Mixed Feelings of Elation

The alarm clock on Neon's side table blared incessantly, berating her ears, making her head throb. She reached a hand out from under her stack of comforters and hit the snooze button. The blaring noise died, leaving silence in its wake. Neon groaned, rubbing her temples. If it weren't for the alarm clock, she would have been fine. Her back wasn't hurting this morning; her feet weren't aching yet. They would when her feet would touch ground but, for now, they were fine. She hadn't woken up to eat the day before but her stomach wasn't aching. Not even a pinch.

For once, she felt normal. She felt okay. Today would be a good day. She would get through it for as long as she could. Knowing her, it wouldn't be long but she would enjoy the amount of time she was awake.

She would try at least.

Neon glanced at her alarm clock, noticing that she woke up on time today. It was ten thirty in the morning; she had time to get ready and go meet Alex at the coffee shop.

She was excited to get to see him. It was about time they talked about what happened. There were things that needed to get straightened out. Boundaries that needed to be laid out. There was a chance that they wouldn't get together. Dante could have been wrong. Hell, everyone in the band could have been wrong. They didn't know Alex. They hadn't spent years studying him so they could have insults to spit. Neon did. Alex never went for girls like her. At least, not that she could remember. He dated a lot of blondes and brunettes in high school. The kind with the abnormally large breasts and hips made for making babies.

The things Neon was trying to avoid.

When she ate properly, Neon had nice shape. She knew that. Armand knew that. Her band members knew that. Other men noticed it. Her breasts were never huge but they were an average size that looked good on her small frame. And her hips were a nice size, a little bigger than her sisters. Neon had more definite curves than her sister, who had subtle curves.

But that was only when she ate.

She wasn't thin enough to lose all of it yet but she would be. She knew she couldn't stop herself from getting that thin. This wasn't something that she had control over. Anorexia was a difficult thing to conquer. When she first stopped eating, it was like she sold her soul to the devil.

Neon pushed herself out of bed. Five minutes had passed since her alarm rudely woke her up. She needed to get ready. Though it wouldn't take her long. She wasn't going to dress up. Alex had seen her at her absolute worst before; he would be fine if she didn't show up in some summer dress that showed off all her bones.

The lead singer walked to her closet, opening it and pulling out a pair of jeans with a tank top. She wasn't quite sure when she grew so obsessed with wearing them. Even though her weight loss had caused her body temperature to drop, she wore the articles of clothing almost religiously. It was a signature look for her and she didn't plan on giving it up. No matter how thin she got. It didn't matter how many people could see her bones. They couldn't force her to do anything.

Well, they could if she was in danger of killing herself. Her band mates wouldn't hesitate to have her admitted to a psychiatric hospital if the need arose.

Neon placed her clothing on her dresser, preparing to close her closet. She hesitated. The tiny, white object at the top of her closet called to her. It demanded she take it down and use it. She hadn't used it the day before because she slept the whole day. But now she was up. She didn't want to but she had to.

Neon grabbed the electronic scale from the top shelf of her closet, placing it on the ground at her feet. Taking a deep breath, she stepped on the scale, eyes closed. The scale beeped, telling her that it had decided her weight. Cautious, Neon opened her eyes and looked at the screen. Her eyes immediately went wide at the numbers.

"What?" she whispered.

She gained two pounds. Over the course of the past two days, she managed to gain weight. The last meal she ate was breakfast two days ago. This wasn't possible. She couldn't gain weight like that.

Neon glared at the scale. She wanted to throw it across the room and watch it shatter into a million pieces. With her luck, it wouldn't even make it to the opposing wall.

Haphazardly, Neon shoved the scale back into her closet. She glanced at the clothing on her dresser. None of that could be worn today. She couldn't wear something that showed off her body. No tank tops, no skinny jeans. She grabbed the set of hangers and shoved them back into the closet. In replacement, she pulled out her old Dulaney High School sweatshirt from her closet and a pair of shorts from her drawer. She knew her legs would get cold, though it was mid-July, but that was just her body tricking her. Wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants or jeans would cause her to pass out from an episode of heat exhaustion that she wouldn't even feel.

Neon grumbled curses, opening another drawer and pulling out a bra and a new pair of underwear. She changed her panties first seeing as they were the only thing she slept in. She had been too tired to fully change and opted for removing as much clothing as possible before collapsing on her bed.

Her boy shorts stretched on her hip bones, leaving a nice space between her stomach and the elastic waistband. So she gained two pounds. She was still thin. She just wasn't thin enough to keep attention away from her.

Neon pulled her shorts on next, taking note of the way they too stretched on her hipbones. She grabbed the bra and put it on as she normally did. When the bra was fully on, she could feel her chest pushing against the restraint. Her eyes traveled down. The bra was fitting different. The cups weren't quite containing her breasts the way they had. It was uncomfortable. Her breasts had become increasingly sensitive and the pressure of her bra was only making things worse.

Something very wrong was going on with her body.

She grabbed the underwear she had just removed, looking over them. There was no blood in them like there was in her underwear the day before. That wasn't something to worry about then. But her growing breasts and weight gain were.

How was it even medically possible to gain two pounds when not eating?

She remembered anorexics in the psychiatric ward who gained weight when they stopped eating before the weight dropped off. That would be a plausible reason if it weren't for the fact that she was already drowning in the problem. She had already been losing weight; it wasn't possible to gain it randomly.

The only thing she wanted to do was drop to the ground and do crunches. Not only did she not have the time for that but she didn't have the energy.

Neon pulled her sweatshirt over her head. She would worry about this later. Her time was needed to get ready to see Alex. She wasn't as excited as she had been when she first woke up. Today wouldn't be a good day anymore.

That scale ruined her fucking day.