 'what's his name again?'

I hate the way you say my name like it's something secret

I am typing this message on my computer for Gerard, then he suddenly walks into the tour bus.
Completely ignoring me, again.

"Hi," I croak out as he looks at me and smiles politely.

"Hey, Lyn and I are gonna walk on the beach, OK?" He says and grabs his shoes.
No, not okay. You're tearing me apart.

"Yeah, sure. Have fun," I smile bitterly.
He nods and waves me goodbye. Farewell, beautiful Gerard.

That moment, one minute ago, was the last time you'll ever see me alive. Why? Because after sending you this letter, I'm going to end my life. But let's get back to the story...

After your marriage we never hugged or kissed again like we used to. You made me feel so worthless and invisible.

I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel

Last month I told Bob about everything. I told him I was slowly dying inside. He wanted to help me, and he did for a few weeks, but his help isn't enough anymore.

I tried to forget about you, but it didn't work. Because everything about you is so perfect to me. I can't live without you.

If I could move I'm sure it would only be to crawl back to you

That's why I'm going to end my life. I hope this letter explains everything.
Don't feel bad, I understand why you don't love me. I'm just an ugly friend of yours.
Forget about me, live your life with your awesome girl. I mean these words, I just want you to be happy.

By now, my wrists are slit and I'm dying.

Goodbye, Gerard.
I will love you forever.

'xox Frank.