Mixed Feelings of Elation

"So why did Alex just walk out of here in his underwear looking like a kicked puppy?" Dante asked.

Neon's face crumbled, tears bursting from her eyes. Dante's eyes widened. He immediately sat up from his lounging position and motioned for Neon to sit down. She had never cried in front of anyone when she wasn't injured before; it shocked Dante to see her start crying so randomly. She tried her damned hardest not to cry about Armand in public. The only time she had recently was during the interview nine months ago; he supposed the trip down memory lane was a bit too graphic. Whatever just happened was big.

Neon sat on the couch near Dante. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his chest. His fingers ran through her overly grown pink hair. Soft coos that he didn't even know he was capable of were whispered while she wept. Her sobs quieted, simple tears running down her cheeks.

Neon didn't know why she crumbled so fast. She had been able to hold herself together for most things but this was just too much.

"What happened?" Dante asked.

"I did something stupid," Neon replied, still pressed against Dante's chest.

"Like what?"

Neon pulled away from Dante and looked him the eyes. She didn't need to think about whether or not she needed to tell him. He had become her closest friend since that day during freshman year. Closer than Jazz. Time and distance tore them apart. Jazz had made friends in high school that she was closer with than Neon and Neon had done the same. But they did still care for each other.

"You can not repeat this to anyone," Neon said.

Dante wouldn't have done that in the first place. They both knew that.

"I promise," Dante said.

"I slept with Alex," Neon stated.

"When you say 'slept with' do you mean," he trailed off.

"We fucked like wild beast till two in the morning," Neon replied.

"Oh my," Dante said, clearly shocked by her choice of words.

"Yeah."

"You know, if anyone in the band catches wind of this, you're going to go through a lot of harassment."

"That's why you can't tell anyone."

"Won't Alex tell?"

"After what just happened, I'm sure he won't."

Dante didn't know what she was talking about. He had been laying out on her couch when Alex walked through the living room, clad in only boxer briefs, and walked out the front door. That was the extent of his knowledge on the situation.

And, of course, he assumed the worst.

"Did he walk out on you? I swear to the holy power above that I will kick Alex's ass all the way Vietnam," Dante said.

"No. We got in an argument."

"Did he start it?"

"Not technically."

"What happened?"

Tears perched behind the floodgates of Neon's eyes again.

"I told him that no one could find out about this and he didn't take it well. So we started arguing and I told him to get out after accusing him of sleeping with me simply because he didn't have to use a condom. I haven't eaten properly in so long; I wasn't thinking right," Neon answered.

Dante tilted his head. A few of those "facts" didn't sit right in his mind. He didn't doubt that argument did, in fact, happen. That was likely to be truth. All of it was likely to be true. But there were some things that just made him uneasy.

"There four things very wrong with that statement," Dante pointed out.

"What?" Neon asked.

"Well, first, you haven't eaten properly in a long time. I don't know how long you consider a long time but it's obvious that it's been awhile. That's a major relapse, Neon. You may have to go back to the psychiatric ward if this doesn't get better. Do you want the tube again?"

The feeding tube; that's what he was referring to. Last time, she was too underweight and she refused to eat to gain weight so the doctors put a feeding tube in her stomach via surgery. They made the mistake of not restraining her arms while it was in and she pulled out. The doctors made the same mistake three times and finally strapped her down so she could get nutrients.

"No, I don't want the tube," Neon mumbled.

"Then you need to eat."

"Okay, that's one of four. What else is wrong with what I said?"

"Two go hand-in-hand. Alex sleeping with you for any reason other than him liking you is ridiculous, as is telling him not to tell someone. That boy has been in love with you since freshman year."

"No, he hasn't."

"Why else would he have teased you?"

"Because he didn't like me."

"That couldn't be farther from the truth. You were something he felt he couldn't attain and that scared him. But he wanted you, not because you were challenge. Because something about you drew him to you."

"That doesn't explain why he made fun of me."

"You intimidated him. I think you still do but he's found different ways to cope."

"How would you know this?"

"I know men, honey."

"You're half-gay is showing, Dante."

"It's being liberated by Dorian and his douche bag self," Dante cringed.

Neon laughed. Dorian and Dante just could not get along fully. If Dorian was quiet, they were fine. The minute he would start talking, Dante would tell him to shut up. It's how their friendship worked, as twisted as it sounded.

"So what else did you find so wrong?" Neon asked.

"Alex didn't have to use a condom?" Dante asked.

Her face immediately paled. She let that slip. And he caught on. He caught onto everything.

"Um," Neon trailed off.

"I know you're not on birth control. You've never been on birth control. I never understood why. But Alex not having to use a condom does not make sense unless you're on some one hundred percent effective birth control, which you're not. So why don't you tell me what's going on with that?"

It was more of a demand than a question.

"How about we skip over this and make breakfast," Neon tried to reason.

"No."

"Look, I don't want to talk about this."

"You have to. You need to talk to someone."

"I told Alex."

"And you kicked him out of your house this morning. These are technicalities I don't care about. So explain everything to me."

He wouldn't let up. When Dante knew something was wrong, he would not give up till he found out what it was. This was no exception.

"I can't have kids," Neon replied.

"Is this because you're not eating properly right now? If you ate right, you could easily gain that ability back."

"Alex said the same thing. Too bad you're both wrong."

"How is that wrong?"

"The first time I stopped eating, I ruined my barely-developed ovaries. I've never been able to have kids and I never will be able to have kids."

Dante was silent, mouth agape. Neon waited for some form of response. She just hoped he didn't hate her for not telling anyone.

"Are you serious?" Dante asked.

Neon nodded.

"That's terrible. And everyone keeps trying to force kids onto you. You just always seemed like the first choice to have children out of the band. It must make you feel awful," Dante said.

"It does."

"I'm so sorry. If I had known, I would never have bothered you about it. Everyone else is going to feel like a bunch of assholes when they find out."

"They can't find out," Neon rushed to say.

"You want me to keep it a secret?" Dante asked.

"Could you? Until I'm ready."

"Which will be never."

"Pretty much."

Dante sighed, "Fine. But only because I'm your best friend."

"Thank you," Neon hugged him.

"It's no problem. Now, I think its time to pay our ice cream gods Ben and Jerry a little visit."

"I think it is," Neon smiled, her nose crinkling the way it always did.

"Come on," Dante grabbed her wrist and pulled her from the couch toward the kitchen.