Mixed Feelings of Elation

"So basically, if I keep pumping you with ice cream, you may look healthy enough to pull of saying you were never anorexic," Dante shoved a spoonful of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream into his mouth.

Neon smiled, taking a bite of her "Imagine Whirled Peace" Ben and Jerry's ice-cream. They had been eating for about an hour, talking about Dante's past failed relationships and the tour that passed three months ago. Dante promised that no other band members would show up today. Lestat was taking Claudia to do some things in preparation for her birthday since Annabelle was in the middle of a photo shoot; Arpeggio was unpacking; Dorian and Joseph were finding new beds for the ever-growing Rainbow; Jazz had some piano lessons to give; and Grim was planning their next tour. Everyone was busy. Dante was the only one with no plans for the day.

"You think I'll willingly eat ice cream nonstop till the interview?" Neon asked.

"Point taken. The only other option is to tell the truth. You're not going to gain enough weight by the time of the interview, even though Lestat seems to think so."

The interview was in four days. There was no way for her to gain that much weight in that much time.

Not that she wanted to.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this. There are so many things I can't say without getting in more trouble," Neon stated.

"Like?"

"Alex being the main source for my first bout of anorexia and not being able to have babies being the new reason," Neon answered.

She told him her reason for not eating now. There was no reason to hide it, considering she told him she couldn't have kids. He told her that doctors make mistakes sometimes and she told him to say that to her nonexistent ovaries.

"True. You and Alex would be all over the tabloids if you pinned him for anything. And the band would be devastated if they found out about the lack of babies from an interview," Dante stated.

"I don't know what to say to the interviewer. I can't say it's because I'm self-conscious. I'm only self-conscious when I don't eat. I know when I'm too thin and I feel bad about it. Plus, I want people to understand anorexia. It's not a simple disease."

"Complex," Dante said.

"What?" Neon asked.

"Say the reason you started was complex, something deeper than not liking your body, something deeper than anyone can understand. It will get your point across, regain your credibility, and keep you from offending anyone. Oh, and mention that you know you're thin and that anorexia makes you self-conscious because people can't broaden their mindsets to understand it's not about food."

"You think that will work?"

"Well, you have to mention your start, your stay in the psychiatric ward, and your relapse. But I think the fans will understand and it will put every interviewer in their place. Choose your words carefully though. It could end terribly if you say one wrong thing."

"Are you guys doing the interview too? Or is it just me?"

She was never informed who would attend interviews. There were plenty of times that she showed up at interviews by herself, expecting to meet the rest of RxN, only to find out she would be alone.

That was Grim's only flaw when managing the band.

"It's just you but we might watch in the audience," Dante answered.

"Fuck, I forgot about the live audience," Neon mumbled.

"You never can stand them."

"The fans hang onto my words like they're some profound philosophy. Nothing I say will ever be profound. But they think so. It's bad enough on YouTube and on the television. It's worse live."

"You come off composed though."

"Because I've had practice. If it weren't for Public Speaking, I would be unable to do these interviews."

"I always thought Drama class was the reason you came out of your shell."

"Mrs. Bird was bat shit crazy," Neon reminisced.

Their Drama teacher Mrs. Bird was one of those teachers that just didn't seem to be all there a good deal of the time. Her style of dress was very Bohemian, topped off with flowing blond hair that reached below her behind. Classes were given on large decoration pillows not desks like most teachers. It seemed she picked up on Neon's insecurity the minute she walked in the room and vowed her teaching career on making the singer open up.

Originally, Neon thought the woman hated her. She couldn't find another reason for always being picked to present example pieces when she clearly didn't want to. Then she began to realize the woman was only trying to help so she started giving in.

Wouldn't Mrs. Bird be proud now?

Too bad she ended up committing suicide well before Arpeggio entered high school. That woman was Neon's favorite teacher. She was so out there, so unaffected by society.

"She was fucking awesome. Remember the birthday parties we would have in that class? Mrs. Bird knew how to let loose," Dante said.

"This is very true."

"Plus, Armand was in that class and we all know how much you wanted to impress him."

"I don't think I ever tried to impress him. I just existed and wished I had the gall to talk to him."

"You realize the only person you've ever tried to have an effect on was Alex. You don't try to make fans like you or make your friends adore. You don't change for anyone but yourself. You've always been stubborn, even when you were shy. You've always just existed and did what you wanted. I think that's why people love you so much."

"All those people are going to think I'm a fickle person after this interview. No matter how much I try to make them understand, I know that will be the outcome."

Neon was not ready for the interview. After what happened with Alex, she was even less ready. She had grown to trust Alex; she was going to ask him to show up for moral support. She couldn't do that now.

"That's not going to happen. You'll be calm and collected, like always. Everyone will love you even more for having a weakness. You're not a superhuman. Some fans actually like to see flaws in celebrities; it makes them seem more real," Dante stated.

"I guess."

"It'll be okay; I promise. Just do your best."

"I will."

"You and Alex will make up too," Dante pushed.

"I don't think we can ever go back to being friends after last night. Once you've slept with a friend, things get awkward."

"Maybe you'll be more than friends."

"Fuck buddies? I don't want that."

Dante glared at her from above his ice-cream container. She knew he wasn't talking about that. She was just trying to be stubborn on the subject of Alex. That wouldn't last longer than a week.

"I meant a relationship, smartass," Dante stated.

"That won't happen either. You know we don't have the best past."

"But you can move on from it. Start fresh."

Neon shrugged.

"Just think about it," Dante said, "I have to get going. My landlord is coming over at some point to collect rent today."

Dante stood from his seat, covering his tub of ice cream with the top.

"Does he get angry when you're not there?" Neon asked.

"No, but he has a super hot son that follows him when he makes his rounds."

"Get 'em, Dante," Neon teased.

"I plan on it. I'll see you later. Be safe, okay?"

"I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking."

With a wave, Dante left from the house. Neon closed her own container of ice-cream and put it in the freezer. An empty feeling washed over her. There was only one way she could get rid of it: curling up on the couch and sleeping.

That's exactly what she would do with the rest of her day.