Mixed Feelings of Elation

Neon sighed, lying on Lestat's white faux-leather couch. After vomiting for about thirty minutes, she managed to stop. The band had been crowded around her in the bathroom while she was vomiting, rubbing her back, holding her hair, and cooing words of support. They forced her to lie down on the couch after and placed a wet rag on her head.

Only her friends would stick around while she was vomiting, no matter how gross it was.

"Are you okay?" Arpeggio asked, holding Neon's hand in her own.

She was clearly worried about Neon's condition. Though she had never seen Neon vomit as a child, she knew the lead singer once force herself to do so weekly. Arpeggio knew it was unhealthy and would hurt Neon's body if it persisted.

"I'm fine," Neon assured her.

"You don't seem fine," Lestat stated, "Has this been happening?"

"It started yesterday morning, died down after. Then happened again last night and this morning before I got here."

"You didn't tell anyone yesterday?"

"I called Dante and he came over in the morning. But I told him to go home once the nausea died the first time."

"Are you sick? Do you have a fever?"

"Not that I know of."

"She's had unexplained weight gain, an increase in bust size, severe headaches and backaches. There were traces of blood in her underwear a few days ago and now she's vomiting," Dante said.

"Paging, Doctor Inferno. There's a brain surgery in the ER," Dorian joked.

"Shut up."

"It sounds you like your starting your period," Lestat said, "I don't know what symptoms you normally get when you start but those are some that Annabelle gets."

"I can't imagine Annabelle on her period. Does she get bitchy?" Jazz asked.

Neon was glad they had momentarily changed the subject. How was she supposed to say she hadn't gone through a single menstrual cycle before?

"No, her evil twin Marisol comes to life and curses me out every chance she gets," Lestat responded.

"You call her Marisol to her face?" Arpeggio asked.

Marisol was the name of a girl Annabelle couldn't stand in high school. She still couldn't stand her but she never saw her anymore. If Marisol was brought up in conversation, Annabelle would not hold anything back.

"For the entire week," Lestat nodded, "She gets so pissed."

"You are just asking to get murdered in your sleep," Dante said.

"But she's so cute when she gets angry."

"Not helping your case."

"But he won't need anything to help his case because he'll be dead," Dorian said.

"Back to the point," Lestat pushed, "It's probably just your period, Neon. You'll be okay."

He was wrong. Neon knew he was. Not that she knew what a period felt like. But she couldn't have them. It was biologically impossible for her.

"It's not my period," Neon mumbled.

There was a silence. The members of the band stared at her. Only Dante knew what she meant. No one seemed like they were going to question her on it; they seemed to be thinking over what could be happening.

"There's only one other explanation then," Lestat said.

"That would be?" Neon asked.

"You're pregnant."

Arpeggio screamed when the words left his mouth, letting go of Neon's hand and hopping around.

"I'm going to have a niece or nephew," she sang.

"We're going to have a baby around here? Finally," Jazz said.

"I have to tell Joseph. Rainbow's going to have another friend," Dorian smiled.

"So will Claudia. She's been dying for someone to have a baby," Lestat added.

Neon listened to her band mates, horrorstricken. They were so excited. She didn't want to crush their hopes but she had to. She looked to Dante, his expression almost mirrored hers.

"That's not possible," Neon cut in.

"How is that not possible?" Lestat asked, "You had sex with Alex over a week ago. Birth control and condoms aren't one hundred percent effective. You could very easily be pregnant."

"No, I can't be."

"Please don't tell me you're going through denial. Accept the fact that you could be pregnant."

"You don't understand."

"What do we not understand?"

Neon sighed. She had to tell them the truth. The thing she had been keeping from them for years. They would hate her.

Her band mates waited patiently for her to tell them. She was obviously having trouble with it.

"You guys remember that I stopped eating freshman year, right?" Neon asked.

They nodded. Of course they remembered. None of them ever forgot. It wasn't something anyone could forget.

"I did a lot of damage to my body and um," Neon hesitated.

"Keep going," Dante pushed.

"The doctors in the psychiatric ward told me I can't have children ever," Neon shut her eyes.

A dead silence wiped over the room. Neon couldn't look at her band mates for fear of the looks of disappointment she was sure to get. It was pretty obvious that they got the message.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Lestat asked.

"I was scared to. You all want me to have kids; I didn't want to kill that dream," Neon answered.

She opened her eyes, looking around at the faces of her friends. They didn't look angry. Sad and empathetic, yes, but not angry like she feared.

"You could have told us," Jazz said, "We care about you."

"I know you guys do. I'm sorry I didn't say anything," Neon said.

Neon looked at her sister. Arpeggio's head was down, her body unmoving.

"Arpeggio?" Neon asked, sitting up.

The wet rag fell to her lap.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Arpeggio mumbled, her head still facing the floor.

"Because I knew how much you wanted me to have kids. I knew how much you would be hurt if I told you. I couldn't do that to you."

Arpeggio looked Neon in the eyes, tears dripping down her cheeks, "So you let me find out like this? I got so excited just now and you ripped it away from me."

"You know I didn't want you to find out like this."

"Neon, I've been pushing you to have kids for the longest time. You didn't think that maybe you should have told me sooner?"

"I'm sorry, okay? You know now. Don't make me feel worse."

"I'm so angry," Arpeggio whispered, shaking her head.

"At me?"

"At myself. I must have made you feel terrible. I know we were all trying to get you to have kids but I was constantly bringing it up."

"You didn't know"

"You know I love you, right? I never brought it up to hurt you," Arpeggio said.

"I know, honey. I love you too. Don't worry about any of the things you've said."

Arpeggio sat on the couch next to Neon, wrapping her arms around her and snuggling her head into the crook of her neck.

"You do know that the doctor's could be wrong, don’t you?" Lestat asked, "Just because they said you can't have kids doesn't mean it won't happen. Or there could be a breach in your reproductive system."

"But I don't have a menstrual cycle," Neon replied.

"You can get pregnant if you don't have one."

"Would the symptoms be as bad as they have been?" Dorian asked.

"She's anorexic; everything hits her harder."

"That's true."

"Are you saying I magically got pregnant?" Neon asked.

"I'm just suggesting you take a pregnancy test. Regardless of how it comes out, you need to go to a doctor," Lestat said.

She doubted it would be anything but negative. She wouldn't get her hopes up and have them crushed again.

"Are you feeling well enough to get back to practice?" Dante asked.

Neon nodded.

"Well then, get yo' ass back up to that microphone stand and read your lyrics," Jazz said, bubbly attitude back.

Neon smiled. She was glad she had the friends she did.