Mixed Feelings of Elation

Neon stepped foot in the tiny coffee shop, the wind chime connected to the door jingling. She scanned part of the coffee shop as she walked farther in. A few fans were sitting at a corner table. They noticed her the minute she walked in, the excitement clear on their face. Neon smiled at them.

At least she knew she still had fans.

"Well, hello, sexy legs. I see you woke up this time," a voice pulled her from interacting with the teenagers.

Neon's head darted to the opposite side. Alex was sitting comfortably at a table near the window. He smirked in her direction, which she returned with a broad smile. Only he could get away with calling her "sexy legs" and not get slapped.

She walked to the table, pulling her over the shoulder bag from her body and placing it on the table.

"Hi, Alex," she said.

"Sit down. I got you coffee," he returned.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Well, I did. So sit."

Neon did so, taking the seat opposite his and grabbing the coffee he bought for her.

"What's with the old school sweater and shorts?" Alex asked.

Neon hesitated. They weren't here to talk about this. They were here to talk about what happened about a week ago. Her unexplained weight gain was not important.

"I don't want to talk about it," Neon mumbled.

Alex picked up on Neon's discomfort as soon as he asked the question. She was slouching now, eyes cast towards the table.

"Tell me what's wrong," Alex demanded.

"Not right now."

"Neon."

"Alex," she returned, looking him in the eyes.

His eyes held resolve, care. He wasn't going to back down till she told him what was wrong. Even if she didn't want to. He was trying to help her, she knew. She had told him so much so far. It couldn't hurt to confide in him.

"Do we have to talk about this?" Neon sighed.

"Yes," Alex replied.

"I gained two pounds."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"I haven't eaten since the morning of the interview. This isn't even possible. My chest is getting bigger and it hurts. I'm almost constantly in pain. Yesterday, there was blood in my underwear and I don't know where it came from. Alex, what is wrong with me?"

"Aren't those things that happen to women when they start their period?"

"Yeah but I wasn't bleeding today. It can't be my nonexistent period."

"You need to see a doctor about this."

"I guess."

"Please do it. I don't want you to get hurt."

"If this doesn't blow over in a few days, I will."

"Thank you."

There was a silence. Neither knew what to say. They knew they needed to talk but not how to bring it up.

"I'm sorry," Alex said first, "I shouldn't have left. It was stupid of me to do. I knew you were vulnerable and I just didn't think about it."

"I'm sorry too. I let my insecurity get the best of me," Neon said.

"You can't help it. I should have stayed and made you understand."

"What was there for me to understand?"

Alex sighed, running a hand through his brown hair. The pink-haired lead singer in front of him stared at him with large eyes. It was a bit strange not to see her wearing sunglasses and some hoodie in public.

"Neon, I do like you. More than you know. I just never told you outright," Alex said.

"For how long?"

"Since I pushed you freshman year."

"Why didn't you tell me? Instead of calling me a 'fat ass', you could have helped me up."

Neon couldn't understand how he could have liked her for so long. He never showed any indication of it. At least none that she would recognize. She always interpreted his taunting as having malicious intentions.

"You scared me. I looked at you on the ground and the emotions I felt were stronger than I could handle. I was young; the only way I knew how to deal with how I felt was to tease you," Alex said.

"So, all this time, you've liked me?"

Alex nodded.

Dante had been right. Of course, he would be. He was right about everything. Neon should have listened to him. She was expecting Alex to tell her that sleeping with her was a mistake and that he never wanted to see her again.

A memory flashed through Neon's mind of the time Alex asked her to go on a date with him while Armand was in the hospital before anyone knew that he would pass away. She remembered that he told her nine months ago that Armand asked him to do it. There was only one reason Armand would have done that.

"Armand knew," Neon mumbled.

The realization hit her hard. Her boyfriend at the time knew another guy liked her. He tried to play matchmaker while in the hospital as opposed to telling Alex to back off. Neon felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.

"Yeah, he did," Alex said.

"That's why he asked you to take me on a date."

"Well, not completely. That was just to make you feel better while he wasn't there for you."

"You don't think he was trying to get us together? He knew he was going to die before the doctors told him."

"He might have. Armand worked in weird ways."

Neon smiled, mind drifting to thoughts of Armand. He was nothing short of amazing.

"I wish you would smile like that about me," Alex said.

"What?"

"You still care about him. No matter what you say, he'll always have a place in your heart. I want you feel that way about me one day."

"I do like you," Neon hesitated.

She didn't know how to say this next part. She wasn't going to ask him out; she was going to let him down.

"I don't think you're ready for a relationship yet," Alex cut in, "You have a lot going on right now and I think you just need me to be your friend to help you through this. I admit it hurts me to say that because I want to be with you. But you're not ready."

Neon sighed in relief, "Thank you for understanding."

With the craze of weight loss in her brain, she couldn't focus on a boyfriend. She wouldn't even be able to stay awake to be around him. While she was recovering, she needed to be on her own or she would end up becoming dependent on their relationship to keep her stable.

"But, when you're ready to date, you better come to me first," Alex stated.

Neon would have laughed if he didn't sound so serious.

"You know I will," she replied.

"Do you want me to bring you home? I know you didn't drive here."

"I'm fine walking."

"You sure?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, and I'm going to go right to sleep when I get home."

"Call me if you need anything. I'm here for you."

"I will."

They stood from the table by the window, both walking around it to stand in front of each other. Without thinking, Alex wrapped his arms around Neon's shoulders and Neon wrapped her arms around Alex's middle. She snuggled her face into his chest, inhaling his scent, enjoying the feeling of his arms around her. A sense of safety washed over her, a sense that everything would be okay.

Deep down, she didn't know if she would ever get her weight loss problem under control.