Mixed Feelings of Elation

Neon laid back on one of the lounge chairs. She freshened up before going to the backyard to meet the rest of RxN, changing into a pair of shorts with an elastic waistband and loose tank top.

The tank top had fit perfectly last week.

Neon watched the members of the band splash around in the pool. Their laughs rang in the air, carefree. An ache ran through Neon's heart. She used to be carefree. She used to have fun. Then she stopped eating. Even after the psychiatric ward, she couldn't find herself fully letting go. She simply faked her happiness a majority of the time.

It was in the psychiatric ward that she found out she was sterile. It was there that she realized dreams of having a big family were impossible. At the time, she was relatively okay with it. She didn't think she would ever find a guy to call her own if they all acted like Alex. Plus, she still had her parents and her little sister. She would have some family.

Now she only had Arpeggio, who had flourished into a beautiful, young lady under her watchful eye. She had the members of RxN and their families too. They were like one big family.

That didn't help the pain of not being able to have children.

One day, she would have to break the news to them. She would have to expose her deepest secret, something that should have never been a secret.

Dante climbed out of the pool, leaving the hysterical splashing. He walked to the lounge chair next to Neon and sat, taking his glasses from the table and placing them on the bridge of his nose.

"Had fun in the midst of a water explosion?" Neon asked.

"They're too much for me," Dante looked out over the pool, "I haven't seen a water war this fierce since Chad Michael's pool party sophomore year."

"Oh, I remember that. I fell ten minutes into the party, scratched my knee, and started crying like a big baby."

"Then Armand sauntered his fine ass over to help you up. Once you stopped blubbering, he asked you out."

"And I started crying again," Neon laughed.

Dante laughed too, "Oh my gosh, that was the highlight of the night."

"I agree," Neon wiped tears from her eyes.

Laughing hurt her rib cage. Her skin stretched over her ribs and she could feel her insides hitting against them. It was enough to bring tears to her eyes.

The two stopped laughing, taking deep breaths to soothe their aching sides.

"To think, we didn't even want to go," Dante said.

"I'm glad we went," Neon stated.

She was. At that party, she met the boy she would fall in love with by the end of sophomore year, the boy who opened her eyes to things she would never have dreamed of. It took her months to save up enough money to pay for a babysitter for her younger sister but it was worth it.

"Me too," Dante said, "We all wouldn't be where we are now if it weren't for that party. You would have never found the courage to talk to Armand during school."

"This is true."

"I miss him still. He was a great guy."

"You're the one who glared at him the whole night at that party because he was taking your best friend away from you."

"Well, I'm sorry for caring about your safety. He could have drugged your drink."

"But he didn't," Neon pointed out.

Dante shrugged, "Armand was too nice to do that type of thing."

Neon nodded. Armand would never have hurt anyone. His heart would never have allowed it.

"I miss him too, by the way," Neon said.

Dante turned to face Neon, worry shining in his eyes, "You're okay, right? With the whole Arpeggio moving out thing."

"I'm fine," Neon replied.

"I was just asking because you always treated her like your daughter. I don't want you to go through the pain some parents go through by yourself."

"She hasn't even been gone a full day yet and she's already back here, swimming in my pool."

Though, Neon didn't doubt that Arpeggio's visits would become less frequent in the future. They would see each other at practice.

It wasn't Arpeggio leaving that hurt Neon in the first place. Yes, she would miss seeing her sister daily but that wasn't the reason Neon was upset. The idea of having a child left with Arpeggio. Her leaving forced Neon to stop seeing Arpeggio as a daughter and more as a sister.

There was Claudia, who could have filled that spot, but Neon couldn't kidnap her and keep her in her house. Lestat's mother would have noticed.

"I still want to make sure you're okay. My door is always open if you need anything. And if you need a buddy to help you finish off a container of Ben and Jerry's, you can come to me," Dante said.

"You're my favorite half-gay," Neon stated, smiling.

"And you're my favorite anorexic."

"You mean you haven't replaced me with Nicole Richie yet?"

"Ew, no. She's kissing up on Joel Madden. I much prefer you and your Alex Gaskarth make out sessions."

Neon choked on her saliva. Dante stared at her over the frame of his glasses as she coughed. She must have thought he wouldn't find out about the kiss. Arpeggio informed the whole band that morning that Neon had, in fact, kissed Alex Gaskarth the night before.

"What are you talking about?" Neon asked once her composure was regained.

"You making kissy face with Gaskarth last night."

"That never happened," Neon denied.

"Don't bullshit me. Alex told Jack, obviously. Jack told Arpeggio, which again is obvious. And Arpeggio told us. Poor girl can't keep a secret to save her life."

After Arpeggio opened up so much, the band realized the girl couldn't be trusted with any secret. Unless she didn't know it was a secret. She got too excited and told whoever would listen.

But she was an eighteen year old who found her voice, she had an excuse.

"You guys weren't supposed to find out," Neon stated.

"We did though. The doughnuts were in case you were hungry after a long night of love making with Alex."

"I didn't have sex with Alex."

"We know that too. We checked your room while you were sleeping and didn't see him. At first we thought that he left in the middle of the night without telling you. There was a whole plot to kick his ass. Then you walked into the kitchen and it was pretty obvious you hadn't had sex."

"It's not comforting that you guys know how I look after I've had sex."

"Yeah, well it happens. How was that kiss?"

Neon had pushed the kiss to the farthest place in the back of her mind the night before. What she felt confused her. Dante's question brought the memory back, vibrant and full of energy.

"It was," Neon hesitated, "just a kiss."

"Just a kiss?" Dante asked, "You have got to be joking. You didn't feel anything."

Neon shrugged, "I don't know what I felt."

"We all know you are harboring some secret attraction to the boy. Why can't you just accept it?"

"It's Alex. I can't like Alex. That goes against everything I've ever stood for."

"You can't stop yourself from liking someone."

"But he was such a dick in high school. I can't forgive him for that."

Dante sighed. Neon was too dense to see that Alex liked her in high school. Alex was only a freshman when he started picking on her; that was his way of saying her liked her at the time.

Dante opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a shadow covering them. They turned their heads toward the cause of the shadow, meeting a sight of Arpeggio standing innocently with her hand behind her back.

"What do you need, honey?" Neon asked.

Arpeggio said nothing, instead pulling a water gun from behind her back. Dante's mouth dropped. Neon stared at her sister in disbelief. That was her biggest water gun. The one she kept hidden in one of the closets.

"What are you doing with that?" Neon asked, slowly getting out of her lounge chair.

Dante followed her actions, moving to stand behind the tallest part of the chair. Arpeggio pointed the water gun at her sister and pulled the trigger. Water hit Neon's front, soaking through her tank top and shorts. Neon looked down at herself, then back at her sister in shock.

"Oops," Arpeggio continued her mock innocent act, smiling cheekily.

"You better run," Neon said.

Arpeggio dropped the gun and ran. Neon followed close on her tail. Both sisters were laughing as they raced around the pool.