Mixed Feelings of Elation

Neon sat on the floor of her bathroom, staring at the three used pregnancy tests. She took the second around lunch time and the third around five. She figured taking them at different times of the day would give her a more accurate reading. The tests lying out on the tiled floor proved her wrong. Each test read that Neon Lowry was pregnant in their individual way of indicating pregnancy.

They had to be giving her a false result. It wasn't possible for them to read pregnant. Maybe she kept them in the cups too long. Or maybe she waited too long to check them. She had to have taken them wrong.

Not that Neon wasn't happy to read the words. Even if they were false, she was happy to be able to read a pregnancy test and have it be positive. It was the first and only time that would happen.

But what if they weren't false? What if Neon had a baby growing inside her body? All three tests told her she was pregnant. She had to be doing something terribly wrong if they all gave her a false reading. Maybe her pee had pregnancy hormones.

Neon didn't know what she would do if she really was pregnant. It wasn't something Neon had ever planned for. She hadn't started putting together a nursery or picking cute baby names. She didn't have a definite boyfriend.

Okay, she had baby names picked out.

When she imagined getting pregnant, there was never a stable man involved. She always just ended up pregnant and went through it by herself. She didn't really care about getting married. Though her parents had a loving relationship, she had seen more than one family fall apart because of divorce. She didn't want that to happen to her, even if she did want to be a housewife.

If she was pregnant, it would be Alex's. There was no other man it could belong to. She wouldn't be able to keep it from Alex. He had to know. He had every right to know.

She wasn't pregnant though. The tests were lying to her, raising her hopes and killing them. She would tell Alex that she took pregnancy tests, that they came out positive, that they lied to her. He would understand because he knew how much she wanted to have kids. She didn’t know when to tell him or how to tell him. She just knew she had to. He was her friend and he would want to know.

She needed to tell her friends too. They cared about her and the possible pregnancy. At the end of practice the day before, they told her to keep them updated. But she couldn't tell them yet.

Before Neon told anyone about the pregnancy tests, she needed to see the doctor. That way she could tell them the results were false and have facts to back it up. And she would know what was wrong with her body.

Neon grabbed her cell phone. She figured she may as well call her usual doctor, the one that knew about her eating disorder and lack of child bearing ability. Explaining it to a new doctor wasn't necessary. She just wanted a test result she could trust.

Neon's fingers flew over the keys, sending her cursor through her phone menu to the address book and highlighting the doctor's cell phone number. Her doctor was off work already but she had given Neon her number a few years back in case of emergencies.

This was classified as an emergency.

She pressed the green button and held the phone to her ear. It rang once before the person on the other line picked up.

"What's wrong, Ms. Lowry?" her doctor's voice asked on the other end.

"Hi, Doctor Cart. I was just wondering if I could make an appointment with you for tomorrow," Neon said.

"You normally call my secretary for that. What's with the house call?"

Doctor Cart was always to the point. It's what Neon liked about her; she never beat around the bush when it came to giving news. It was an odd trait since she was a young doctor, only a few years out of medical school. Being around so many older doctors helped the young woman in honing her skills. She did still have her moments where she would act younger than her age.

"I can't call to say 'hi'?" Neon asked.

"You could but you never do. I get the annual birthday card and Christmas card from you; that's it. Not counting your checkups. By the way, last years card was cute. You and your sister looked adorable dressed like elves."

"Thanks," Neon laughed.

During the past Christmas, RxN did a benefit appearance at one of the children's hospitals. Lestat was Santa Claus, Dorian played Rudolph, Dante was dressed as a present, Jazz as a Christmas tree, and the siblings as elves. Neon was originally going to play a candy cane but the outfits had skirts that were much to short to wear in a children's hospital.

"So what's wrong?" Doctor Cart asked.

"I've been having these really weird symptoms. And I'm worried about what it could be."

"List them."

Neon did so, rambling off the symptoms and describing them as best she could. Doctor Cart needed as much information as she could get to help Neon out over the phone.

"Have you taken a pregnancy test yet?" Doctor Cart asked.

"I've taken three," Neon replied.

"And the results?"

"All positive."

"Ms. Lowry, I'm pretty sure you're pregnant. I'll have to do tests to make sure. I want you to come in tomorrow morning around ten thirty."

"But how can I be pregnant?"

"Did your parents not explain this to you before they passed away?"

"That's not what I meant. I was told by multiple doctors that I can't have kids. How can I be pregnant now? I don't even have a menstrual cycle. As far as I know, I can't conceive."

"You were diagnosed as barren before you became my client. It's possible the doctors were wrong. Anorexics have gotten pregnant when they've lost their menstrual cycles and were told they couldn't have kids. It's happened in the past and will happen in the future."

"So I'm likely to be pregnant."

"Nothing's conclusive till I perform tests but most likely, yeah."

"Wow," Neon whispered.

She could feel the happiness welling up inside of her. This was a like a dream come true. If she wasn't hurting so much, she would think she was dreaming.

"Don't get too excited. We still have to run tests," Doctor Cart said.

"Right. Can I bring someone with me when I go in?"

"I'd prefer family only but I know your friends are persistent, so sure."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you. Oh and, Neon."

"Yeah?"

"Congratulations."

Neon smiled. The warm feeling in her body refused to subside.

"Thank you."